Jen's POV
Living on a few hours of sleep here and there, while listening to Harry talk constantly during the four hour drive to his home town, made me question why exactly I said I preferred to drive rather than fly out to visit Anne.
I loved him, and I loved being around him, but when you were so sleep deprived and had the pounding headache I was enduring right now, silence was all I craved.
"We're about five minutes away," he told me.
"Thank God," I said under my breath, relieved to get out of this car and into the fresh air- and possibly regain feeling in my backside again.
"What's the issue? You've been sour this whole car ride, am I annoying you?" He questioned me.
"No babe, you're not annoying, I'm just tired. I barely slept last night, I don't think I even fell into a deep enough sleep to count it as sleep."
"Really? Did you um...hear me come into the room?" He glanced over to me...nervously? I was confused, maybe he was out late and thought I'd be mad he came back at all hours. It couldn't have been that late, since he was fast asleep next to me when I got up to feed Mia just after midnight.
"No I don't think so...why?"
"Oh no reason, I just came back and Mia was awake, so I spoke to her for a little since you were passed out," he answered more at ease.
"Is there a reason you want to know if I heard you? You kind of look like you're hiding something."
"I'm not hiding anything," he laughed it off, "Mia and I just had an in depth conversation about life, that's all, no hidden secrets."
"Right...well I wish I was awake for this conversation now, I'd love to hear you talk about life with an infant. Did she contribute much?"
"Yep, more than you'd think. Don't be jealous that our daughter likes to talk to daddy more than mummy. Get used to it, that's a daddy's little princess back there," he said smugly.
"You wish, Styles," I rolled my eyes and laughed at his cockiness. I hoped I was close to my daughter like my mum and I were, but it did make me smile to think he would be wrapped around her tiny finger.
"Jealous that I got a new woman in my life?"
"Woman? Where?" I searched around the car sarcastically, as he pulled up to Anne and Robin's house.
"I know a fair few women that wouldn't mind being in my company," he shrugged and turned the car off.
"Oh...well do any of these women know exactly how you like to be touched?" I placed my hand against his crotch firmly, "or that you get turned on whenever I kiss you here?" I kissed the sweet spot against his neck.
"Jesus Christ," he sighed, and I felt his pants become much tighter all of a sudden, where my hand was placed.
"Jen, Harry!" I heard Anne yell out from the front door.
"Success," I winked, opening the door to greet Anne.
"Anne, I've missed you," I hugged her just outside the car.
"I've missed you too darling...Harry, what are you doing? Get out of the car and bring my grandchild with you," she looked into car at him. He was hunched over, covering his "happy" area.
"Gimme a tic mum, just have to make a quick call," he lied.
"Harry Styles, you're with your mother, get out of the car now and forget the phone call," she scolded him, and I couldn't help but laugh at the little pickle he was in.
"Fine!" He huffed, quickly shutting my door so she couldn't see in anymore. A few seconds later he was walking towards us with Mia in her carrier, covering his mid section.
"Nice to see you mum," he kissed her cheek.
"Nice to see you too, now give me my granddaughter," she took the carrier from his hands, revealing his slightly less perturbing bulge, but it was still there.
Luckily Anne had turned around before even getting a glimpse of it, but I for one could not stop laughing.
"You think you're clever don't you," he whispered to me as we followed Anne inside.
"I've got the magic touch, I'm proud of myself," I shrugged.
"So you should be," he kissed my cheek, and we made our way into the lounge where Anne was already cradling Mia.
"I've invited your father over for dinner, he's excited to meet little Mia in person," she informed us. We hadn't had a chance for Mia and Des to meet yet, so I was happy that Anne had arranged that for us.
"Sounds good, how have you been mum?"
"I've been good darling, been catching up on my reading as of late, seeing girlfriends, working in the garden. It's much lonelier around here now that your sister is living in LA and you're in Melbourne, but it's nice to just be here with Robin. I do miss the sound of kids running around, so bring this little one around as much as you can as she grows, she's already gotten so much bigger since I saw her last," she started tearing up, which I expected of Anne.
She was such a lovely woman, she always treated me like one of her own. She was so proud of her kids, and she felt things with so much passion, which often resulted in a few tears here and there.
"Mum why are you crying?" He sighed. I guess he was just use to her crying over the smallest of things.
"I'm just happy you're both here, I haven't seen you in a while and I missed my granddaughter. Stop judging me Harry, I'm allowed to be emotional," she shooed him off.
"I'll never understand women and their constant emotions."
"I've seen you cry a few times, so you're not one to talk," I defended Anne, and me for that matter since he made it a comment about women in general.
"Okay I forfeit, I'm not arguing with two women, Robin isn't home yet to back me up."
"Good choice," I rubbed his back. He would never win against me, but I think that was mostly because he let me win majority of the time.
"So have you two decided on a middle name yet? Anne is on the table," she smiled, taking a seat next to us.
Harry and I answered in unison, with different answers. I said yes without thinking, and he said no.
"Yes?" He questioned me.
"I mean, I've had a think about it, and my heart is kind of set on something," I said very carefully, trying to approach this conversation with as much ease as I could. I had a feeling he wouldn't like it initially, that's why I'd put it off.
"What's that darling?" Anne questioned me.
I hesitated before answering, finding the courage to just say it, "Mia Bella Styles."
"Over my dead body that's what we're naming our daughter," Harry immediately dismissed the idea.
"Harry! I love that name, what's the problem?" Anne questioned him. He picked up on the name association right away, she hadn't, because she barely knew Bella.
"What's wrong with it? I don't want my daughter linked to a raging b*tch for the rest of her life, I can't believe you would actually suggest that Jen. Surely you're joking! You're trying to get a rise out of me aren't you?"
Did he seriously think this was a game? I knew he didn't understand my reasoning behind the name, but I thought he would at least give me the benefit of the doubt, and assume I had a good reason.
"I'm not joking, why would I joke about our child's name?" I looked at him appalled.
"So you're seriously telling me you want to name our daughter, after someone who wished she were dead? Have you suffered short term memory loss or something? In what universe do you think I would be okay with this? What...just because she's in a coma now you forgive her for everything and want to name our kid after her? No!"
"Harry, I'm sure she has her reasons," Anne tried to defend me, but he wasn't having any of it.
"What reasons? It's not like she's spoken to her lately. I understand you feel guilty for how things were left between you before her accident, but nothing excuses her behaviour leading up to it. I don't care if it was her or Jake that told the media about the pregnancy, she still treated you like shit, you should hate her for that."
"You don't get to tell me how I feel Harry, or how I should feel. I am my own person, and clearly a much more forgiving one than you. You don't even give me a chance to explain something before going on the attack, she's my daughter too, I can have a say on what her middle name should be," I snapped right back at him.
"I can not fathom what is going through your mind right now Jenelle. This is by far the most ridiculous thing you have ever suggested. Was this discussed with your therapist? Did she plant this shit in your head? That if you name her Bella then your guilt will go away?"
"How dare you even say that," I shook my head, getting up to leave the room so they didn't see me cry.
"What is wrong with you?" I heard Anne scold him as I ran up the stairs.
I didn't know my way around this house too well, but I sort of remembered which Harry's room was. I made my way in there, slamming the door shut behind me.
His reaction was somewhat justifiable, he didn't know about the letter and the content, he didn't know about Bella and I's friendship before he came into my life. I would explain everything to him if he had just let me.
But how dare he bring Natalie into this, she had nothing to do with my decision of the name. He had no right to throw my therapy in my face like that, it was belittling and mean. Therapy was helping me better myself, he did not have to use it against me in such a malicious way.
"Jen, sweetheart come I come in?" Anne called through the door.
"Yeah," I responded, letting her come in and talk with me. Maybe she would be more understanding, and help me make Harry see why I felt strongly about the name.
"I'm sorry for bringing that up, I didn't know you two hadn't discussed it yet, I feel responsible for what just happened," she walked in with Mia, sitting beside me on the bed.
"It's okay, it's not your fault. I should have spoken to him about it already, I was just scared of that exact reaction," I wiped my tears away, embarrassed this all blew up right in front of his mum.
"I'm sorry he reacted that way, I've heard bits and pieces about Bella, Harry has told me some awful stories, but you obviously have your reasons."
"He only knows the awful stories Anne, he never really witnessed first hand how good she was to me, she was like a sister to me. We've been best friends since highschool, we were inseparable.
On the night of our graduation we made all these these plans together- about our life, our goals, I mean we even said we'd have kids that would end up getting married so we could be connected forever.
She was there through my first heartbreak, she pushed me to get the job at MTV, she was my own personal cheerleader. She even encouraged me to take the One Direction interview the first time I met Harry, I feel like she's responsible for everything good happening in my life.
She was always like my guardian angel- protecting me, loving me, encouraging me, and pushing me to be my best. She believed in me, and made me a better person. She's my opposite, and that's why we just clicked, we helped bring out other qualities in each other.
That's something I want for my daughter, I want her to be someone's Bella. I want her to be a friend that brings out the best in someone, and changes someone's life like Bella did mine.
Yes she made mistakes, but she owns up to them. I understand why she did everything she did, she wrote me a letter and gave it to me the day of the baby shower. She explained it all, and I get it. She said she was jealous because I was accomplishing everything on my own, that we planned to do together. She felt like I was leaving her behind, and she was left in the dust.
I'm no angel either, I could have been a better friend to her, and helped her fulfil her dreams like she did for me. I didn't give my all to the friendship after I met Harry, and that isn't right. I never wanted to be that friend that made a guy their whole world, and forgot about everyone else.
Don't get me wrong, I love Harry so much, and I don't regret a single second spent with him, but I could have made more of an effort with her too. I forgive her, and I don't know if I'll ever see her again, and get to tell her that, but with the small chance I never will, I just want her to live on through my little girl in some way," I looked down at my daughter, smiling at how precious she was, and how lucky I was to be her mum.
"In high school Bella and I were assigned this project together in Italian class. We had to write and recite a poem in front of the class- we called it La Mia Bella Amica, which means my beautiful friend.
It's my first vivid memory with her, and I just think it's so fitting that two of the words in the title would make up my daughters name if Harry agreed to it. I understand why he reacted that way, he doesn't know any of this, I just wish he let me explain. This means a lot to me Anne. This isn't out of guilt, it's something I feel in my heart is right."
She nodded along to everything I said, giving me the occasional arm rub as I caught myself before crying. She seemed to understand what I was saying, at least I hoped anyway. I didn't want her to tell me what I was feeling was a momentary emotion towards Bella, because it wasn't.
"Sweetheart, if you explain that to Harry like you did me, I think he would understand. If anyone understands having friends that love you one minute, then turn their backs out of jealousy the next, it's him.
He never talks about it, because I know it still hurts him to this day. He had a best friend all through Primary school, all through to x-factor. His name was Connor, and they were inseparable, like you and Bella.
I guess once Harry got through to the show, and his popularity rose each week, Connor stopped returning his texts and calls, and removed him off whatever social media was popular back then. He cut Harry from his life, and Harry was devastated about it.
You know when you have that one friend in your life that you're with everyday, you know each other inside out, and they're the first person you want to share your successes with? That was Connor, but I guess he didn't want to celebrate the successes.
He would go around saying Harry had changed, and he'd gotten a big head since being on the show. He would pick on him and say he was a terrible singer, just really mean vile things. I always knew it was out of jealousy, he couldn't stand the fact Harry was succeeding, and kind of leaving him in the dust.
Harry tried to keep the friendship going, until he eventually gave up and moved on. So I think that's why he feels so strongly against Bella, because he saw her doing the same things to you that he experienced.
You know Harry loves you with every inch of him, I've never seen him love anyone more in my life. He would protect you to the ends of the earth, and do anything in his power to make you happy.
Just let him cool off, then talk to him about all of this. I promise he will understand, he always does when it comes to you and what makes you happy."
I had no idea about this, Harry never mentioned it, and I guess I never really considered he would have gone through a similar experience. It explained why he was so against Bella, and why he was against the name.
Both he and I liked to believe we knew everything about each other, but it seemed the longer we dated, the more our past kept coming up, and we were finding out more and more about one another's experiences.
"He never told me anything about him, I had no idea he went through that. I guess I understand why he's so protective of me against her now, he just doesn't want me to hurt the way he did. Sometimes we fail in the communication department, we're still learning about this whole relationship thing. Sometimes I feel like I'll never get it right," I sighed.
"None of us will ever get it right, because none of us are perfect. Relationships are made to fall apart, only to be put back together. You need growth, because that's what makes you stronger. You two are just fine, trust me, sometimes it may look like you've lost your way, but I believe you two are meant to be. You're perfect for my son, I'm happy you chose him," she cupped my cheek in affection, and I welcomed her embrace.
"He chose me," I smiled, thankful and grateful life gave me this man. We fought and pushed each other away, but at the end of the day our love was strong enough to overcome the hardest of obstacles.
"Why don't you come help me prepare dinner, and Harry can watch this little one for a couple of hours?" She suggested- a way for me to distract my mind away from the argument I'm sure.
"That sounds lovely, of course," I agreed to the plan, and followed her out the door.
"Harry I was just coming to find you, could you watch Mia while we cook dinner?" We saw him walking down the hall away from the room we occupied. I wondered if he heard anything.
"Sure," he frowned at the both of us, taking Mia and walking away back down the stairs.
"You don't think he heard our conversation do you? Will he be mad you told me about Conner?" I whispered.
"I don't know if he heard, and he may be cross, but he'll eventually get over it, or I'll make him get over it. Get the wooden spoon out and give him a good spanking!" She laughed, which in turn made me giggle at the image of it.
"Come on darling, we've got a chicken to cook," she took my hand in hers.
"Thanks Anne."
"For what sweetheart?"
"Just for being you. I really appreciate how you treat me, I feel like I won the lottery in the mother in law department. You're like a second mum to me, I love you."
"I love you too, you're like a daughter to me, you can talk to me about anything."
"I know," I smiled, and we made our way down to the kitchen together.