"I don't have enough room for all my stuff." Xan huffs as Lip is trying to stuff her small backpack. "Here." I say, quickly walking over to my room and coming back with a duffel, "Use this too." I toss it to Lip. Xan is going to live with one of her relatives. I'm glad Lip agreed with the social worker. I bought her a phone so she can stay in touch, especially with Lip. "You want magazines?" Lip frantically walks around his room looking for her belongings. "Lip, she's fine." I chuckle, "Seriously, I'm okay." Xan adds and Lip nods, "Just in case." He holds up a magazine and shoves it in her duffel. "Pillow." Lip says, holding up his pillow, "That's yours." Xan furrows her eyebrows, "Yeah, but you love it." Lip says and she shrugs, "Okay." She says, taking it gently and shoving it under her arm.
"You hungry?" Lip asks as he follows Xan and I downstairs, "We just had breakfast." Xan groans, "Sandwich for the road?" Lip is so nervous, poor kid. "No thanks." Xan says, sitting down on the couch. "Uh," Lip sniffles before crouching down in front of Xan, "I'll come visit you as soon as you get settled, okay?" "Okay." "I'm really sorry you have to leave but I do think it's the best thing for you right now." Lip explains, "Yup." Xan says, she's upset, she told me last night she didn't want to leave but she understands; Lip is having a baby and she just can't stay. I told her not to feel like she's being booted out because I'm not too sure I can stay either.
The knock on the door almost drains my blood from my veins, I didn't want Xan to leave either. I liked having a little friend around now that all my old little friends were grown up. I missed having a preteen around, Liam is an adult in a preteen body and is on a cultural journey which means he's not the same Liam that left this house a couple days ago. I understand his reasoning too but I just miss having little friends around, it's been lonely now that everyone is growing up.
"How's everybody?" Peter, the social worker, asks. "Good." Lip nods. "Xan, you okay?" He asks, "Yeah." She says in a monotone. "Good, you ready to go?" He asks and she nods, standing up. "You got your phone, right?" Lip asks, picking up her duffel bag for her. "Yeah." "Charged?" He bombards her with questions, "Yes." She's slightly annoyed. "Okay." He nods and Xan hugs him. "Call me when you get there." Lip says and he holds her close to him. "I will." She says, pulling away and hugging me next. "Text me anytime you need anything or just need to talk, okay?" I say and she nods, still hugging me. "I hope you do okay when the baby comes." Xan says to me as she pulls away gently. "I'll be fine." I force a soft smile; no I won't. "I made you guys something." She says, digging in her pocket, pulling out two bracelets. "The green one is for Sadie and the purple one is for Lip." She says, handing each of us our bracelets. I immediately slip mine on, "Thank you." I admire it, "You know I can't wear this or I'll get beat up." Lip teases as he waves his pink and purple bracelet around. "Well, the pink that wraps around the other color is me, so we're always together." Xan explains and my heart shatters, why does my girl gotta go. "Xan, thank you." I hugged her once more. "I love you." She says before leaving with Peter.
Lip stares out the window as she gets into the backseat of Peter's car and officially drives away. Lip grows angry once the car is finally out of sight and he storms upstairs. "Lip, what the fuck?" I ask, following him. "Fiona didn't get her shit out so I'm helping her." He says, shoving everything she owns into garbage bags and tossing them out the boys' bedroom window. "I'll see you later, I gotta get to work." I pushes past me, angrily. "Be careful." I call out and he ignores me. I throw my head back in annoyance as I walk down to the kitchen. "Hi Fran, hey Debs." I greet the girls sitting at the table, "What's Lip's deal?" "Xan, Fi, Jason." I explain, grabbing a piece of toast. "Awesome." "You think we can get a pool again?" I ask Debs, "With our current water bill, fuck no." "Debs, I'll pay for the whole thing, it's too hot this year to not have one." "Community pool." "A boiling pot of STDs." I almost gag. "We don't need a pool, Sade and I'm not letting you pay bills in full, it's not fair we always look to you to fix shit." Debbie says and I sigh, "I'll be doing work upstairs." I announce and drag myself upstairs. The fans are not cutting it this year especially because Debbie only lets us have them on for an hour a day. She's really on a roll lately.
++
"Debs!" I yell once my laptop says the wifi is not connected. "Powers out up and down the block, it's not just us." She calls back up, "Shit." I mutter and go downstairs. "I was about to submit my work." I huff. "Wanna go to Kelly's scrimmage with me?" Debbie asks, "Um, fuck yes!" I grow excited, I love softball and I love that Kelly plays. We've done hitting and fielding practices a couple times and it feels so good to be back into it. "She has a scrimmage?" Carl asks, angrily. "Yeah and I'm gonna bring her her favorite orange gatorade." "Her favorite is lemon lime." Carl corrects, "Not what she told me." Debbie snickers and picks up Franny, walking outside. "Come on, lover boy." I gently push Carl towards the door.
++
The whole car ride up Debbie and Carl kept death glaring at each other. The first half of the game wasn't any better. They were trying to out cheer each other which is embarrassing for me let alone how Kelly felt.
"Oh my god." I mutter as Debbie stands up and starts chanting. Kelly glances over at me with wide eyes–I can see them through her catchers' mask. "I don't know." I mouth to her and she shakes her head.
++
"Hey, good shit." I say to Kelly after her game before Carl and Debbie swarm her. "Thanks." She slaps my ass gently, "What's up with those two?" She nods towards the two of them shoving each other as they speed walk over to her, "I don't have a fucking clue." I roll my eyes, "They're more embarrassing than the car rides home after a shitty game." I say and she laughs, "God I wanted to kill myself." She chuckles, "Great job, Kell." Debbie says, grabbing her bag, "You were amazing, babe." Carl says, snatching the bag from her. "I call shotgun." Debbie says, running to Kelly's truck. "No, that's my spot." Carl shouts, running after her. "Good luck." I laugh at her as I walk to my car, "I'll need it." Kelly mutters as she sluggishly walks to her truck where Carl and Debbie continue to shove each other. – Jesus Christ they're insane.
++
"Anyone home?" I call out as I toss my keys on the counter, "Yeah, up here." I hear Lip's voice, "Hey, you heard from Xan?" I ask as I hear his footsteps descending the stairs. "No, not yet. You?" He asks and my eyes make contact with his glistening rock hard stomach. I swallow hard, "Um, no not yet. M-maybe she's having a good time or she's still settling in." I stammer–I want to jump on him. "I've tried to call her a couple times, no answer." He sighs and leans against the counter, directly in front of me. "I see you have your bracelet on." I tease and gently caress my hands over the bracelet Xan made him. "Yeah, I decided to beat the shit out of anyone if they say something before they do." He jokes, "Hey." V's voice breaks the awkward sexual tension that's building in the kitchen. "Hey." Lip and I say in unison. "So you kicked Fi out?" She asks Lip and he nods, "Okay, well she's gonna stay with Kev and me until she gets back on her feet." She explains–but they didn't have room for me? "If she stays with you and Kev she'll never get back on her feet." "I'm worried about her Lip." "Yeah, me too." "Then let her back in the damn house." V tries to reason. "She needs to hit rock bottom." Lip huffs. "Rock bottom?" V chuckles, "She's a strong person, Lip. I know you know that but even the strongest people fall down sometimes." She explains as Lip puts a cigarette in his mouth and lights it. "You did. I have. Kev has. We are here to lift each other up." V mothers and Lip doesn't speak, "You've heard all this before, right?" She chuckles once more, "You gonna sit there and think just because you're in AA you have all the answers?" V folds her arms in front of her chest. "If you were mister know it all, you wouldn't be in the situation you're in right now. None of it." V scolds and glances at me quickly before refocusing on Lip, "All you know how to do is hurt people you love and that's not how Fiona raised you." She continues. "Don't let her stay with you." Lip repeats. "What kind of friend would I be?" V asks. "What kind of friend do you wanna be?" Lip asks "The kind that sees her drunk at the Alibi every morning? The kind that watches her lose her job? Her apartment building? Watches her wreck her car and go to jail? Then go ahead, buy her a case of vodka, grab a shovel and help her dig that grave. Cause that's not a friend. That's a fucking bystander." Lip says. "Lip, I have-" "V!" He shouts over her which takes me back, her too. "If you really love her and you really are her friend. You won't let her stay with you." Lip says once more before tapping the ash off his cigarette into the ashtray on the counter. It's quiet for a moment before V storms out of the house.
"You okay?" I ask him and he nods, taking a big drag out of his cigarette, "You?" He asks, holding in the smoke before blowing it away from my face. I shrug. "Wanna talk about it?" He asks, putting out his cigarette and I shake my head, "Nothing to talk about." I shrug once more and walk upstairs. "Sade." I hear him run up the stairs, skipping a few behind me. "Lip, I'm fine." I say, "Sadie, your eyes are glossy and your voice is soft." Lip says, looking me into my eyes. "I'm just hot and tired." I lie, slightly. "Sade." He huffs, "Lip, truly if you can't decipher what is wrong, that's a whole other issue I hope your child doesn't get from you." I roll my eyes and walk into my room. "Is this all because she's pregnant?" He asks and I roll my eyes, sitting on my bed facing the window so the slight breeze can cool me off a bit. "Sade, I'm sorry but you can't still be mad about it. How is that fair to me and the promise you made? The promise you made that I agreed with for you. That's not fair." "That's not fair?" I chuckle, "Wanna know what's not fair? You begging for more chances when I try to leave. It's not fair that you manipulate me by reminding me of all the good times we had together while I'm trying my best to forget all of them. It's not fair you keep opening a door I've tried my hardest to shut. It's not fair how you tell me how sad YOU are about us not being together due to YOUR actions and I get it me living here isn't fair to you but you never let me go either. Let me fucking go. Let me move on because Jesus Christ, Lip you're having a baby and it's not with me." I finally broke on him, tears ran down my cheeks and sweat beads on my forehead. "It's not fair you can just hug me and I'm swooning for you once again like I was when I was sixteen. It's not fair how badly I crave your touch, your smell, you Lip. It's not fair what you know you can do to me and then treat me however you feel like it. Why do you love to hurt me?" I ask and he glances up at the ceiling, hoping his tears don't fall. "Please leave my room." I insist and he shakes his head, "Sadie, I cry myself to sleep almost every night and have every night you weren't next to me due to shit I caused. I don't want to be like this, I don't want anyone but you. I never have. I just get so impulsive and I'm weak. I had, have a problem. I'm working on each one of them day by day and I know I can't fix this but Sadie I love you. I can't have you away from me." "Why do you love me, Lip? Simple question." I turn to face him, sitting criss crossed on my bed. "Simple question but not a simple answer." He sniffles and wipes his face. "I've been through a lot and you know every single thing yet never have seen the worst in me. When everything starts to overwhelm me, whenever I so badly want to pick up a bottle, I don't because I think of you. You are my person Sadie Elizabeth. You breathe life into me. I love you because you're you." His words are choked by tears. I bite my tongue and stare down at my toes and play with the corner of the blanket Lip made for me–I can't sleep without it. "Without you I'm a fucking mess." He says reaching into his back pocket, showing me my old ring, "I keep it with me everywhere. Regardless of who my baby mom is, it's always going to be you. Tami can be in fucking labor and if you need me, I'm coming. You are number one in my heart always, you are Sadie Gallagher. Only you, always you." Lip says and I put my face into my hands. Suddenly I feel his arms wrap around me, laying me down next to him. The sound of his heartbeat sucks me in, I don't fight it. I just lay with him, I knew it was stupid of me but I couldn't move, I was stuck to him. I miss him.
++
"Tami's here!" The sound of Carl's voice jolts me awake, "Shit." I mutter, rubbing my face. "Lip, Tami is here, get up." I shake him and he sits up, "Shit." He mutters and stands up, walking away from my room. I get up behind him, locking my shut door, listening. "Why did you come out of her room with no shirt on?" Tami asks, "We had no power, it was hot and I fell asleep in there. Her room was the only one with a breeze." I hear him say. "Whatever, Lip." I hear her say before his door shuts. "Shit." I mutter because I can't hear their conversation, maybe it's for the better.