Harry's POV
Nothing felt better than knowing the person you loved, was finally getting back to their normal selves, and they were managing fine without you there.
Jen was always a strong girl, but I worried about leaving her considering how she had been the past week. It triggered a sense of guilt for leaving, and panic when she had told me Nate diagnosed her with a form of depression, but she assured me she was managing it.
All I could do was believe her, and have hope my absence wasn't a definitive factor in slowing down the healing process. It made me nervous to know she was seeking counselling, especially when I couldn't be there with her.
It was hard for me to accept that I wasn't meant to know every thought that occurred within her, and made me really suspicious as to what exactly she would be sharing that I may not be aware of myself. I was an over thinker, if Jen felt it was important for me to know something, she was very vocal about it.
Besides all that, it was good to hear her laugh again, and slip back into the playful banter we shared throughout our relationship. Sex and intimacy weren't the most important part of us, but talking about it and joking around was something we did, and I was relieved to be getting back to our old selves again.
Thinking about being intimate with her was a daily thought, but I wasn't going to pressure her into rushing anything the next time I saw her, or spoke to her, I was more than willing to wait for when she was ready. This time last year I couldn't even hear her voice, because she wasn't mine anymore, so I was just content with talking about life and knowing she would be waiting for me.
"Haz, you ready?" Niall stuck his head into my room, luring me to this meeting about the upcoming schedule.
"Yeah..." I answered half attentive to him. I was looking down at my phone, smiling at the photo I had taken of Jen and Mia in the hospital the day she was born. I just had to remember that everyday I was here and away from them, I was providing them with a life they deserved.
"What's got you all cheery? Last time I saw you, you were pissed off," Niall nudged me when I finally joined him in the hall, on the way to the meeting room.
"I spoke to Jen, she sounds like she's bettering herself, she was happy. I've missed her laugh, Niall, I feel like I finally have my Jen back. I'm just disappointed I'm not there to see it in person, but I know this is where I have to be," I finally admitted out loud.
I couldn't have this sour attitude and resentment for being here, the entire time. The fans did a lot for me in terms of the life I had, so I had to be on my game for them, they deserved it. This wasn't forever, it was four weeks, I would manage.
"Mate, you have me here, you know you can talk to me whenever you need to. I know you're missing both the girls, but I think this is Jen's chance she can prove to herself she can do this even without you. You know what I mean? She can squash her doubts."
"You have a point," I admitted to him.
"Of course I do, they don't call me the smartest member of One Direction for nothing," he laughed at his own joke, triggering me to laugh along with his self title.
"Who calls you that? People have called you many things, but smartest isn't one of them."
"Kiss my arse, Haz," he pushed me to the side, and we play wrestled as we entered the meeting room. My friendship with Niall was so easy, and so playful. He was like the brother I never had- we fought often over the most ridiculous of things, but we always had each other's back. He was my rock in this band, and most definitely my best friend.
"Nice of you to join us you muppets," Louis interrupted our banter, and we took a seat across from both he and Liam.
"Thanks again for the flowers you boys sent, we really appreciate them," I thanked them both for the huge bouquet they sent to the house. "And Jen really loved having Soph at the shower," I directed my attention to Liam.
"All I've heard about is how adorable little Mia is, Soph and Eleanor have been rubbing it in they've already met her and I haven't," he pouted.
"Eleanor was there?" Louis asked curiously.
"Yeah," I responded.
"How is she doing?" He asked. I assumed he hadn't really spoken to her since they broke up, and I could only just imagine how much he probably missed her. They were together for years, it surprised us all when Eleanor ended things.
"She looks and sounds well, from what I saw she was happy. Those girls are always on cloud nine when they're together."
"That's good to hear," he gave me a small smile, and my instincts told me he was a little disappointed to hear how well Eleanor was doing without him. I knew he wasn't always there for me when Jen and I were going through issues, but I felt like maybe I should have a chat with him about his feelings, maybe get him to open up.
"Right lad's, first of all welcome back, we won't be together for long but it's good to have you all back on the road," Paul welcomed us back to work. I hadn't seen him since the accident, but he'd been in contact after Mia was born to congratulate Jen and I.
"Initially this circuit was only meant to spill over two weeks for the album promo, but we extended it a further two, since the hiatus was finalised. We've gone back and looked over booking requests, it would benefit you all to get in as much last minute interviews and appearances as you can now that you're going on break, so we've gone ahead and scheduled a U.S promo circuit."
"Hang on a minute, so when exactly would this be taking place? And for how long?" I interrupted him, growing extremely pissed off this was all decided behind our backs.
"From mid November after the album is released, to just before Christmas," he looked at me hesitantly, as if he knew exactly what I was going to say about this.
"No! I'm not doing it," I refused. It was bad enough I was away for the month that I was aware of, now Paul was telling me this month was turning into over two months. There was absolutely no way I was agreeing to this, this was bullshit.
"Harry, this needs to be done. You didn't finish the U.S tour, and we have so many requests, we have to make it up to them and follow through," he tried to explain to me. The old Harry would understand all that, and wouldn't have a problem with it, but the new Harry had bigger responsibilities in life.
"You have already pulled me away from my daughter, and she's not even f*cking two weeks old yet, you really expect me to give up two months of her life, for what? For some T.V shows and a dollar in my pocket? No, I agreed to the four weeks and that's all I'm doing."
The boys were all quiet, I had no idea if they were on my side with this or not, but I wanted someone to have my back on this.
"You don't have a choice, your contract stipulates as a member of this band, you are to fulfil the schedule given to you. Jen and your daughter are more than welcome on the tour, it wouldn't be the first time we've had a baby on tour, we can accommodate to you Harry," he tried to reason with me, but it was only making me more pissed off and annoyed that my management team continuously did this shit behind our back.
"I do have a choice, I quit! I'm sick to death of this constant bullshit! We have little to no say in anything we're booked for, you all try to control us and I'm done. Deem my contract null and void, I don't give a f*ck anymore. You will not make me choose between my family and this job, and I'm not forcing Jen to fly around the world because my f*cking management want to milk me for all I'm worth. Screw it, and screw this," I pushed my chair back in anger, making it fall against the wall behind me.
As far as I was concerned, I was done with the band, because I was no longer going to sit there and be told how I was to live my life, and have no say in it. I opened and slammed the door shut behind me, storming back off to my room to gather my bags and have Willow book me on the first flight back to Australia.
"Harry!" Niall yelled out from down the hall.
"I don't want to f*cking hear it Niall! You could have had my back in there, you want out of this as much as I do, but instead you stayed silent and let me take the fall!" I shouted from my door.
"Haz, you didn't even give me a chance to say anything! You went off, quit the band, then left the room. I understand you're angry, but that reaction was bang out of order and you know it," he ran up in front of me.
"Are you having a laugh?" Louis was next to leave the room and shout out from across the hall.
"Here we go..." I mumbled.
"Do you expect another reaction? You know how he was when Zayn quit without discussing it with us, you're doing the same thing," Niall whispered back to me.
I saw Liam trailing behind him, and I prepared myself for the verbal abuse I was about to endure. Maybe I did react too abruptly, but I couldn't help it, I was already sick of this tour circuit and it hadn't even started.
"What the f*ck was that? You're going to quit the band too, because you can't leave your missus for a couple months? We've all f*cking done it Harry, we've all made sacrifices, and we've lost the things important to us because of it. This isn't just about you, this affects us all, stop being a selfish little prick," Louis lectured me on what had just happened.
"Lou, that's not fair," Liam tried to calm him down.
"What isn't? Does he think he's the only person in the world with a family back home? Yet somehow they still manage to make it work! This affects us all, not just him!" Now he was starting to bite Liam's head off.
"Lad's come on, we're brothers, we don't turn our backs on one another. We need to discuss this as a group, and come up with some kind of resolution," Niall tried to calm everyone down, and be the Switzerland of the situation.
"What's there to resolve? Harry's already made his mind up," Louis huffed in rage.
"Words were said in the heat of the moment, we will sort this maturely and properly before we go back to Paul and the team, come on, let's be mature about this," Niall tried to reason with Louis.
"Fine," he finally agreed, and Niall gestured for me to open my door, to hold the inevitable conversation about where our band was headed.
We gathered around my room, with distance between us all so we weren't within strangling distance. Louis sat on the floor against my cupboard, I was on the edge of my bed, Liam was on the chair by the window, and Niall was in front of me on my TV cabinet.
Everyone was quiet, no one knew exactly what to say to start this talk off. I felt like I should get the ball rolling, since I was the one that announced my desire to leave.
"Look, I apologise for blurting that out like that, I should have spoken to you boys before I said it. It's been eating away at me, and it just came out," I began.
"How long have you wanted to leave the band?" Liam was the first to fire a question at me. He didn't seem angry, he was quiet and somewhat sad I was feeling this way it seemed.
"Not very long, since last week maybe? I don't know Liam, I can't even really explain why I suddenly feel this way, things just changed when I became a dad I guess. My heart just isn't in it anymore, I just feel like there is so much more in life that we could be doing, you know?"
Liam nodded along to what I was saying, I think he understood where I was coming from.
"I agree with Harry, I feel like we've run our course. We've had an amazing five years boys, I just think it's time to admit to ourselves that there's not much more we can do right now. We need a break from each other, we need a life again outside of the four walls of a hotel room," Niall finally backed me up.
"We all have other things we want to be doing," I continued on from Niall. "I want to raise my daughter, and see all her firsts, and not miss out on anything. Niall wants to travel, and take a break from everything. Liam you are so good at your music production, you could go and work with other artists, and make a name for yourself outside of this band.
Louis, you've just started up your own record label, you could build your own empire and follow in the footsteps of Simon. One day you'll sign your own boy band and build them up the the level of success Simon did with us. You know that's what you want to be doing, and what you should be doing.
I believe in all of you, and I know you will all be okay without the safety net of our band. No ones to say this is forever, maybe a few years? Look at the Backstreet Boys- they went away for a bit and got back together after years, and they're still successful.
I just think we all need to go our separate ways, pursue other passions, venture off into the world and see what else we are capable of. At the end of it all, we'll see where life has taken us, and if we want to, we can give this another crack."
Everyone was so deep in thought with what I said, but I think we all knew this is what needed to happen. We'd been controlled for five years of our lives, we'd worked majority of it, and now we needed to break out of this bubble we had been living in, and go off and find ourselves again.
"I hate to admit it, but I know you're right," Louis finally spoke up. "We've grown so comfortable with this life, this is all we know now..." his voice began to crack, which surprised me since Louis was always the one that managed to keep it together amongst us.
"...it's just a scary thought to know everything is about to change, and we're not going to have each other to fall back on anymore. When one of us messes up, the others are there to help clean it up. I don't want to lose you boys, you're my family...my younger brothers," he wiped his face with the bottom of his shirt.
I looked over to Liam who was also now crying, and seeing Niall's red face and glassy eyes is all it took for me to let my emotions get the better of me. It was a sad thought to think I wouldn't be seeing these boys everyday.
"So what do we do now? Do we cancel the promo circuit and go home?" Liam broke the silence lingering around the room.
"Well what are we doing with the band? Are we splitting or what?" Louis asked.
"I think we have to, in order to hold on to our sanity, and find an identity outside of this band, we need to go our separate ways. I guess that's all we can do...I suppose show of hands who thinks this needs to happen, then we'll go from there," Niall suggested.
We all looked around at each other, none of us wanting to be the first to raise their hand and confirm this was done. Since I was the one to bring it up in the first place, I raised my hand to lead the way, Niall followed, then Liam, and finally Louis.
"I guess it's decided then, we're done," Louis confirmed what we were all afraid to say out loud.
"I don't want to say we're done, I just want to say we're on a break, indefinitely. None of us know what the future holds, we could decide this isn't what we want, and we'll be back at it by the end of next year, we can't say it's a split," I said.
"What do we tell the fans then?" Liam asked, and I thought about what exactly we could say to make them understand what only us boys could.
"We say it's a break. We can not announce we are splitting, because technically we are not. How unfair would it be on them to say we are over, then a year and a half later pop back up and say, only joking. We can't put them through that, you know how dedicated and passionate they are, we have a responsibility to make sure they are okay.
I couldn't live with myself if I was the reason someone took something to far, and potentially hurt themselves physically or mentally. A lot of young girls rely on us for their happiness, we can't take that lightly. We can't tell them something, then retract it later on. We say it's an indefinite hiatus like we planned, and we'll leave it at that."
To me, that was the best solution. It wasn't a lie, we were on an indefinite hiatus, but none of us knew if we were ever going to come back from it. Who knew, we could all end up being successful doing solo projects and not want to return to the band, or we could all fail miserably and get back on the road together, no one knew what the future held.
"That makes sense, I think that's what we should do," Louis agreed with what I had suggested.
"So what do we do now though?" Liam asked again, and I think there was only one option to go with.
"As hard as it's going to be for me, we do the two month promo tour. We owe it to the fans, and to ourselves. We worked bloody hard on this album after losing a member, we deserve it to be the biggest success it can be. That's all we can do boys."
"We didn't even get to have a farewell tour of anything though," Niall spoke up.
"What if we do one early next year around the UK? We can say it's the last home tour before the break, then once that's done we start our new lives, post band?" Louis suggested.
"I think that's a great idea," I praised his suggestion. It would be nice to have all our family and friends watch us close one chapter of our lives, before we started a new one. It kind of also thrilled me to know my daughter would be able to see me on stage, before anything ended. Not that she'd understand much, but just having her there with Jen would mean everything to me.
"I guess we talk to Paul about this, and tell him this is what we've decided," Niall concluded the talk that I didn't expect to happen to early on in this tour, but glad it had.
"Well lads, the only thing we can do now is hug it out, give this tour our all, and enjoy what time we have left together, yeah?" Louis was the first to stand, and huddle us all into the middle of the room.
"I love you boys, always," I pulled them all into me, and we hugged away all the emotions being thrown into this room right now, and accepting our fate had finally been decided for us.
One Direction may have been ending, but the everlasting bond between us four brothers, was unbreakable.