A/N: A very special Thanks to @CuteK86 for all of your help with the Odair brothers and in your collaborative work on this chapter. I truly appreciate you. Jasper and I are so honored that you have put in so much work to creating a fic based on his original character, and I hope that I am able to bring some mirrored honor back to all of your hard work as well with this chapter. (And for those who have not read it, please check out Sarah's beautiful work in progress: https://www.wattpad.com/story/295140428-freaks-year-one )
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"Shhh."
"I am shh-ing, don't be such a grump, Toby."
"You're not shh-ing, you're telling me you're shh-ing, so you're not actually shh-ed!"
"Both of you shh," Jasper cut in, his voice barely more than a breath.
Toby looked abashed and Ethan looked rather smug.
Jasper signaled for them to follow him, and he ducked down the hall, sneaking past their mother and father's room on tip-toe. The hardwood floor of the hallway was cold under foot, Jasper's threadbare socks afforded little protection on a night like this, with icy temperatures and a wind that howled against the house.
Jasper paused in front of their parents' bedroom door and motioned for Toby and Ethan to go ahead past - he wanted them safely tucked into Francis and Edgar's room ahead of him so that if anyone caught trouble for making noise in the hall it would be him, Jasper, that got it, not them.
He listened through the door for any hint of sound coming from within, but there was nothing aside from that whistling wind catching the shutters outside their parents' bedroom window. If they were lucky then their father had drunk enough that he would sleep through that sound as well as any they made in the hall. Hell, if they were lucky then their father had drunk enough that he would sleep... and just never wake up, for that matter.
Jasper felt guilty even thinking that.
"Jaz."
He looked up at Toby's head sticking out of the door of the younger boys' room. He waved his palm for Jasper to follow - and Jasper nodded, tip-toeing the rest of the way after them down the hall and ducking inside.
The bedroom was dark, only what little light the moon afforded them illuminated it. Jasper closed the door quietly, turning the knob so that the hardware wouldn't click, and he drew his wand. "Lumos," he breathed.
God, he needed to work on silent spellwork. He hoped that perhaps the second term would see him able to do that a bit. Maybe if he asked Professor Virindi, maybe she could help him.
The wand tip was bright and he used a trick he'd learned from Meg Johnson to dim the light. Like hushing a baby or blowing out a candle, one blew at the tip of the wand and the light would soften. Now it was just a nice glow.
Francis and Edgar had stretched their quilts over the space between their beds to create a small fortress. Edgar was on his knees at the foot of his bed, grinning with pride. He waved for Jasper, Toby, and Ethan to come in, and turned, crawling under the blankets himself and disappearing in the cavernous space below.
Jasper glanced at the door and turned back, quickly turning the lock, before going and joining his brothers in the blanket fort. His wand was much appreciated by all four of the others, even the dim glow seemed bright under there.
"Hi," Francis signed with a wave.
"Hi," Jasper waved back.
Francis smiled and hugged a stuffed owl against his stomach. He had gotten it as a gift from Jasper one year for his birthday.
It was warmer underneath with all five brothers smooshed in the small space between the two beds, crammed so close that their knees touched. Jasper and Toby were slouched down to keep their heads from touching the blanket roof. It was always warmer when it was the five of them together - even if the cold was only metaphorical at times. But this close to Christmas, there was something extra special about them all getting to be together.
"We don't get to be together enough anymore now that you've gone to school," Francis had once said to Jasper, and ever since that moment, Jasper had been extra vigilant about being sure to spend time with the brothers when he was home from Hogwarts on holiday and during the Summer.
Edgar nudged Jasper's arm and Jasper raised his elbow a bit so Edgar could lay with his head against Jasper's knee like a pillow, hugging Mr. Fox to his chest. The wand light cast shadows of their silhouettes against the blanket and bed sides as they sat quietly, enjoying the warmth and nearness of one another even as the wind blew.
After several minutes, Ethan signed, "Is it this cold at Hogwarts, Jasper?" He put his pinkie up near the side of his mouth and drew the letter J in the air.
Jasper thought of the warm beds, blankets filled with magical heat that never died away, even in the coldest nights... he thought of the fireplaces in the Hufflepuff common room and those lazy, fat tabby cats that slept in the exposed rafters overhead. He thought of the plush brown carpets and the special windows that gave warm sun on the trays of plants even in the depths of the coldest winters. But he didn't want to make them feel bad. Sometimes he felt he had to walk a thin line between feeding their imaginations of what a brilliant place Hogwarts was... and keeping himself from bragging about the place that he got to go to that the other boys were excluded from.
He felt a bitter pang of guilt for about the hundredth time that not all his brothers were magical like him.
He also wasn't entirely sure how to say Hufflepuff in sign language. He'd have to consult Jordan when he was back at school after the holiday. He remembered it had something to do with the letter H... maybe it was paired with the sign for badger? He would have to ask her again. For now, he left it out. "There are loads of fireplaces at Hogwarts," Jasper signed. "The fires never go out," he added. He paused.
"I'll bet they're the warmest fires in the world," signed Ethan, excitedly, just as Jasper had expected him to do. "You can sit as close as you want and not get burnt up."
"And you can roast marshmallows on them and they don't catch on fire," added Toby.
"Marshmallows! Yum!" Francis signed. He grinned and then reached under his bed and pulled out a small bag of marshmallows he had hidden away there, waving it before them and Edgar's eyes lit up as he grabbed for the bag, sitting up so that Mr. Fox, the poor lumpy thing, fell onto the carpet in front of Jasper's legs.
They passed about the bag of marshmallows and Ethan stuffed too many in his mouth at once so that his cheeks puffed out and he looked like a chipmunk and Francis covered his mouth to stifle a laugh.
"I want to ride a dragon," signed Ethan suddenly, the marshmallows still in his mouth. Jasper wanted to say how he should wait until he had chewed his food before signing but Toby beat him to it.
"Not polite," Toby signed, bringing his fist up to his chin, and brushing his thumb under it. He then put the same hand, thumb touching the middle of his chest, hand in the shape of the number five and did a small up and down motion.
Ethan shrugged.
Toby rolled his eyes as Francis signed, "I want to ride an owl."
"You can't ride an owl," Ethan signed, scrunching up his nose. "It is always owls with you."
Francis ignored him. "Jasper, do they have dragon-sized owls?"
Before Jasper could even reply, Ethan gave Francis a small shove and signed, "You know they don't!"
"Well, I don't care what you think," Francis signed, giving him a pointed look. "In my dreams I will ride the biggest, bestest, greatest, most wonderful owl–"
"And then you fall off," Ethan signed holding up the letter F and making it fall to the ground."
Francis hit Ethan in the shoulder.
"Be nice to your little brother," Jasper signed, giving Ethan a stern look. He turned to Francis and gave a tiny smile. "And what can this special owl do?"
"Swim underwater," Francis signed.
"Breathe fire!" Ethan added.
"Can it eat those funny little animal crackers?" Edgar signed, looking over at Francis. "The ones that make noise?"
Ethan made a face. "It is already an owl–"
"It would be cool," Edgar continued. "Like an owl that can roar! Like a lion!"
"Why wouldn't the owl just eat owl treats?" Toby finally signed.
The other four brothers signed this simultaneously, "Boring!"
After the siblings got over their conversation about a giant-sized, water-breathing, fire-breathing, animal cracker eating, owl, Jasper told them about the plants and the special windows, too, and it led to their wildest imaginings of what sorts of plants must be at a wizarding school. Edgar imagined there might be one that Smarties and Rowntrees grew on and that rainbows made the candy all the colors. It was Ethan who made up a licorice tree with vines you could tear off and gobble up and Toby asked whether the leaves would be eatable too. "Of course," Ethan signed, "Like Willy Wonka says... everything is eatable!" He used the special sign that Francis had made up for Willy Wonka here - a W held up then pressing an invisible chocolate into the mouth making an imaginary chomp in the direction of the W. Francis - and indeed all five boys - thought this a very, very clever sign name for Mr. Wonka.
"You know," Jasper said to Oliver as he told this story to him, "They were so blasted excited when I learned that Willy Wonka was a real person! A wizard!"
"No way," Oliver said, sitting up, "Really?"
"Yes," Jasper said, nodding. "My brothers really loved that book. Read it all the time."
"Huh," Oliver said.
"What?" asked Jasper.
"Nothing," Oliver answered.
"We had a worn out copy that was so well used the cover had fallen off."
"Huh!" Oliver said again.
"A double huh!" said Jasper, grinning, "What is it?"
"Just that we had a copy just like that. Eli absolutely loves the Oompa Loompas."
"Oompa Loompas are simply Brazilian house elves," Jasper said.
"No way," Oliver said.
"Way. Look it up when you get back to Hogwarts. It's terribly fascinating," Jasper said.
"I will," Oliver grinned.
And Jasper made a mental note to be sure to get a copy of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for the flat over the ice cream parlor.
Jasper wished they could just sit under the blankets, imagine things, and eat the marshmallows all night. If only their entire childhood had been so wonderful as the memories of nights like that... But he could still remember that particular night being interrupted by the sound of the front door slamming downstairs and feeling the pit in his stomach as he realized that their father hadn't come home yet, as they'd thought.
"Nox," he hissed, the light going out.
Oliver had looked up at Jasper at the mention of the slamming door, of the father coming home, a sick feeling in his stomach. It had been the same for him and his brothers, too, hadn't it?
"Did he catch you?" he asked quietly.
"Not that time," Jasper said.
"But others?"
Jasper nodded.
There were times they were caught and times that they were nearly caught before Jasper went and gave himself up to keep the others from being caught as a collective. He only ever wanted it to be him that got caught at things. He didn't want to think about what happened when he wasn't there, when he wasn't the one that went to be caught before the others, though he had a feeling that the bruises that had lingered on Toby's cheek when he'd come home for the Summer before fourth year answered that question.
"I could stay home," Jasper said once to Toby - indeed, he'd said it to each of his brothers at one time or another.
Toby's eyes were stern as he stared at his brother. "No you couldn't," he said firmly.
"I could," Jasper insisted. "I could protect you lot and –"
"Jasper," Toby interrupted him. "You knowing how to do magic is the best way you can protect us. Please, stop with this... this proposition and trust me. Trust me to take care of them. Please."
At least one of us succeeded at it, Jasper thought sadly.
After that, Jasper worked extra hard at Hogwarts. Getting good grades at school wasn't just about his education anymore. It was about being able to learn how to protect his brothers. He learned how to make spells that put silencing charms that would seal off their bedrooms so they could talk and laugh and play without getting in trouble for disturbing their father watching telly in the living room, for example, and he spent half the Summer between fourth and fifth year setting those charms for them.
"I wanted to do stuff like that, too," Oliver said. "I didn't get a chance yet..." His tone was heavy with guilt.
"Well, now you never have to," Jasper said reassuringly.
Oliver looked up. "I protected them all I could."
Jasper nodded.
He'd protected his brothers all he could, too.
He had the scars to prove it.
"Me and Kevin did that, too," Oliver confessed. "Michael sometimes also. If she was having a bad night, we'd do something to make her angry, just so she took it out on us before she could take it out on Nathan or Eil."
"Exactly," Jasper said.
"Come on old man," Jasper's voice was trembling, even as he pushed himself up from the stairs, where his father had shoved him against the banister so hard that he'd been sure he had heard the wood crack. Or maybe it was his bones that had cracked. He wasn't sure anymore. "Is that all you have?"
"You're mental for goading him like that," muttered Toby one night as he sat next to Jasper, putting dabs of ointment on a cut that sliced over Jasper's arm, Jasper's wand lighting the room with just enough light so Toby could see. Toby was quiet, staring at the cuts before asking, "Why do you do it?"
Jasper shrugged.
Toby raised an eyebrow.
Finally, Jasper said, "Because I like seeing how mad it makes him."
Toby's eyes met Jasper's, his brown eyes piercing into his. "He loses control when he's mad," he said.
"Yeah," Jasper said softly, "But if he's lost it, then it's me who's gained it, isn't it?"
Toby shook his head, his tone was angry - anger laced with frustration, "You're stupid."
But it didn't feel stupid.
And honestly, Toby didn't really think Jasper was stupid, either, and Jasper knew that. He knew it by the look in Toby's eyes when he said it. What Toby meant when he said it was thank you.
Thank you for helping me to protect them.
The one time Toby didn't mean it that way was when he said it to Jasper later - after - when he'd been released from Azkaban and Edgar's wand had been snapped in half. "Why don't you go back to Hogwarts?" Toby asked.
They were outside the little house, Edgar inside getting the last of his things from the room he once shared with Francis. Ethan was leaning against the porch railing, smoking, and Francis sat on the stoop, his hearing aid out and in his hand, staring at it with a somber expression.
"Because Edgar can't go back, Toby," Jasper said.
"So what? You can. I can look after him."
Jasper shrugged.
"You're stupid," Toby said, shortly and he got up and went inside.
Jasper sighed.
Ethan took a long drag of his cigarette. "He's right, you really are stupid not going back."
Jasper looked up at him and sighed.
Another time, Toby had called Jasper stupid they had been in the middle of a huge fight. It was later, after - after Edgar had –
"You said that the whole point of you not going back to Hogwarts was to be there for him!" Toby was yelling. "You said - you said that you were going to protect him like we used to do here and that I didn't have to worry about him anymore, that you were gonna take care of him! You said –!"
"I TRIED," Jasper shouted, "I tried! I –"
"You didn't try hard enough!" Toby bellowed. He shook his head and turned away.
They were at the house, in the kitchen. Jasper's head was throbbing - he'd been out too late last night, with Sirius Black and Bilius Weasley 'round the Grindyswallow and Ethel had kicked him out and he'd been stupid - Toby's words - to come here... but their Mum had told him if he ever needed anything... and God, Jasper needed something. He didn't know what, but Something and whatever that something was, he'd hoped he might catch a glimpse of it here, in this place, with his brothers... but they only reminded him of the brother that was missing. The brother he had let down.
Francis sat at the table, staring into the depths of the oatmeal he was attempting to eat for breakfast. He reached up and took his hearing aid out, putting it down on the table, prominently placed so Jasper and Toby were sure to see it. He didn't want to hear them fight anymore.
Jasper felt sick.
"You're just like Dad," Toby said.
The silence that had followed had been so heavy.
Ethan had stood up from where he'd been hiding behind the open refrigerator door and peered over at Toby and his face paled. Francis, without his hearing aids, had caught the harsh words that formed Toby's lips and he stared, eyes wide, at his second-oldest brother.
Jasper froze.
Toby stepped closer. "That's right, Jaz. You're just like Dad."
Jasper looked up at Toby.
Their eyes bore into one another.
"Fuck you," Jasper said and he'd pushed up from the table - tripped over his own two feet - and gone down.
"I landed exactly where he died," Jasper said quietly, scared to look up and see the shock on Oliver's face.
Oliver stared at Jasper, his heart breaking, stomach knotting up. He could feel the pain in every pore of his body. "He - how - how could he say that?" he gasped. "How could Toby say that to you?"
"Because it was true," Jasper said. "And as much as it hurt... I had to hear it."
"It's so - it's so unfair."
"It's not unfair," Jasper shook his head. "Oliver, the truth hurts so much sometimes but it's desperately important... You can't love someone if you don't love them through the truth of things."
Oliver was silent, contemplating this.
"That was the day my mother told me about her recovery program."
Oliver looked up.
"That was the day that I started turning my life around."
"I'm so glad you did," Oliver said.
"I am, too," Jasper answered, "Because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have been clean enough to find Meg. I wouldn't have been clean enough to help you... and the boys..."
Oliver asked, "Did Toby say sorry?"
Jasper shook his head. "I wouldn't let him."
It was just the other day - the wedding day - in the small room off the foyer at the church, when the brothers had come to speak to Jasper. Toby had taken Jasper's arm and pulled him aside. "Jaz," he said quietly, his voice low, "We, er - we need to - to talk."
"Toby," Jasper shook his head, "You were right."
Toby stared Jasper in the eyes. "I might've been nicer about it. I... I should've."
"Nicer might not have gotten through to me." Jasper took a deep breath, "What you said destroyed me, Toby. But you know... that part of me... it needed to be destroyed, didn't it? So in a way you saved my life."
Toby's eyes welled up. "Jaz –"
"Thank you." Jasper signed it. For old times sake.
Toby ran his hands over his hair and shook his head, spinning away to break the eye contact. He muttered under his breath, trying to keep his composure, and finally turned back 'round to face Jasper again and he said, "Honestly Jaz after all the years you protected us, I owed you at least one good life saving, yeah?"
Jasper laughed and he beckoned Toby forward, clapping his arms about his brother's shoulders. When he let go, it was because the door had burst open and Ethan was standing in the frame of it, giddy with excitement, "Jaz - Jaz - Jaz."
"What?" Jasper asked.
"That Sirius Black bloke is fucking hilarious."
Jasper laughed. "Oh, he found you did he?"
"Yeah, oh my God, he's the best. And he's GAY."
"Sure is."
Ethan grinned, his eyes sparkling. "I have a crush. Oh my God. He's SO HOT."
Jasper laughed, "He's super married, my man."
Ethan said, "That doesn't mean I can't dream, does it?" and he ducked back out the door. Jasper wondered how long he should let Ethan at Sirius unchecked.
Eh. Sirius can handle it, Jasper thought. He'll probably find it amusing.
Jasper looked at Toby. "Alright?"
Toby hesitated, then held up his hands as though they were two mouths, talking to one another... and transitioned it to an L that he dipped forward.
"Talk later."
Jasper smiled.
He repeated the motion.
"What's it mean? Talk later?" Oliver asked.
Jasper said, "Well... It was something my brothers and I would do. Sometimes stuff would be too hard to talk about, or we couldn't in front of Mum or Dad or the younger kids or something... It was like a code, I guess. It's just, like, we would, you know, talk later. Literally. But it was more than that, too. It was like..." Jasper thought how to word it. Then, "No matter what happens between you and someone you love... when you really, really love them... you always promise to talk later. You always promise that nothing that's said or done between you is really the end of the story."
Oliver said, "I really like that."
"Me too."
They sat on the boulders, the commotion of the World Cup still going on around them.
"I guess my point, Oliver, is that whatever happens, whether you call me Jasper or Dad or –"
"Or Dadsper," Oliver cut in with a laugh. When Jasper gave him a questioning look, Oliver said, "Something James said."
"I should've known it was either him or Sirius," Jasper laughed.
"Go on, though," Oliver said, "Whether I call you Jasper, Dad, or Dadsper...?"
Jasper said, "Whatever you call me, I love you, and I know there's going to be good times and bad times and maybe sometimes you wanna call me one thing and other times you wanna call me another, whatever it is. I just want you to know what through the ups and the downs, the ins and outs and whatever the hell happens... I promise you that we'll always, always –" and he did the sign again. "Talk later."
Oliver nodded and fumbled through imitating the sign, too. "Talk... later," he murmured, doing it.
Jasper did it again, slowly.
Oliver copied him.
It took a couple tries to get his fingers just right, but he did it, and Oliver smiled and looked up at Jasper, their eyes meeting. Oliver hesitated. He'd learned some letters and simple words from working with Dexter back at Hogwarts, for Sarah and Macy, and he ran through them in his head, trying to remember the motions. Then, when he was pretty sure he remembered them right, he cleared his throat and raised his hands up.
"Thanks D - A - D," he signed.