HANIA
"Hania?"
"Hmm"
"Do you trust me?" He asked,and he is looking at me asusual like he can read what I'm thinking.
He came to my room,i know he owns this place, but still having him here it's weird.
"I do" the words leave my mouth automatically, like they has to be.
"Good,then tell me what's bothering you..." He leaned back in my chair getting comfortable.
"I'm not leaving until you talk about it Hania, we've alots of time...." He rested his elbows on his knees.
I can lie easily, but I don't lie to anyone.
We sit here for about 10 minutes,both of us without muttering a word.
He leaves me no choice, rather than telling him.
"Did you have your lunch??"hania what's wrong with you...
He just nodded. I just hate him for this.....
After a few more minutes of silence,i started.
"I was in class 9th , when a boy crashed in my life claimed himself as my boyfriend... without my consent, started spreading rumours about me.... I was 13 at that time." I looked at him.
I know this all might sound normal, but not for the person who gone through this.....
There is no hint of judgement in him,he waited for me to continue.
"I go to school by a school bus me and my two other friends, I wanted all of us to sit in one place,so i decided to sit in the last seat.
I think after 5 days my friend saw a boy at bus stop and they exchanged there numbers through a common friend. They started a relationship."
I am taking time to process what I should i tell,i wish I can blurt out everything.
"After a few days,my another friend started dating,a boy who stands at the same bus stop. They were good in their relationships. And after a 2 weeks... I usually,sit at the window side..my friend's boyfriend friend was standing on the side of window.... where i usually sit,I don't know why he is standing there."
After a few minutes of silence, I'm taking time, because i never shared this with anyone.
"He said I like you can I've your number, Hamza clenched his jaw...,i rejected him immediately, because i never wanted a relationship."
"Due to their boyfriend's pressure,my friends tried to convince me alot...but I was firm on my decision."
The idea of committing myself to other person makes my skin Crawl...
"Basically I'm a private person,I want to live in solitude, I hate unnecessary drama, gossip, rumours and all."
"He used to stalk me everywhere, follow my every move.My life was a living hell, I don't like someone watching my every move it's just makes me uneasy.."
It is easy,than I thought to share with someone.
"Then one day we played truth or dare,my friends asked questions about, which I didn't mind to answer, they asked me if he is willing to marry me, I'll agree or not...,i said firstly i don't believe in this things,if my parents are ok with it ,I don't have any problem."
I can feel the intensity of Hamza's eyes on me
"He told my friends, that he is the person,who is going to marry me, he'll never let anyone get married to me....."
"He threatened me,that he'll kidnap me if my parents didn't agree..."
"How old is he at that time?" Hamza asked "18" .
"Bastard" Hamza cursed under his breath.
"It continued for 8 months,he used to follow me as a shadow, I was depressed thinking of everything, when we had an extra classes,I used cry with fear, because I've to wait alone till my parents pickup me from school."
He destroyed my whole school life in 8 months, I don't like him because,he can't respect my opinion.
"Obviously I was so young depressed and had an emotional imbalance,i started behaving werid,my parents were worried about me....."
"And they assumed that i was in a relationship,and started behaving little strict, but never stopped me from doing what I want."
I can't tell the last part with a emotional breakdown.
"He used to send letters through my friends,my friends teamed up with him. They use to tell me wear different colour dresses, to match them.... Typical teenage behaviour..but they don't wear that dress, they used to tell because, he and I could match outfits,to make me believe that we have similar taste."
"I just saw his face,for 2 times this whole time, but I always felt his presence." I just feel unprotected, unsafe whenever this happens
"He pulled a reverse card, started spreading rumours about me, about the things I can't even imagine, I'll ever do..... started making me insecure about myself...,body shaming me, commenting on how I dress."
A single tear, rolled down my cheek, Hamza came and sat beside me, I feel safe and secure in his presence.
The comfort I never felt with anyone...
"I was not strictly religious at that time,I used to just wear everything thing I like..."
"Long story short,both my friends broke up with their boyfriend's....,they blamed me for that telling that....I was the reason for there break up"
Another tear rolled down.
"Telling me.....If I've dated him,his friend's wouldn't have broke up with them. They called me names... Didn't talk to me for 8 months."
I still remember my friend from 3rd standard called me a jealous bitch after her breakup,
Now I can't even stop my tears..
"I always had a problem with making friends, I don't trust anyone easily.....
The people whom I'm friends with stoped talking to me,they were quite popular in class,so the whole class didn't talk to me for whole 8 months....."
I used to hate going to school at that time, I used to cry every morning about, Yes that same 3 year old hania who used to cry for not letting her go to school, cried about going to school.
"Except the teacher, no one used to talk to me.... they used to bully me, comment on my dressing, the way I walk,my height.... basically everything."
"I was so stubborn, that he finally gave up.. after making my life hell for 1.5 years..."
My parents supported me alot, during that time, without asking anything,I'm thankful to God for having them in my life.
"Why didn't Shazia help you??" Hamza asked.
"Around that time her father died,but we used to be not that close during that time...."
"To avoid everything,I just started reading books....now my whole life is about books."
"How do you even,sleep hania by hiding everything..."he questioned.
"Just like you... you ask about everyone, what about you??" I questioned back him.
"My story is for another time,it just fucked up like me..." He answered running his hand through his hair.
"I'm sorry,i didn't know, you are going through all this..." He is staring the wall in the front.
"The one person,who used to claim that he like me... destroyed my whole teenage, childhood friendships everything."
"I can't bear another person, doing that......,"
"I can understand Hania" he said
"Then why don't you have a relationship?" I asked,i know he just ignores it.
When Anvi used to ask him, everytime he denied to answer it.
"Guess what,he was the problem in your story, but I'm my own problem..." His voice is full of unknown emotions.
We spoke about different things,he checked all my plants,books.
I always felt anxious allowing someone in my space,but with Hamza I feel relaxed.
Anvita called me "I'm bringing sandwich,do you want me to bring something else??"
"Umm no, sandwich will be good." I answered, looking at Hamza,who is staring out of window.
"You can see us playing football from here.."he announced,i stand beside him.
His phone buzzed"i should leave it's late" i looked at the watch,it's 3:45pm.
It's almost 3 hours.
The door opened,Anvita stepped inside,"i didn't bring you anything Hamza ,Arsh ate your burger." She said sipping her coffee.
"Wait, Anvi you planned all this??" She avoided a eye contact,"She didn't know hania..." Hamza tried to defend her.
"Don't lie to me Hamza, can't believe 4 of you teamed against me..." It's fun to mess with Anvita.
Hamza left, because it's getting late for his practice.
After a lot of apologises i just started laughing at her.
Now she is the one angry at me, for teasing her.
My room smells like Hamza, in which I feel safe and secured.
I wish I could bottle up this...
I think all the events happened, today messed up my thinking.
Today is a rollercoaster of emotions.