Only You - [Lip Gallagher]

tears and apologies

"Looks like we're getting new neighbors down the block." Carl says, walking into the kitchen, "Are those hickeys?" I ask him, grabbing his chin and tilting his head, "Yeah, he's turned into a sex machine and he's using his injured leg to help him get girls." Debs scoffs, "Jesus Christ, I leave for a few months and you both are just growing up on me." I groan, "Holly and Ellie threw a party last night, those skanks are randy." Carl chuckles, "You're sick and why are you hanging out with the girls that are mean to your sister?" I ask, crossing my arms, "Just because they don't like her doesn't mean I'm not getting easy skanks on my side." Carl shrugs, "Enough, you're still a baby. I don't want to hear it." I say, covering my ears and turning towards Debbie who is now moping, "Hey, throw your own party." I smile and tap her chin lightly, "Can you come to my party? I need older people here so people will think I'm cool." Debbie lights up, "I'll be there, you just let me know when." I say with a smile, "I always can count on you, I love you." Debs squeals, hugs me and runs off. "Okay." I mumble and turn back to Carl, "I better not see you participating in any sexual activities." I wave my finger in Carl's face, "So don't look under the stairs." Carl chuckles and walks past me, "Wear condoms please." I call up to him as he climbs the stairs, "No promises." He shouts back.

These kids are going to be the death of me, they're aging me faster than time itself. I could've sworn Carl was still 9 and Debbie was 11, what the fuck is going on?

++

"Debs, Lip! Come and get it!" I hear Fiona shout as I walk into the house, "Hey, good timing! Eat." Fiona smiles at me, "Sorry, I would've helped with dinner but I was over at Mickey's; Ian is on a cleaning fix right now." I sigh, "He should come here and do that." Fi chuckles and puts down a box of chicken and a container of mashed potatoes as I sit down next to Liam, "Hi baby." I cooed at him, "Hi." He smiles and shows me his chicken, "Is that good?" I ask with a smile as I make my own plate, "Yes." He giggles, making me smile wider; he's such a sweetheart. "Yo." Lip says as he comes down the stairs in nothing but a towel, "Hey." Fiona says softly, "You feeling better?" Fiona asks, "Yeah my blisters are finally opening up so I'm in the fun pain portion of the healing process now." Lip smiles and glances at me and just when he formulated his mouth to talk Carl walked in and saved me. "I need help terrorizing the lesbos after dinner." Carl sounds slightly annoyed, "What?" I ask, swallowing my mouthful of chicken, "Lesbos?" Fiona questioned as she sat down across from me, "They're moving in down the street. Frank says they're gonna screw up the whole neighborhood." Carl sighs, throwing his backpack on the ground. "More cops, flowers, paint their houses; shit like that." He scoffs, sitting down next to me. "That could be a good thing! A way for us to get out of the hood without actually leaving." Fiona sounds hopeful, "Frank says that's a bad thing." Carl sounds worried, "Why? Cause you and Debs can go to school without a metal detector? Liam can play in a park without empty crack vials?" Fiona says, "Debs! It's getting cold!" She then shouts for Debbie again. "Would you help me?" Carl asks, looking at Lip, "Uh, yeah sure." Lip replies, knowing that it would usually spike a reaction from me but instead I chose to ignore his antics, "Debs you look nice." I compliment as she trots down the stairs, "Thanks." She says quickly, "Sit down and eat." Fiona waves her over, "Can't, got to get ready for my party tonight." Debbie says, looking around for something. "Tonight?" Fiona and I ask in unison. "Yeah." She says, "But I won't be home." Fiona informs her, worried. "I don't need a chaperone for a party and besides, Sadie will be here. Right?" Debs says, looking at me, "Yes." I nod, "Fine but if anything goes down one of you better call me." Fiona waves her finger at the both of us. "Can I come too Debs?" Lip asks, "Sure!" She sounds happy, as she walks into the living room with a wad of our Christmas lights.

++

As I walk downstairs to Debbie's party, I see her struggling, "Oh, Debs." I say and rest my arm on her shoulder, "What am I gonna do with you?" I tease, "What do you mean?" Debs asks, "Stop stressing and just let people enjoy themselves, don't spread yourself too thin." I nudged her, "Hey, look who's here." Lip says and bear hugs me as I squirm out of his grip; he's been drinking already, "Hi." I say and he's still holding me gently, "Can we go up to the room really quick?" He whispers into my ear, I hesitate but I nod and follow his lead up to the boys' room.

We sit down on Ian's bed and he holds my hand gently, "You're gorgeous you know that?" He says and moves his hands to my face, "You're sweet. You're funny. You're very smart." He looks deeply into my eyes and I try to look away but I can't. "You know that right?" His voice sounds so soft and genuine, "Lip." I say and try to move his hands away, "I mean it, okay?" His eyes are full of sadness, "You're a great fucking person, Sadie." A tear falls from his left eye, I reach my hand up to his face to wipe it, "You are too." I say before leaning in to kiss him, he pulls me onto his lap and kisses me back passionately, "I fucking miss you." He says against my lips, "I miss you too." I say before we kiss again, "Wait," I pull away and sigh, "You have a girlfriend." I stand up, "I can't do this to myself again." I shake my head and pull down my dress, "I love you, but I'm sorry." I say and hurry downstairs, "Sadie, wait please." He follows after me, "I know I've abused the word sorry, ever since we were 16. Three years I abused that word and I broke a good thing we had going. But Sadie it's always been you, ever since your dad dropped you off that day it's always been you. Every thought I have you're somewhere in it, every time I make a stupid mistake I think about how you'd lecture me and you'd be so pissed off with me, I just can't seem to get shit right anymore but whenever I'm with you everything feels right." He holds my face, "Sadie, I love you. I've always loved you." He gently shakes my head, "I love you." His voice cracks with sadness, tears flow from my eyes and land on the sides of his hands, "Lip, will we ever learn? We've been here before, so many times. This is all we know, tears and apologizes. Lip, I love you too I always have but we can't keep doing this." I gently remove his hands and hold them for a moment, "I gotta go." I say, voice full of pain as gently drop his hands and walk away. "I mean I get it," Lip says as I'm walking away, "You're not the kind of girl somebody wants to lose. Can we go for breakfast tomorrow?" Lip calls out, I sigh, "As friends?" I turn back towards him, he hesitates but nods, "Friends." I know he hated saying that. "You're not going home are you?" Lip asks, I shake my head, "You leave for Miami tomorrow night, does it matter?" "I'm actually going so I can finally call things off with her. I've tried to tell you for the past few days." Lip says, causing me to turn back towards him, "What?" "Sadie, I told you I only will ever love you. She helped me keep my scholarship, I know I could've asked you but I didn't want to jeoprodize your grades, your future." Lip rambles, "Lip, you and me against it all. I've been here for you for years and you just keep throwing me away." I sigh, "Sadie, I know. I'm sorry. School has been stressful and not being close to you it kills me. We lived together for two years and then it's just stripped from me. I can feel you next to me every night and when I reach over and realize you're not there it's hard. I can still smell you all over my clothes, I slept with your stupid blanket every night; I never let her in my bed, I never let anyone touch your spot; not your spot in my bed or in my heart." Lip speaks genuinely. "Lip," I say, sitting in his lap, "I forgive you. Again." I say as he nuzzles his head into my neck, "But don't ever call my one direction blanket stupid again or else I'll have to kill you." I joke, lifitng his head and resting my forehead against his, "It's stupid." Lip teases with a smile, "You love it." I tease him back, "I love you." "I love you."

Before I knew it our lips were smashed against each other and he was laying me down on Ian's bed. "Lip, we can't." I breath out as he trails kisses down my neck, "You still have a girlfriend." I push him off me, "She's not my girlfriend." Lip says panting slightly, "She is." I sigh, sitting up. "Sade, I'm sorry." Lip grabs my wrist gently, "It's okay. I'll see you later, okay?" I stand up, "No, just lay here with me. Please." Lip begs.

I hesitate but then I crawl back into bed with him and lay in his strong embrace, I missed this. I missed him. I missed us.