JENNIE
She stood up and got out of the room.
I just cried on bed, letting all out. All the guilt, the shame, the unanswered questions in my head, and the fact that I am hurting Lisa again. The doubt if I really did something wrong and the memory of my mistakes in the past that led Lisa to think that I am cheating on her consumed me.
I was too much. I was the toxic one in the relationship before. But never I dared cheating on her. Never.
I am trying to process what had just happened in my head. I am scared that she will totally leave me now.
I was lying flat on bed, wiping my tears as I heard the door knob clicked.
She came back right away.
My heart raced. I'm afraid that she'll tell me we're done.
What's done, Jennie? You and Lisa haven't yet started something really officially again.
She lay down beside me. Brushed her nose on my neck up to my face. I turned to look at her in the eyes and held her jaw. She held me closer and our bodies didn't know distance anymore.
"I am sorry. I shouldn't have raised ny voice. I should've comforted you because of what happened at the restaurant. I'm sorry for hurting you, Jennie. I'm really sorry for disrespecting you a while ago."
The Lisa that she is. The ideal one.
I embraced her more and kissed her lips. She didn't stop apologizing.
"Enough. You have the right to get mad, my love. I am sorry too for raising my voice and not controlling my temper before. Maybe I deserve what happened to us earlier because of what I did in the past." I said while wiping my tears.
"No. You don't deserve what happened there. I am sorry you had to experience that. I am sorry if I also didn't show you goodness tonight. I regret speaking bad towards you." She kissed my forehead. She grips my dress at the back like she doesn't want me to go somewhere.
"I'm okay now that you are here by my side. How can I make you feel fine? How can I let that worry vanish? Lisa, I will never cheat on you. And I am trying my best right now to win back your trust and your heart. I believe I have been showing you that I am way better than before." I said.
"Yes. I can feel that. I see everything and I am so proud of you that you are better now especially for yourself. Let me take you out to dinner as what we originally planned tonight. Do you still want to go out or just stay here at home?" She asked.
"Let's just stay here. Let's prepare our food downstairs." But we didn't lead our way down to the kitchen right away.
I showered her with my love through my kisses and affirmation.
Weeks passed and we're back to normal again.
That night, I was supposed to ask her about our status. We don't even have a label.
But I am so afraid to open it up to her when we're together. What if I'll lose her after that question? Or what if her answers will break me into pieces?
"So, you never asked her? Why are you settling on this, Jennie? What's the purpose of you and Lisa living together?" Rosé asked.
She invited me to have a wine night with her. I don't drink anymore. I have my juice and steak tonight.
"I love her, Rosé." I simply said.
"And that's why less is okay with you? Ugh! Where's that Jennie Kim who gets what she wants before? Well, Lisa is all you ever wanted and I guess this is it." She said.
"I can't leave her. I am still hoping that we'll start all over again. I mean, as lovers." I told her.
Rosé just stared at me for a while. By reading her eyes, it tells me that she has something inportant to say.
"Uhm. Jen." Rosé is too bothered.
I looked at her that says to continue speaking.
"Jen, I- I really do not know how to start but you have to be aware about this."
That made me nervous.
"Is Lisa dating someone?"
I immediately stared at Rosé after drinking water.
"I saw her having dinner with a high class woman last night. She saw me too and waved at me. She looked unbothered that I caught her with someone else. So yeah, I'm not sure if it's a date or just a business meeting for her cars. But the eyes of that lady showed something intimate for your ex." Rosé told me.
And my heart skipped a bit. My brain froze. I am tempted to message her right away about this but I suddenly thought that it might scare her.
I composed myself and put my phone back in my bag.
"I don't know. She never mentioned having a meeting with someone yesterday.
But if ever she would really open herself on dating someone, as long as she is happy, then I'll let her be."
But my heart is aching right now.
Rosé stood up and went near to hug me.
"I'm just here whenever you need someone to talk to." She assured our friendship.
"Thank you, Rosé. Thank you for being there for me always. And thank you for telling me what you saw." I said.
After an hour, Lisa is calling. I forgot that she messaged earlier to pick me up at ten.
Now that we're in the car, should I ask her about what Rosé told me?
Wait. I'm waiting for the right timing.
"They're showing A Walk To Remember again tonight at ten at the drive-in cinema. Let's go watch or go home?" She asked while smiling at me.
Oh god. Your killer smile and stare have always been putting me to death, Lisa.
Those beautiful eyes that made me forget of what I learned earlier from my friend.
We ended up watching the film and I can't count how many times we did this already.
Lisa took the picnic cloth from the compartment, lay it on the ground and assited me to sit comfortably because I'm wearing heels.
Some people who passed by asked for a photo with me. I granted their desire.
I am surprised that Lisa placed some food and drinks on the picnic cloth.
"Wow! So you really prepared for this?" I asked her with my widest smile.
"Yes. Because I know you'll love it." She said and sat down beside me. She let my shoulder lean on her chest as we watch the film. She kept giving me a peck on my cheek.
"People can't forget about you. They are still adoring you, my gorgeous!" She said.
"It's so unusual that I don't feel bad about it anymore. And look at us, we are openly dating here in a drive-in cinema." I said.
"Without being bothered of them all." She added and we both laughed.
I suddenly realized that today is the day we got married years ago. And I also realized that she has been bringing me here on the same day every year since we lived together again.
She's simply making my heart happy!
After the film, we transferred inside the car and let everyone leave the place first.
Here she goes again with her Sun Rai playlist that I love!
We didn't talk. We're just listening to music. She closed her eyes feeling the beat.
I am waiting for the right timing to ask her about that lady she was with.
But when I'm about to speak again, she touched my thigh and my breath was taken right away.
Oh god Lisa!
Her touch became my tranquilizer after watching an aching film.
She didn't stop. She's making me feel so alive through her skin dipping to mine.
And she didn't wait any longer. Lisa moved near and kissed me.
A soft kiss but with her drive to make it deeper. Deeper and sexier that will capture my soul anytime soon.
And I was captured. She pulled me to sit on her lap while she tapped the button on the side to adjust her seat backwards.
"You really designed that one smartly, huh?" I asked and we both chuckled.
"Because I was thinking about you, this, we're doing this while I was bulding this car. There's even enough legroom space for us to make love." She said back while locking my lips and suddenly her tongue entered my mouth.
And here she is again, roaming her hand on my thigh. I couldn't stop telling her how much I love her. The intensity of my heart made her do it more. She felt how much I want her now.
I clamped her hair behind as her hand got in my underwear.
I licked my lower lip the moment I knew her finger is already inside me.
I'm catching my breath but my moans took over. And I found myself humping on her. I even took her other hand and placed it on my breast. And there she knew what to do more. She knows me really well.
It intially went really wild and I still wanted her so bad.
I love licking and sucking her finger on the other hand while she brings me to somewhere I have been missing for so long. No one can ever beat this compatibility we have. And my love for her overpowers the fire of sex. I just love her and that's more than anything.
"H-how about you? Let's take off your pants." I initiated while catching my breath.
She didn't speak a word but rubbed me more until I am losing myself. I wrapped my arm around her neck and leaned closer to her.
Because I am near.
And I'm shaking for so long the moment I lose it.
She didn't stop kissing me. I didn't stop looking at those beautiful eyes.
"I love you." I expressed when I calmed down.