Namjoon halted his note-taking, lifting his gaze to meet Jungkook's eyes. They were seated facing each other, their attention fully engaged.
"Can you say that again, please? Sorry, I didn't catch the last part of what you said." Namjoon sought clarification to ensure he had accurately understood Jungkook's words.
"Seokjin and I are expecting a baby. He has recently moved in with me. There are certain differences between him and me, and before he got pregnant, it didn't seem likely that our relationship would progress. You're aware of the previous incidents that have taken place. Despite the recent developments and the surprising news of his pregnancy, it appears there is now a possibility of a deeper connection between us."
After a brief pause, Jungkook thought long and hard about carefully crafting his words to convey his current thoughts and emotions. Something that had been requested of him during a conversation with Namjoon.
Namjoon observed him closely, patiently waiting for Jungkook to gather his thoughts. It was evident that Jungkook was finding it difficult to articulate his emotions, but Namjoon remained attentive.
After an extended silence, Namjoon broke it by asking Jungkook about his current thoughts. "It seems like you may have a few doubts. Would you like to discuss them with me?"
"There appears to be a distinct contrast between my experiences and the events that unfold in my life. I have observed two individuals in my surrounding area who have recently become pregnant, and the connection they share with their partners appears to be different from what Seokjin and I are experiencing."
"What do you mean by that? Would you be willing to provide more details so I can better understand?" Namjoon asked as he continued jotting down notes.
"What part of it was unclear to you?" Jungkook questioned Namjoon, making direct eye contact, "I clearly expressed that things appear different. What part of my statement was unclear to you?"
"Jungkook, I understood what you explained, but I'm curious about the differences in your perspectives with Seokjin. Could you provide some insight on that for me?"
"It's clear that my perspective is unique because it diverges from the norm. Those other individuals have chosen to have a baby because it is their ultimate goal. It appears that my brother and his partner have made the decision to start a family. It's unclear what led my assistant to this situation, possibly due to a lack of planning. However, he and the other parent of his baby appear enthusiastic about beginning the journey of becoming parents.
That doesn't apply to Seokjin and me. Months ago, Seokjin and I were not headed towards a romantic relationship. I mistakenly believed we were but later realized my error, causing us to grow apart. Then, to our surprise, news of his pregnancy came, and now we find ourselves living together." Jungkook let out a tired sigh as he tried to explain everything to Namjoon.
"How does-"
"Seokjin is someone I enjoy being around despite the age difference. We seem to connect well. In my opinion, that's what I believe. Although I have reservations about starting a family, I am willing to try. I don't believe Seokjin is concerned about my role as a parent, which has provided me with valuable support. However, I'm unsure about how to establish a connection between him and me."
Jungkook glanced at his hands, murmuring, "I don't believe he truly wants to be with me. Perhaps his current presence is largely influenced by the fact that he is expecting. I know if he weren't, we wouldn't be living together, and that leaves me feeling confused because I want to care for him, but I believe it will only be a temporary arrangement until he finds someone he's interested in."
Namjoon had ceased jotting down notes, captivated by the depth of Jungkook's revelations. It was refreshing not to have to extract every word from Jungkook to grasp his thoughts.
"I have also hesitated to be intimate with him because I desire a more meaningful connection. I believe that's the only aspect that has captured his attention when it comes to me. Although I recently discovered that during pregnancy, there is a heightened chance of arousal, can you confirm this as a medical professional?
I want to ensure that I provide support and assistance to him during his pregnancy while also maintaining a balanced and respectful relationship and not being used for intimacy purposes only.
I have experienced being treated that way before, and it is unacceptable for it to occur again. I'm looking for something authentic. I'd love to wear a ring similar to yours, my brother's, and those I've encountered. I desire someone who can be exclusively mine and claim me as their own. Why does everyone else get that, but I can't?"
Namjoon set his notebook aside, fully focused on Jungkook as he spoke, "I want to acknowledge and applaud you for opening up to me today. Please take a moment to feel proud of yourself for sharing this. From all of our previous sessions - today, I have noticed an admirable amount of vulnerability from you.
I want to express my appreciation for your trust and willingness to share your emotions with me. That said, I want to offer my support in discussing the matters you have shared with me. Together, we can explore practical steps to address the concerns you have raised. What do you think of that?"
"If I find them useful, then potentially," Jungkook replied, his defenses coming back up, already feeling vulnerable after revealing so much to Namjoon.
Namjoon nodded, familiar with Jungkook's reactions from past experiences.
"That's great! Given the amount of information shared today, it's important to start with simple steps that are easy for you to understand and adjust to. This way, you can assess the changes and decide which ones you feel comfortable making."
"And what are those simple steps? Will we get to them today?"
Namjoon smiled, "Yes, Jungkook, I was about to address them. Based on your previous interactions with Seokjin and the challenges that have occurred, I offer a few suggestions. Consider the importance of these suggestions, not just for yourself, Seokjin, but also for the child you are about to welcome into your world.
The first thing I want you to do is learn. Make an effort to gain insight into Seokjin's priorities and values. It could be about his perspectives on relationships, professional life, favored meals, or any other topic. The goal here is to create an environment where he feels comfortable and engaged in the conversation.
Additionally, as he starts to open up and you start to gain insight, it's important for you also to be open and share what you feel comfortable with him knowing about you. This way, he can also learn and understand you better, which happens organically.
Next, I want you to take a moment to reflect before you speak. I don't believe it's necessary to delve into this topic extensively since we have already covered it in multiple sessions. However, if you feel it would be helpful for me to provide further clarification, please feel free to let me know.
Lastly, please consistently attend our weekly sessions instead of occasionally missing them, as you have recently done. Consistency is key to maximizing the benefits of our sessions and your progress. We have a lot to work on, and I want to support you."
Jungkook gazed at Namjoon, his eyes filled with curiosity. "Are any of these suggestions going to make a difference in my relationship with Seokjin?" he inquired. "You expect me to analyze, evaluate, and reconsider my words and meet with you every week, even though it hasn't been helpful for me. Despite all this time spent with you, I still haven't been able to make any progress in being with the person I want."
"To make progress, Jungkook, it's important to be receptive to the suggestions I've shared and avoid resisting the help I offer."
"What help can you provide? I inquired about the accuracy of one's level of arousal during pregnancy, but even as a medical professional, you were unable to provide a response. Should I also learn that from Seokjin?"
Namjoon sighed, "I'm sorry for not addressing your question earlier, but it is indeed possible for someone's arousal and sensitivity to increase during pregnancy. Jungkook, I know you are aware that I am here to support you, and it seems that you are experiencing a lot of anxiety and frustration lately, which is not uncommon, especially when dealing with the sudden changes you have been-"
"What if I don't succeed as a father? I am fond of Seokjin but am willing to accept if he doesn't reciprocate my feelings and move on. Even though I already deeply cherish my child and cannot bear the thought of losing them, I am plagued by the fear that they may come to realize my shortcomings and choose to exclude me from their life. In such a situation, I am at a loss for what steps to take.
Also, the company has a policy in place that grants new parents a year off work. Is this benefit also available to me, or is it exclusively for someone like Seokjin?
How can I determine the correct size when shopping for the baby? Is there a resource available to determine the initial measurement? I can have the person who makes my suit start preparing clothes, but I'm unsure about the size they should make. What steps should I take to prepare Bam for meeting our new baby? What-"
"Jungkook, it would be helpful for you to take a moment and take a deep breath."
*****
A/N: This chapter is shorter than usual intentionally, as I have chosen to separate a much longer chapter into two chapters. The next chapter will follow within the week.