James was a right fit. It was an upset beyond what Remus had ever seen him in, trembling as the mediwitches gave him a potion to calm his nerves, and still in a state even after the potion had been given time to take effect. They transported him to St. Mungo's to make sure he hadn't taken a knock to the head, although James repeatedly told them he hadn't.
"Must've done," muttered a mediwizard under his breath to a witch.
But Remus recognized what James was going through a bit too well. It was similar to what Sirius did when he was having his worst moments with Achlys.
"He saved at least ten people, Lily," Remus was saying as he followed her down the stairs to the floor James Potter was on. "He looked alright, I think it's mostly his nerves. He just kept on about not being enough and I tried to tell him he was plenty enough, the mediwitches on site called him a hero, even, and they gave him the potion and --"
They broke onto the fourth floor, passing by the Janus Thickey ward to the area where the magical mental illnesses wing was. Dorcas Meadows was listed on the wall as one of the doctors on staff there, though her name was marked as on leave, and the irony that they were at Mungo's for Dorcas and now in her ward was not wasted on Remus as he looked at her picture, smiling at him from the wall.
"I'm looking for James Potter, they've just brought him in," Lily said hurriedly to the witch at the desk at the front of the ward.
"Your relation?" she asked boredly.
"I'm his wife. Lily Potter," she said.
"Do you have identification?"
Lily sighed, frustrated, upset that her panic was not being appreciated, and dug in her pocket - she hadn't even been questioned this much when she'd gone into the actual delivery room with Dorcas Meadows and her nerves were jangled with this delay in getting to James. "Here," she said, jetting her arm out with her identification card. "Now where is MY HUSBAND?"
"Just down the hall here. Your friend will need to wait here, we're only allowing family --"
Her face reddened as her temper flared. "Remus IS family," she snapped, "Now mind your bloody business and take me to my husband."
The witch's face twisted with annoyance, but she stood up and led Lily down the corridor, past a load of rooms with closed doors and blocked-off observation windows, charts hanging on the door next to symbols and runes that seemed to have Remus tense as he read over them as they passed by.
They came to a door and the witch paused outside, drawing a key from her pocket and undoing several locks along the door's edge, whispering an incantation that Lily could barely hear. Remus stared at the symbol on the door and he frowned, then followed Lily into the room as the mediwitch stepped out of their way.
"I'M BLOODY FINE," James's voice came from inside, "Get your damned hands off me, for Merlin's sake!"
Lily stepped inside quickly, "James!"
"Evans?" he looked up. He was sitting up in the bed, a wizard attempting to keep him down, one hand actually latched onto the guard rail on the far side of the bed by an incarcerous charm. "Evans!" his face lit when he saw her, "Oh thank God."
She ran over and hugged him and he hugged her as well as he could with one arm tied to the bed.
Remus knew it wasn't the time for it, but he also knew that would not have stopped Sirius Black from having an absolute field day with the innuendos, either. Bloody hell, what has that dog done to me? Remus wondered.
Lily looked him over, "What have you been doing? Look at you! You're filthy, your uniform is all torn up... I - what happened?"
"Giant attack in Ireland," James answered gravely.
"Yes, I heard about that part," Lily said, and she ran her thumb over his cheek to find that part of what she'd thought was dust was actually a bruise and he winced. "I meant what have you been doing?"
He stared at her, his brown eyes welling.
"James... honey..." she whispered, and she cupped her hands 'round his cheeks and his free hand went up to cover hers, holding them there, his eyes closing.
"He needs to be laying down, miss," the mediwizard said gently. "He's taken a knock to the head at some point and - he seems to be having some memory troubles of some sort - anxiety -"
"Memory?" she asked. She looked at James.
"I didn't take a knock to the head," James argued.
She looked him over, "Well, honey, you do look like you might've done, you're bruised."
"I was moving rubble, I was just moving it aside and trying at helping people, but I only got like seven people before I passed out and --"
"Seven people?" the mediwizard said, "There were at least twenty."
James looked at him, then back to Lily. "I - I didn't, I didn't do enough --"
"Come, James, let's lie down." Lily glanced at the small little bed, then over at Remus. "Could you extend that up please, Rey?" she asked.
"Extend --?" the mediwizard chirped as Remus pulled his wand, and with a flick, first he'd undone the restraint on James's wrist.
"He has to stay laying down," the mediwizard said, disapproving of the restraint being taken away. "He wouldn't stay down and --"
"He will stay with me," Lily answered firmly. "Won't you lie down with me, James, if I am?"
"Yeah," he answered weakly.
"He'll stay laying down." Lily reaffirmed to the doctor.
Then with a swoop of Remus's wand the bed stretched a bit so as Lily guided James back onto it, there was enough room for her to climb on, too. She lay down beside him, both their heads on the same pillow, and she slid her hands up against his cheeks again, cupping them and he resumed covering her hands with his - both this time, now that his other was free.
"Thank you Remus," Lily said.
Remus answered, "Of course." He paused, "I'm going to dash home and let Sirius know what's going on. I'll be back. Need anything?"
"His Gryffindor jumper," Lily said, "The mirrors so he can take to Sirius. He has a spare pair of glasses in the night stand on his side of our bed, I think the mirror is there, too. Also there's a book on my side of the bed, it's got a reddish cover. Could you bring that as well?"
"Yeah, no problem."
"Oh and there's a lunch sack in our fridge, bring that, too."
"Okay." Remus nodded, and he dashed out.
Lily's eyes never left James's through all these commands, she just stared into his eyes, and he stared right back.
The wizard's voice came from behind Lily. "There were at least twenty people at Dunlewey Proper that I personally saw who said they were trapped in their houses and James got them out. He was pulled out of the wreck of the last one by Harry Underhill who saw him go in. He was struck by a falling beam as the house collapsed and his shield charm gave out. Underhill testified himself... We're waiting on a potion to help restore him up, but it takes time to brew and --"
James stared into her eyes, she could see in the way his searched hers that he didn't recall any of what the doctor was saying. It was the same searching look he gave her in Edinbugh that time, just after they'd seen their son, and Mopsus had cleared his mind of the memory he could not bear to carry.
"I've got it, doctor, I'll take care of him."
"Don't let him go to sleep until we've gotten the potion to him."
"I won't," she whispered.
The mediwizard hesitated, then left the room quietly.
Lily looked into James's eyes. "I love you."
He looked scared, and Lily funnily enough recognized the look not because it was one she had seen James make but because it was the one their son had made during those precious seconds. Boyish fear, something James had never let her see in him before, and it occurred to her how many times they'd been in danger, how many times she ought to have seen it on his face, but that he had put up his face of bravery... that he'd done that, all those times, for her.
"I didn't do all they're saying, I -- I passed out, I blacked out, I let them all down, I was too weak. I -"
"James, shh." Lily whispered. "I can smell the fumes and fight on you James... I can see it on your face and feel it in your touch... You did save them, James. You did... You're not weak. And you've let no one down."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. What are you even sorry for?"
"Making you have to come all the way to London - to Mungo's - because I'm injured and - oh gods. Is mum here too? Is she having a fit? Where is she?"
"She's at home, honey. I was already here. Dorcas Meadows had the baby! And Gideon made it in time! She's so precious, James."
"Yeah?" he whispered, his voice tremulous.
"Yes!" Lily's arms could still feel the little bundle, and her voice danced as she said, "Oh James, she's so perfect.. they're such a precious family. I couldn't hardly breathe, James. Oh and they even let me hold her!"
Something about this made James's face crumple.
"James? what - what's the matter?" Lily gasped at the sheer agony that crossed his face then. "James -"
"There was a woman with a baby - and -." He choked on his words. "I tried, I wanted to - but I couldn't - I couldn't..."
"Oh James."
"I don't know what happened, I just remember - I remember her. I remember her."
"I'm sure you did everything you could, James, I know you, and I know you wouldn't do anyting less."
"I thought it was you."
"It wasn't me, honey. I was here."
"It looked like you. She looked like you, from behind, she looked just like you. I - I couldn't save them."
Remus stood in the kitchen at the Potter Cottage in Godric's Hollow. "Mrs. P, really, I need to get back --"
"It'll only take a moment more, love," Dora replied. She was hurriedly making up bacon sandwiches, wrapping them in paper and sealing them with little wax hearts she produced with her wand. "Nearly ready!"
Remus sighed and double checked he had everything else Lily had requested in the bag he held, James's glasses in his sweater pocket for safer keeping. "How about I go and get Sirius and then I'll come back and get the --"
"Here they are! Here they are!" she said, flurrying to put the fresh sandwiches in a paper lunch sack like the one from the fridge. "Fresh. He deserves fresh!" she clutched the bag and waved her wand, "Accio shawl!" Her crocheted cream-colored shawl flew from the living room couch and she wrapped it around her shoulders. "Alright, I'm ready!"
Remus nodded, "Alright, then."
They took the floo to the flat in East London, Dora Potter clutching the sack of bacon sandwiches, cheese-flavored crisps, and bottles of pumpkin juice, and Remus holding the bag with the cardigan, book, and mirror.
Sirius was nervously pacing around the living room when they got to the flat, Bradley laying across the couch with a stack of comics on his chest, a load of plastic army men on the table, scattered about with crayons and sheets of paper. The suitcase was closed, Sirius's record player on top of it as though to hold down the lid, the turntable spinning Queen.
"Has she had it? Has she had it?!" Sirius bounded over the moment the floo lit up.
"Yes Dorcas had the baby, but Sirius - and don't freak out because everything's alright, but - James is at the hospital now, too, there was a --"
"WHAT?" Sirius stopped short, face pale and then the floo lit and Dora came through and his face paled even more, eyes wide. "No, what's happened? Move, out of my way - fuck the house arrest, fuck the Ministry, I'm going to see Prongs and nothing's going to bloody stop me from doing it, I swear to Merlin if you even try --"
"SIRIUS!" Remus shouted, slapping the jar of floo powder out of his hand and waving his wand to catch it before it could smash. "Calm down. Now." Remus held the bottle of floo powder behind his back as Sirius tried to grab at it, then held it well above his head and aimed his wand at Sirius's chest.
"Sirius!" Dora's voice rang loud and clear over the drama and she flicked her wand to shut off the record player, the lid of the turn table closing with a snap that made Sirius jump in surprise. "You are not breaking your arrest, you will not put anymore stress on me, your mother, than you already have, do you understand?" He looked at her, abashed, and flushed as she continued, "I am worried enough about your trial and about James being in Mungo's, I don't need to add you breaking your Ministry mandate on top of it. You will sit your bum down in that chair right this instant!"
Sirius sat down.
Bradley spoke up in a whisper, looking over his comic book with wide eyes, "Yikes."
Mrs. Potter looked at him. "Oh hello Bradley, dear, I haven't seen you since you were very small."
He looked at her in surprise.
Remus lowered the arm with the floo powder and took a deep breath. "Now, what I was going to say is that I have the two-way mirror from James's - and he'll be wanting to talk to you, so go and get yours and have it on you and you can talk to him when I get there."
"What's happened?" Sirius demanded.
"There was a giant attack in Ireland and the Ministry responded. He took a knock to the head and they're working up a portion for a concussion. That's all I know. Lily is with him now, she went to him right after Dorcas Meadows had the baby. Gideon's with Dorcas, before you ask, and yes, the baby is healthy and everything is good."
Sirius drew a deep breath. "You're SURE Prongs is alright?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
"You're positive?"
"Sirius, how many ways can I tell you I'm sure, my love?"
"Not enough ways to make me any less nervous. I hate this, I hate this, I wanna go there and make sure and have my hands on him to be sure he's alright. Gods, I knew I felt Lily stressing. I knew I did. She's been so worried, then she was in so much pain and then there was a little peace and then just - she's so worried. Are you SURE he's alright? She's really fuckin' stressed right now."
Remus nodded, "She would be, she's worried just like you are. But the mediwizard said he is alright. I'll come back right after I've delivered these things."
Sirius nodded, then he got up and went over and hugged Dora tightly. "I'm sorry that I upset you, mum, I really am sorry."
She held his face and kissed his forehead softly. "I get upset because I care for you. Remember that."
"Yes mum."
"Alright, let's go, I'll be right back," Remus promised Sirius. He looked at Bradley, "Don't let him get into too much trouble while I'm gone."
Bradley snorted. "Like I can control him. I've been here two days and know that's impossible."