Songs for the chapter: James Bay - Let it go (baerson remix)
Rita Ora - Poison
Long chapter ahead.(seriously there's more than 6000 words I think, sorry.) Vote?
***
Deciding to cut us off was very rash, maybe out of place, even exhausting. It shouldn't make me feel like this. I should be relieved that I put a line through this. But here I was pouting to myself that he's not reaching out for me.
It hurt. I was the one who told him that this was not going to work and I was determined to not be with him, but somehow even if I want to prevent myself, I thought that like all the past times I'd told him to stay away, he'd come right back, but he never did. I know I had every right to do this but it hurts me.
If he could just be honest with me...
I couldn't sleep the whole night. And today I was all alone because Zayn had to pick up Liam I think.
I look around the place.
There was a chess board on the right corner of the wall, and a large rug lay underneath the sofas. A big fireplace was on the opposite side, I knew it was a real fireplace not one of those fake ones.
I felt out of place, lonely and weird.
+
I had taken a nap and was waken up by Zayn's loud footsteps, also he was mad and tossed a bag to his feet when I look at him from my position on the couch. He's wearing a plain black t-shirt that was limp around his throat, giving me a view of his neckline and tattoos. His hair looked ruffled from being outside, it seemed soft and fluffy.
When his eyes catch mine my breath hitches. A cigarette was hanging limply from his lips, and his golden eyes were glaring down at me before he went to his room.
After that I don't see him for the rest of the day. It had gotten late in the evening and I wanted to sleep but the sweater I had on would be too hot to sleep in and only underwear would be too cold.
It would be awkward to go and get a change of clothes but then again I didn't have a choice... Maybe I did but I wanted to see what he's doing. He's been avoiding me the whole day.
I seriously need to make up my mind.
The door creaks open and I begrudgingly walk in.
He's sitting on the bed and having a mac on his lap, shirtless. I could see the muscles rippling under his skin. All the tattoos he had imprinted on his skin were fascinating like always.
I notice that I'm ogling at him and he hasn't seen me. I walk to the closet opposite of the bed.
That's when I feel nerves kicking in. I knew he noticed me.
Hurriedly I take just a random shirt with shaky hands then turn around which I shouldn't have because I made the mistake to stare at him straight.
He eyes me with such repulsion and hatred that I shied away. Zayn's averting his squinting stare to the side. His jaw clenched and he scoffed as he stands up and strides to the nigh stand leisurely, his back flexes with every step, "I don't want you in here. It's my room after all." he sounded like he couldn't care less, then he picked up his box of cigarettes with a frown, placing one between his lips and went to the small balcony. "Close the door when you're out." he rasped while he pulled open the balcony door, back clenching and muscles prominent because he was suppressing his anger.
Not once did he find it necessary to look at me. It bothered me more than it should have. What is his problem? I can't understand him... He thinks I'm emotional and moody but he's worse.
+
I had just changed into the black shirt and laid down after pacing around the living room when someone knocks on the door.
"Hey bambi." I'm greeted by a cheery Niall when I open the door.
"Niall it's two a.m." I whisper then yawn.
"Thank you but I know." he replied smoothly with a grin. His good mood is contagious, so I chuckled.
"So?"
"Oh yeah. I have tinkered around on this." he mumbled picking something up for me to see.
It's a mini moon.
"No offense but what am I supposed to do with this? It's beautiful and-"
He clicked on something and it glows, a smile curve my lips in a gleeful expression. "It's a nightlight. Zayn made me do it for you." he explained briefly.
My chest clenched at his name, I looked down for a moment.
This must have been before everything went down.
"Wow. Well thank you." I earnestly said while feeling overwhelmed with this new information. Niall's eyes widen a bit as he's staring behind me and his expression turned serious when he looked at me again.
"Yeah I just came by to bring you this. Night." he urgently said, I frown but nod.
"Goodnight." he turned on his heel and left.
Okay then. He was acting a bit weird.
After watching the pretty nightlight for minutes and feeling sad I know I won't be able to get any sleep so I head for the kitchen.
I'm getting out all the ingredients I needed. Upon finding peanut butter, I decided to make peanut butter cookies. They were one of my favorites after all. I began working the magic.
I had the dough all made and had to look for a cookie sheet. I was panicking for a moment when I couldn't find one, but then saw one above the fridge in a cupboard. However, as I looked over it, I though that maybe I needed to wash it. Just to be safe. And as soon as it was washed and dried, I began forming cookie dough balls, placing them neatly onto the cookie sheet. All through this, I was humming lightly.
Then I preheat the oven. I had to wait for it to reach the right temperature.
After half an hour I wait for the last five minutes patiently, I had cleaned up the mess I made and used dishes.
"I saw you got the nightlight." Zayn's rasped, I jumped up at his deep voice then see him leaning on the door looking sleepy, my hand on my throat to calm down.
Where did he come from?
Now he is speaking to me.
"Are you just pretending that that earlier didn't happen?" I mutter cutting to the chase my eyes narrowing. I told him we're done and he treated me like I wasn't worthy of his time. That proved just how much he doesn't care but here he is chatting casually."Have my words no value to you at all? Like not even a little?"
"I asked you a simple question. I'm doing you a favor with that fucking nightlight and now you're attacking me."
Here we go again with arguing.
"Since when are you nice? Why are you acting this way?" I suspiciously questioned.
He likes to forget that he was acting like a cry baby earlier.
"What way? What the fuck are you talking about? I accepted that you wanted us being done, what more?" he grew irritated, the sleepy look on his face changes to anger.
"Really? Then accept us not talking too."
"Must everything be a fight with you?" his face twisted and strained, a neck vein was becoming more visible.
"Stop talking to me then." I calmly replied, I honestly don't want to be in the same room with him if it's going to be like this. I had enough of this, of his clenched jaw and tense structure. To be honest I can't stay in the same place with him because we can't pretend there's nothing...
"I would but I can't fucking sleep with all the noise you make because you got a fucking hankering in the middle of the night." He was firm in his words and his gaze never wavered.
"I'm distracting myself okay?"
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" he gruffly asked rubbing on his eyebrow.
Why is he like this?
I take a breath darting my eyes to the floor.
"Nothing. You can go back to sleep I won't make any sounds this time. My cookies are almost done."
"Well now that I'm up, I want some too." he slyly murmured.
Was that an innuendo...?
He was suddenly towering over me, his eyes devouring me like some kind of predator, and I stared up at him in silence.
I tried to change the subject because this felt all too familiar, being backed up against the counter and stuff. "Do you even like peanut butter cookies?" I question, he shrugged and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge next to him then took a few gulps, "There's nothing better than cookies." I expressed lightly.
"I can think of a lot of things that are better than cookies." he's looking conniving as he said this. I overlooked the strange stare he was giving me.
But he keeps looking back at me with a challenging stare. I do too, not giving up, until he licks the water off the bottle's rim slowly while keeping his eyes on me. That gets me to turn around and go back to what I was doing.
"We have to talk." he says surprisingly very solemn and calm as I pick the cookie sheet and let them cool off on the kitchen island.
"I already told you what I had to say and you pretty much agreed." I said distracted with the cookies.
"No I didn't. You ran away from me." he denied defensively then walked closer and closer to me, I visibly tensed. "I have to keep certain things for myself so I can continue to keep you save. I would never harm your father Liv. But something has to be done. If I don't he'll be able to get you. Do you want that?" his sudden word vomit made me look up to his sad orbs.
"What kind of question is that?" I utter in annoyance, where is he going with this? Why does he pick up from where I thought our conversation had ended for good. I hated this confusion and back and forth. I blink and grab my hair as he grew rigid."Stop this Zayn. Go-"
"Shut up." he shouted, I yelp at his ferocious tone, "Hey, look at me." he angrily said, his hands on the side of my face forcing my head towards his, while I was on the verge of another emotional breakdown, I could feel it rising in my chest. All the emotions I've been building up, encasing inside of me were about to burst. I was pressed against his warm bare chest, with his arms wrapped around me. I lay my head against his chest, hearing the soft thudding sound of his rapid heart beating within his chest.
We stay like that until he gets impatient.
"Look at me Liv." he murmured gentler this time, he sighed when I peer up at him, slightly uncomfortable as we're locking stares with each other. He leans to me, his forehead laying on mine, "I'm weak, " he took a shaky breath, hazel orbs on mine constantly, "so fucking weak when it comes to you." he honestly said in a honey soft tone, caramel eyes warm, which seemed to emerge at the oddest of times.
This was going somewhere else...
"How can I explain it? How can I convince you more babe? What do you know about my struggles or my feelings for you?" his voice was caught in his throat towards the end.
I know nothing, that was for sure.
But I can't believe what he was about to tell me. The nervosity in his wavering but honest voice caught my attention.
"I care for you. It fucking terrifies me how much I care." he confessed, I peer at him with wide eyes, relaxing at his words.
I didn't expect this.
Oh God.
What should I make out of this? What should I think?
"I want you to laugh and smile with me, because of me. You tell me what that means?" he seriously said, biting his lip in frustration, "I try to not make you cry, but it doesn't work. Because obviously I'm shit at this. If I'm lucky we get along for two days before something else fucking happens to ruin it." he dragged his hands through his hair then huffed as his hands lay on his sides limp.
"It's not my fault."
"I didn't say it was." he countered, then gulped holding eye contact, "You made me forget things that haunted me... Because of you I have memories I can go back to without trying to stop it." he revealed his orbs glinting and pooling into my clearer ones continually, "Why do you need to know about my past? I want to forget it." he mumbled flickering his eyelashes, my lips part then close, "I understand you more than you think. But I can't give you more than this."
"Do you know for what you're asking me right now?" I asked, voice still harsh.
He always takes, takes and takes. He doesn't plan on changing only on convincing me that everything's fine the way it is. And what the saddest part was is that I'm actually considering his pain, trying to understand him.
His eyes were on me again, and he examined me with interest, his eyes alit with fascination. I looked into his eyes and he still had that captivated look, as if he truly could not grasp what I was trying to mean.
"I know but this is the only thing that feels right. I can't promise you anything... Yet if I ever lost you, I don't know what I'd do." his words pulled at my heart because I see where he's coming from.
It's the same with me. If I ever lost him... I had almost lost him and was so emotionally unstable that I was at the verge of going crazy.
We're staring at one another's lips, trying to resist from kissing, before giving in. Maybe I am too naïve letting myself get lost in his eyes... But I can't help it and my stomach did leaps the second our lips connected.
His soft lips but rough mouth moves smoothly over mine.
"We shouldn't." I mumble on his lips faintly but I don't dare to move away, surprisingly he doesn't object only waits.
When he licked his lower lip I kiss him again urgently before I stop, panting heavily.
I didn't know what to do, all I know this feels right in the cruel world we were in.
"You can always tell me stop babe." he reminds me but I can't and he knows it too well. "Tell me you don't want this, tell me you don't want my kisses and I'll leave." His lips lightly brushed against my ear, and I held my breath, teeth sinking into my bottom lip, my back pressed to the kitchen counter because he's pinning me to it. "Go on and tell me." I gasped, gazing up at him while he stared with a warm eyes that I had never seen in him. I felt his hands moved down my body, to the back of my thighs before he easily lifted me to wrap my legs around his waist placing me on the counter, his fingers then tugging at my shirt.
I sucked in a deep breath. His arms reached forward, circling around my back as his brown eyes burned into mine, our foreheads brushing one another's, his hair grazing my face. My hands found their way to his neck again, slowly trailing down his hard chest, down his abdominal, tracing every outline of his abs before gripping the black belt that loosely held up his jeans. I tugged him forward, my legs tightly wrapping around his waist while I slightly leaned up, my lips meeting his.
We both moan and he holds me even closer.
It always felt like I lost my mind whenever he touched me, kissed me, or looked at me, and I would leave my conscience behind.
I let out a whimper when his teeth sank into my bottom lip, dragging it out before his mouth hungrily attached to mine, capturing my lip between his, then softly brushing his lips over my collarbones and slowly down to my chest, his beard deliciously grazing my skin. His hands roamed my body, outlining every curve, stopping as they grabbed my hips, his fingers digging into me. My eyes closed at their own accord, I longed for this because I had been terrified of never feeling him, kissing him, touching him like this, his mouth now moving down the valley of my breasts kissing me everywhere as he gently rolled his hips into mine. A gasp escaped my parted lips, and I struggled to fake my composure. I held myself back from making any noise as he repeated his actions, but I couldn't help the heat that began to grow inside of me. He hummed into my skin then kissed me abruptly again, and I felt the friction that came along with every grind of his pelvis.
I resisted it as much as I could. I built up the strongest walls I had to put Zayn off. But if I feel sad only after a day of him ignoring me then I can't lie to myself. And when his hands roamed a little under my shirt, touching my skin, my spine shivered from the contact I felt like my skin was being caught on fire wherever his fingers touched, warmth erupted in my skin. Zayn had this way of harnessing my body wholly, making my brain go to mush. I hated it when he did this.
His body is sculptured, hard with prominent muscles, every dent and freckle correctly placed upon his skin. His arms are strong, and although possessive, they felt secure when they were around me, almost as if nothing could ever cause me harm. His tongue decidedly entered my mouth, tangling with mine while his fingers danced against my bare thighs, slowly trailing everywhere he wanted to, then again wandering under my shirt along my torso, squeezing my waist then round my back. Goose bumps rose up my body, and he moved away from the kiss once more, looking down at me with dilated eyes.
The plumpness of his lips wrapped on my bottom lip after, his breath uneven as he glided his mouth to my upper lip, copying the action bruising my lips then slipped his tongue on my mouth, sliding it on my own. He kissed me like I was fragile and meant to be kept care of.
Leaving wet kisses down my jaw to my neck, I whimpered and tugged on his hair, he moaned against my wet skin from rubbing his erection on me. I jut my hips upwards then back as our hips met rhythmically, again and again. One second later he quickly slides my knickers down my legs then he dipped a finger between my legs, swirling it around in my wetness, my whole body shaking with unbridled lust.
He moved my body so that I was sitting on the very edge of the counter, I was pushed back and sprawled on it, he gripped my thighs and stepped in between them in such a smooth way. Zayn slowly slid his hands further up my body, bringing my shirt up as well. Once it rested just below my chest, his lips followed the same path, sliding up my stomach in open-mouthed kisses. I felt the muscles in my belly clench in anticipation when he got me out of my shirt, then my sight was focused on Zayn kneeling in front of me, hazel eyes burning in mine, but I couldn't look away. I was too focused on what Zayn was doing. He's hovering before my heat and then began to pleasure me with his skillful tongue. I was putty in his hands, and his tongue moved along my folds while his hand skidded back up my thigh, I mewl. He moaned. "You're so ready for me, aren't you, love?"
My only response was a whimper while he gently circled the bundle of nerves at the apex of my thighs with the tip of his tongue, his fingers halting once they reached his lips. One was suddenly thrust inside me, and my back arched at the feeling, my mouth falling open.
His finger slowly pumped into me while my clit was caught between his lips. I failed to hold back a moan when he lightly sucked, and he pulled back to stroke me with his tongue again. "It's been so long baby. Let me hear you."
"Oh.. Zayn." I meekly heave, feeling beads of sweat building on my forehead as pleasure struck my body.
"Are you mine?" he groaned, kissing up my stomach before suddenly hooking his arm around my waist, pulling me up and standing up. My forehead leaned against his, my eyes frantic when they met his.
"I'm yours," I whispered, my breath hitching when he pulled his hand away, only to push in two of his fingers instead. Our mouths clashed together when I brought his neck down, and he grunted before picking up the speed of his fingers inside me. "Mine," he hissed, eyes black while a loud moan left my mouth, my head falling back. I could feel myself getting closer.
He went back to biting the flesh of my neck, and waves of pleasure cursed through my body as I felt my stomach tighten up. His other hand moved to my chest, squeezing me tightly when I felt my climax near, my head falling on his shoulder while I panted, my breathing heavy and loud. Then he leaned me back on the kitchen island and positioned himself between my legs on the large counter too, leaning his body onto mine, never ceasing his fingers. He was pumping faster, his long fingers curling inside of my warmth. I was clenching around his fingers, trying to get as much pleasure as I could. My mouth was gasping, making so much noise. But I was past the point of feeling shy or embarrassed. Zayn actually seemed to be fueled by the noises erupting from my mouth. He started moving them faster when I let out noises, as if to comply to my wishes.
"You're dripping for me," he spoke into my ear, tugging at my earlobe while his thumb pressed to my clit in rough circles gently coaxing me to my peak. I couldn't hold myself back any longer, the orgasm snapped into me, and his name left my mouth in an incoherent moan, my vision turning spotty, he's using two long digits to massage my clît now, as my body went into a state of cardiac arrest. The pleasure so intense it swallowed me up. I think I had screamed as my body finally fully released, a quiver of pleasure waving over my body and I saw stars, Zayn still guiding me through, my body spazmed and clenched around his fingers. "That's it, babe," he whispered, and it took longer than it should have for me to calm down. It had all happened so fast, and I could only open my eyes when he eased his touch out of me. I could feel my legs still tremble, my neck sticky with perspiration. He runs his fingers my oversensitive nub when it was over, causing me to gasp out, my legs falling closed as Zayn chuckled looking down at my limp overworked body.
He then lifted his fingers to his mouth, sliding them in and groaning while my heart sped up even faster. "You taste so fucking good, baby."
He hoists me up and soon he's striding down the hall with me on his arms and arrived in his room after he hastily put his shirt on me.
Once he got rid of his skinny jeans he laid on the bed leaning on the headboard, it was a king bed with Egyptian silk sheets, my legs were quick to straddle around his waist, and his hands moved down the sides of my body, feeling along the skin as he doesn't wait and kisses me. A gasp escaped from my mouth, and he bit against my bottom lip, eyes snapping open as he intently gazed at me.
I knew we weren't done, because if we stopped this, our unresolved problems would return and we were that selfish to still hold onto this, to have more of the thought of us.
His hand then lightly swatted my behind, receiving a yelp from me. I stared down at him through wide eyes. He returned the look I gave him with a smug, knowing smirk, his hand coming across my bare butt with another slap. His eyes seemed greatly amused as he drank in my face, and a bigger smirk slowly curled over his lips. "You like that, don't you?" He uttered knowingly, trailing his hands down my hips then back up again in dizzying circles. I purred as he sucked lightly at the place where my jaw met my neck.
I had to bite down on my lower lip when I felt his hands massaging my bum again, rolling my hips into him. I could now feel his bulge pressing into me, and it was having effects on how I felt... I unconsciously rolled my hips against him. I heard him inhale sharply from my movement, and his hands were now gripping my waist.
"I missed you." I murmured under my breath, my arms wrapping tightly around his neck, he responds with a sensual kiss. My fingers began to play with the hair on the back of his neck, the feeling soft and silky against my palms. His lips were soft and warm against mine, and they moved eagerly at me. His tongue was rolling against my lips, wanting entrance, and I obeyed without a question, tracing over his tongue sensually as he tenderly kissed me back. He had me focused on our kissing that I didn't even notice his fingers dancing their way up my spine, landing slyly on the strap of my bra.
Gasping I pulled away from the kiss with a jerk when my bra was suddenly sliding off of me. Zayn smirked cockily up at me, eyebrows raised.
"H-How did you do that?" I asked dazed. "I didn't even notice."
Zayn only brought my head down for another kiss. This time I felt his teeth grazing my bottom lip, sucking lightly as I closed my eyes and melted into the kiss. I was involuntarily grinding down on him, his bulge only exciting me further.
His hands found my bare breasts and they were fondling them hard but gently, his fingers tweaking at my peaks. I pulled back from the kiss when I couldn't breathe anymore, and I leaned further into Zayn's touch, practically begging for more attention.
He started kissing and sucking over my breasts, his soft messy hair brushing against my skin. I couldn't help but moan, my hands gripping his tatted and defined arms as I started rocking my hips against him in a slow, steady rhythm.
Pleasure was swarming within me, and I knew that it really wouldn't take long for me to orgasm at a rate like this.
"I bet I can make you come by only doing this." He cooed cockily, his lips attaching my exposed breasts, lightly nipping and sucking at the sensitive flesh showing me what he meant, I'm softly moaning and turning my head to look down at him only to find that he was already looking at me, his caramel eyes ablaze with pure emotion as he lightly sucked into my peaks alternating between them. I whimpered, my body trying to mold itself against as I fought to get even closer squirming and pressing myself to him while he sucked a nipple into his pretty swollen lips, gently tugging and rolling it in-between his teeth my body jerked to his as my thighs clenched in need to release tension because I was throbbing.
He grunted at the feeling, pulling back from bud to nip at my bottom lip. "Is that what you want? To make you come baby?" My body tingled little waves of pleasure sparking everywhere as his deep voice whispered, the temperature in the room suddenly rising to unbarring hot.
"Yes." I whispered pleadingly, he cursed and I peek at him when I feel him shuffle, he's palming himself over his boxers, warmth pooling in my southern regions as I watched Zayn's reactions.
It's the first time he has gotten so turned on to shamelessly touch himself.
Zayn directed his full attention to my breasts, he began to deeply suck on my nipple which hardened immediately under his light touch and I was panting now from all of this. My rocking was getting faster, more intuitively, his hands were on my bum again, guiding my actions. He rocked me much faster against him, I moaned again and again and I felt him thrusting into me as a response. His mouth was still on my breast, his tongue swiping and lapping eagerly, but his hands were now swatting my ass randomly.
He lightly bit down on my collarbone, tugging before leaving a stripe with his tongue back up to my jaw, creating a messy trail back to my lips in a rushed kiss.
His lips were soft and gentle as he playfully nipped and sucked at my bottom lip. I was the opposite, as I frantically tugged him closer to me, my heart pounding in my head while we responded to each other. He was being surprisingly very careful as he kissed me, bruising our lips as I tugged on his hair, lifting my hips then grinding down into his obvious excitement. "Olivia...Fuck." He mumbled against my lips, one of his hands trailing down to cup my butt and hold my hips as I grounded my hips again. I'm closing my eyes and attempting to keep up as ours kisses grew more desperate, tingles of desire running through my body as our cores connected. I gasped as he sharply thrusts into me, the thin boxers and his big bulge leaving a harsh burn that went through my bare core.
He connected our mouths together, a subtle kiss that managed to leave me breathless and craving for his lips to stay on mine forever. I hummed against the kiss before he pulled away, hovering his hands on my exposed skin. They ran up my stomach, causing it to cave beneath his touch while I let out a scattered breath. His fingers skimmed over my flushed chest and he grabbed onto my breasts that seemed to fit just right in his hands. His lips formed a warm smile, and my lids shut once more as his hands trailed to every crook of my body. I could feel myself relax on his vision, and it wasn't until I felt his mouth back on me that I reacted. I gasped into his neck, nipping at the exposed skin and tracing my tongue over his delightful tattoos.
I leaned down more, my lips lightly kissing his neck, and I began peppering his neck with gentle kisses up to his lips again. Zayn hummed in approval, his throat vibrating from the low sound. My cheeks flushed bright red as I stopped kissing him. Now I attached my lips to the skin over his collarbone, sucking harshly. When Zayn caught on to what I was doing, his hand around my butt tried to pull me closer.
I began sucking harder, focusing on one spot, enjoying Zayn's scent.
I've never given anyone a love bite before.
"That was really hot," Zayn mumbled when I'm done licking over the skin to soothe the sting I caused, which makes him knead my breast with a groan, eliciting an "ah" from me. When he thumbs over my nipples and slightly pinches them between his thumb and forefingers, I actually stop my attack on him and just rest my head against him, wet mouth now on his shoulder, nails digging into where my hands are now residing on his back, leaving marks. When I see the growing bulge in his boxers I grab his hands and look up at him, he's breathing hard biting his lip. He knows what I'm wanting to do, letting me take control but he can't stay without reconnecting our lips.
Before I could take off his boxers, Zayn had leaned one of his hands teasingly pulling my bud as I moaned quietly before it joined the other hand on my hip, then lightly rubbing over my hipbones as I helped him get his boxers away never breaking the kiss.
Our touch burning, behind his eyes he was calculating my every move until he let his own hand trail. He brought his hands up to cup my jaw, fingers loosely wrapping around the back of my neck. My fingers danced further down, my hand resting against the bulge, before they wrapped around his length, lightly squeezing.
Zayn stopped breathing for a moment, and my eyes snapped open in worry. He huffed against my mouth, the kiss now turning sloppy. My other hand went to his hair, tugging and pulling as I wanted to feel him closer to me. I hesitantly palmed him, hearing him let out a deep moan. There was an urgency that always seemed to be there whenever he kissed me, the urgency to get closer and feel every part of him. There was a rush that increased with every second that his lips were on mine, and I felt the need to touch his skin and feel the bumps of the raised flesh from the ink imprinted on his body. I needed to feel every dent and every muscle, to have his hands on me and holding me like I would vanish into thin air any second. I could feel my heartbeat racing as I wrapped my fingers around the base of his hard shaft, caressing my thumb across the slit to wipe away the pre-come that had gathered, beginning to work my hand up and down slowly, veins became visible, feeling the way he tensed and relaxed at my touch. His face held a concentrated-lustfully look, eyebrows furrowed. His lips gradually parted while he exhaled shakily and eased off, whining a few times and grunting to himself, then biting down his lip and stifling moans, I could feel his member pulsing and he thrusts himself onto my hand.
I vaguely notice that we're both completely bare.
A sudden wave of happiness and mental calmness made me stay still and retreat my hand, he groaned, eyes squeezed closed as his neglected erect member was hard and swollen.
There's only this unique kind of feeling where you would feel completely secure with someone and it would come only once, for this I was very sure. It's just a spark of this feeling but it's enough to keep me going. Nothing tastes as good as this feels.
I wanted him. I had to have him in this moment because I knew he was the one. He would take care of me.
I never thought I would feel so ready and sure about this. But I knew sooner or later I would give in for him. And it was the first time I was with him that my mind was blank without after thoughts or doubt.
I resumed my place to his chest, kissing his jaw and down to his neck, stopping when his breathing faltered. My teeth pulled on the flesh, lightly sucking before my tongue ran over the sensitive skin. Then again kissing along his neck and collarbones, "I want to be yours... I want you Zayn." I whispered on his skin like it was a secret but with no regret while I pull away to await for his reply and see his expression.
I could feel my cheeks heating up. I could feel my heart beating in my chest, and I wondered if he could hear it too as I await for his response with my bursting heart in my throat.
*a.n/ Reason why this is long is bc of smut and my lack of updating. Comment thoughts on it. x