JENNIE
For five days now that I am already out of rehab, I feel so human! I feel so happy that I get to take care of Lisa and Aki now. Lisa and I have been so busy with my requirements for film shool. She even accompanied me and paid for my enrolment fees. She bought everything I need from cameras and a lot more. We did a lot of errands together and purchased some things for our house, she did let me choose.
She also transferred a huge amount of money to my account when we visited the bank the other day. She said it's for my allowances and everything I need at home and school. She never failed to support Aki. We enrolled him in swimming and art class. He also wanted to learn fencing but Lisa did not agree about that yet since he is still so young. Our son has seen a lot on the internet and came up with his interest on that kind of sport.
How am I?
I know you might be wondering.
Well, I can say that somehow, I have changed. I am still learning to deal with my thoughts. Graduating from the rehab doesn't mean I am totally healed. I still have to help myself each day and let the situation tell if I'm all good.
All I want now is to be the best mother to Aki. And the partner Lisa deserves.
Hmmm. Maybe I am just daydreaming. Maybe I am just hopeful that eventually we'll be together again romantically. For good.
I know our actions confuse people, but we just let ourselves act naturally. Like we just trust what our body and mind tell us to do whenever we're together.
What I love the most about Lisa is how much she respects me in every way. But I know that she is still hesitant to commit to me again.
But I won't give up. As long as she wants me in her life, I'll stay.
I did not treat her right before. And what I know now is how to make her feel that I am willing to wait for her and let her take all the time she needs. Who am I to insist what I want when all I did was hurt her?
The guilt is still there. But Lisa knows how to really handle our situation. Sometimes, it makes me think of asking her for another chance. But my brain rules my tongue not to. I don't want to lose her.
I admit, I am afraid of waking up each day and hearing from her that we're just living in one house now and she's treating me like I am still her wife just for Aki. That would hurt me. I also do not want her to force herself and ignore the happiness she deserves.
"Are you ready?" I heard her from the door while I am almost done with my makeup.
"Yes." I said and stood up.
She was dumbfounded looking at me from head to toe. And she's very much of a dapper too tonight! Wow!
"Jen, I guess you will always be the most beautiful girl in my eyes ." She said while walking on her way to me.
"I want to kiss you right now." That's all I said. Oh god! I was too honest. I couldn't control my feelings towards her. She really looks so good right now!
And all I felt is her nose brushing on my cheek. The tip's heading to the side of my lips.
"You always smell so good. I have been trying hard to resist. You're tempting me." She whispers and I could feel the air on my lips from her mouth.
"No one's stopping you. We can either go now to your event or just lay here and make love. Choose." I said.
We've been too flirty. Touching each other here and there. Swear to god we are trying our best to fight the urge.
And I felt her hand inside my dress– on my inner thigh. Her fingers are too playful going up slowly.
I kissed her.
She's planning on ruining my lipstick. Her breath could tell the intensity she is feeling right now.
But her phone rang.
We arrived at the event. But before going out of the car, I noticed that she is worried.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Yes. I am just worried about you. Are you ok with this?" She asked while pointing on the group of media people waiting for our arrival at the entrance.
"Hey. This is your event, your shining moment, my love. Stop worrying about me." I said as I rub her jaw.
"I just don't want them to trigger you." She is really bothered.
"Lisa, the world is waiting for this. People are waiting for your masterpiece to be introduced and so they can purchase it as soon as possible. This is not about me. Let's go!" I am trying to inject positive thoughts on her.
"But Jen-. Jen, I don't want you to have that feeling again of suffocation. Look at the cameras and flash. Imagine their noisy questions as soon as we take a step. Are you ready for the questions?" She is nervous.
"I am ready." I told her and smiled.
"Jen, they would ask us again about our relationship just like before." Lisa's eyes are teary.
"Don't you remember that I have already told the world about us? What's to hide? In fact, I am so excited to face them right now. Just if you don't feel bad about it." Suddenly, I thought that she might feel ashamed that I am with her and that she's with her problematic ex-wife.
"No, Jen. It's not like that. You weren't problematic. You're a victim of fame. I even want to hold your hand so tight in every step. Again, I don't want you to feel things you no longer want to welcome in your heart and mind." Wow! Lisa, always a green flag. How stupid I was for letting this human slip away from me?
"Let's trust the universe tonight." And I kissed her after I said that.
There I saw her smile. The smile I want to see everyday.
And for some reason that we do not fully understand, the universe was really with us. We were too happy in each other's side when we posed for the cameras before entering the venue.
We're also expressing ourselves so right to the press people with their questions. We answered them with honest words. I was also asked about my rehab experience. Lisa tried to stop them but I held her hand tighter and told her that it's fine. I was surprised that it didn't feel awkward to me. I responded in a classy way and well-thought-out.
Lisa and I surprisingly posed for the cameras.
Like a couple, never letting go of our hold.
"So, the divorce was not really true. Jennie, was that only a press release just to stop the issues showered upon you?"
But when we're asked about this, Lisa really knew how to handle me.
She held my waist tighter and we went our way to the venue.
"If you can't take it anymore, just tell me. Let's get out of here and just drive away." She whispered while we're walking.
The event has a futuristic theme and it's mind-blowing! What a psychedelic good kind of art this place has right now. Really matches with the cars she is about to launch!
"No. I am so excited for you to introduce your cars. I've been waiting for this! I am so proud of you!" My assurance.
"After presenting the cars, please tell me which one you like and what color. I'll let the company send us another one for you tomorrow." She said.
"No. You don't have to do that. I'm okay riding a cab to school." I said and gave her a smile.
"No. Jennie Kim deserves the best. See, peaople are already looking at you. Starstruck!" She smiled at me. But I missed having her last name. I really miss you being my better half, Lisa.
We reached the grand table and Lisa introduced me to some businessmen. I am happy to know them and I am a bit shy because they're asking to have a photo with me.
"Are you really ok with this?" Lisa is worried again.
"Yes. Don't worry. I think I know how to handle this now. But I will no longer go back to fame and be on the limelight again. I'd rather bring myself behind the camera." I hope this pacifies Lisa.
"I'm excited on the first film you'll do someday!" She whispered.
But we're suddenly cut by two men.
"Lisa! You are dashing!" It's Mr. Anderson. He gave me a hug after tapping Lisa's shoulder.
"Wow! Lisa was right all this time. There was never a day she doesn't talk about you when we're together. All eyes are fascinated with this beauty. Nice to see you in person, Ms. Jennie. I am William Ford."
I can't believe I am shaking hands with the Mr. Ford himself.
"I was about to get you as an endorser of Ford way back. But you suddenly took your way out of fame. I'm really happy for you, Jennie." He said.
"Well, if you're thinking of getting me to endorse the first line of Skycraper, I think, you don't have to anymore and it's not needed. Lisa's creation doesn't even need celebrities to sell. She creates masterpiece!" I am sorry. I am just so proud of Lisa.
"Well said. You and Aki are really her inspiration in every thing she does. When we we're on the process of building these two cars, she kept on considering what you may feel or say about it." He whispered to me while Lisa and Mr. Daniel are so busy talking about the farm.
The host started to welcome everyone. Then an audio-visual presentation of the car was shown. So elegant! I can't stop feeling so proud of her. It was just her drawings, and now, she's serving the smartest car the world needs.
Everyone applauded and sounded too excited to listen to her. The host gave her the mic.
We all listened to her. Everyone is amazed on how she explains.
I have been with her for so long but I suddenly wondered if this confidence was already with her all along or I just chose what to see. Maybe I was too superior before and never thought that Lisa would have this kind of strong appeal. Maybe because I neglected her strengths. I was bossy.
Now, it's time for her to introduce the cars. Everyone is nervous, excited and happy! The holographic image of the car is already bringing us to the other dimension.
And there was a moment of silence when the two physical cars finally transitioned from the hologram!
She is really smart! She told me yesterday that the whole concept of the event came from her.
The purchasing head of Skyscraper took the microphone and announced that in just five minutes since it's live presentation online all over the world, the limited number of cars announced is already sold out by reservation!
"Wow! Lisa, you are a master!" The William Ford is the happiest.
Lisa is smiling and just maintained her humble stature.
Everyone is going crazy inside the venue. We already decided to eat. People from magazines and press have been so hungry to have an interview with her again.
They are also trying to get my thoughts about the cars. I welcomed them and gave a statement.
After the long engagement with different kinds of people, Lisa grabbed my hand and we escaped.
We just spent what's left for the night under the Sycamore tree where we used to have our date.
"What are you feeling?" I asked her.
She let my back lean on her chest while we gaze at stars. Her hug is as tight as a rubber band strangled on my wrist.
"I may not be talking too much about this before when I married you, but this is my dream for you and our family, Jennie. Yes, I'm ambitious. But I want this kind of abundance for you and Aki. And one most important goal I have been dreaming of, is for you to be proud of me." Her voice is a bit shaky. She's crying.
"I am so proud of you, Lisa. So so so happy that you finally have a good life for yourself. It's not important if I'm proud of you or not. What's fulfilling is when you're happy with your own achievements. You deserve this. You're a good person. We can't stop the universe if it wants to give you more.
Your Mom and Dad are surely proud of you wherever they are. As proud as Aki and I! We love you!"
And she shed more tears
Tears of mixing joy and gratitude.