I smile as I exchange my books in my locker. I just can't stop smiling.
Last night went amazing, I couldn't have asked for anything else. I even got a little corner-mouth kiss.
Oh jeez, I am so in love with this girl. She's driving me mad.
I shut my locker and turn around to see Lavender walking to hers on the other side of the hallway.
I notice her open it and grab her math book. I walk up to her and poke her arm. "Hey, happy Halloween."
She sighs. "Hi," she dryly states, with no emotion in her voice at all.
"Are you okay?"
"Mhm."
"Okay. Can you tell me what happened please?"
She slams her locker door shut. "Why should I? It's not like you told me."
I knit my face together in confusion as I stare at her.
The bell rings and she rolls her eyes at me before giving up and walking to class.
What did I not tell—
Oh.
Oh shit.
Damn it! I knew it would circle back around soon.
I groan and walk to calculus class.
Walking into the room, Lavender stares at her lap to avoid eye contact with me. I take my seat behind her and my leg bounces under the desk.
I hate having her mad at me.
Mrs. Stan teaches her lesson but I can hardly focus. Every soft sigh, brush of her hair, and movement is catching my eye, just wishing she would turn around.
I hear her groan in annoyance before tapping the kid in the desk next to her. The same damn kid as last time.
"Sorry, do you have a sharpener by chance?"
"I'm sorry, no. I have another pencil though." The kid reaches into his backpack and pulls out a mechanical pencil.
I try to ignore them as I shake my head to myself. My jaw subconsciously clenches.
Lavender hates mechanical pencils. She gets frustrated because she writes hard and the lead always breaks. I know that because she threw one at my head before.
"Oh, no thank you."
She looks back at her paper and the guy she just talked to looks very confused.
I grab my sharpener out of my backpack and toss it on her desk.
I don't care if she's mad at me, I will be there for her hand and foot. Always.
She hesitantly takes it. Without looking at me, Lav sharpens her purple wooden pencil and throws it back behind her. I catch it and laugh under my breath.
The rest of the hour passes and the bell rings. Lavender rushes out so I can't talk to her. I groan and catch up at her locker.
"Lavender."
"Can't talk. No time," she mumbles.
"Then listen."
I take a deep breath as I stare at her, looking for any type of emotion. "I'm sorry for lying to you, Lavender. I thought you would be embarrassed so I didn't tell you. I'm seeing now that I should've just told you the first time you asked. You trusted me and I betrayed that. I am sorry."
Lav buries her head into her locker and she lets out a shaky exhale. "I gotta go," she whispers as she shuts her locker.
I run a hand through my hair and shake my head. I am so stressed and upset at myself.
I head to my science class and sit in my seat. I lean back and my leg starts to shake again.
"Hey, happy Halloween!" Lynn takes her spot next to me and grins.
"Hi," I grumble.
"Okay," she states. "How was your weekend?"
I sigh and sit up in my seat. "Fine- good. It was good."
"Good." She pats my shoulder.
How is Lynn so happy all the time? We will never know.
A moment of silence passes before she scoffs. "Mine was good too, thank you for asking," she teases.
"I'm sorry, Lynn. I just have a lot on my mind right now."
"I can help."
"No." I shake my head but hesitantly look back over at her. "Actually— if you screwed up, like bad, what would be a good apology?"
"How bad? Like you killed their family bad or left them on delivered while you were actively on your phone bad?"
I give her a blank stare. "Uh— lying bad?"
"Oh. Well, I'm terrible at apologies. I usually just buy them something." Lynn shrugs but her eyes go wide soon after. "Oh. Oh no, that's actually really bad."
I raise my eyebrows and nod.
"Um, you can just ask Harper though. She's her best friend after all."
"What?"
"This is about Lavender, is it not?"
I roll my eyes right on cue as the bell rings.
How many people could possibly know?
———
English comes around and it's time to turn in our essays. I grab the stapled printed pieces of paper out of my folder and turn them into the basket.
My leg shakes under the seat after I return to my desk. Mr. Johnson explains that we will write a book report on the next three chapters of the class book we're reading right now, 'The Catcher in the Rye'.
I've already read the book about twenty times, and that's not exaggerating.
I zone out as my mind focuses on Elijah. It was very sweet of him to apologize.
I've never gotten an apology before. I don't know how to react or how to accept it. Is there a rule to this? Like how long am I supposed to wait before I accept?
I'm not mad that he didn't tell me. I'm mad that he lied, more than once. I despise liars. I've been lied to my whole life, I just thought he might've been different.
Sure, it's his first time lying but how do I know it won't happen again? It was a constant pattern in my household.
My Mom didn't— doesn't hug me. I don't think she likes me. And my Dad was angry on the days he wasn't sad.
Now, my entire life is consumed by it.
I am consumed by it.
I just want to know what to do.
-
Inside Mr. Morgan's classroom, I sketch a little airplane on the paper he passed out. I think we're supposed to write out why 'World War I' happened in just one single paragraph.
I can write it out in one word.
Men.
Speaking of, I am so stuck on how I cried in front of Elijah. Who does that? Why did I do that?
And he has the audacity not to tell me? What?
Now I'm mad again.
But I mean he did say he didn't want me to feel embarrassed. And I am embarrassed. I probably wouldn't have spoken to him ever again or went out with him yesterday.
Okay, I guess I will forgive him.
Forgive, not forget.
Just not yet because I have a reputation to maintain. If I forgive him too fast, he'll think every time he screws up it'll all be just fine. So I'll let him live with the consequences for a while. Maybe until trick-or-treating.
I get around to finishing the assignment and go to turn it in. I walk back to my seat but bump into a body. Looking up, Elijah's examining me.
My eyes slowly drift down to his neck. Seeing a purple area, I furrow my brows. I narrow my eyes before scoffing in disbelief.
Walking back to my desk, I nudge his shoulder, not caring to apologize.
That better be a bruise and not a damn hickey. How did he even get that? I was with him all day yesterday. Unless when he dropped me off, he called up another girl.
No. He. Didn't.
The bell rings and I throw my bag over my shoulder as I drag Harper out of the classroom.
I yank her over by her locker since it's closer. "What?" she ushers in a panic.
"Did you see Elijah?"
"Yes? He sat right behind me."
"Okay but did you see his neck?"
A disgusted look clouds her features as she slowly unlocks her locker. "Um— no? Am I supposed to? Are you okay?"
"I think he has a hickey."
"Really? Good for him." She nods.
"No, Harper."
"I don't understand. Is it from you?" she asks.
"No—"
"Ohh, that's the problem, isn't it? You wanted it to be from you. Está bien."
Stupid butterflies erupt in my lower stomach at the thought.
"No! I'm just saying he could have a little self-respect and not prance around the school with it."
"Actually—" another voice inputs the conversation as an arm wraps around my shoulders—"Giselle was up this morning getting into my mom's makeup, some must've rubbed off on me as she was giving me a hug."
I refuse to look at him, instead, I look at Harper's whose stupid beautiful face is looking up at Elijah with a very sly smile. I feel his thumb caress my shoulder as he moves it up and down and in my mind, I threaten to punch him.
But in reality, I literally have to fight the urge to not relax into his touch.
I shrug his arm off my shoulders and subtly watch him as he wipes his neck. And just as he said, purple eyeshadow appears on his uniform blazer.
Elijah bends down to my height to talk in my ear. "It's good to know you care though," he murmurs.
He squeezes my arm before nodding to Harper. She nods back and Elijah walks away.
"I'm going to kill you. We're fighting." I point my finger in her face.
"What did I do?" Harper smiles amusingly.
I groan as I throw my head back. I ignore her and start walking to science class.
Taking my seat, Harper continues to bug me. "Why did you care anyways? You like him," she sings.
"No, I do not! I was hanging out with him all day yesterday so I was just confused how he got one, that's all."
She hums in approval. I look over at her and she's smiling at the desk like crazy.
"Stop smiling like that, I can still punch you in the nose for kissing Lynn. That's been a deal since seventh grade. No getting back with exes."
"She's not my ex! You kissed Theo, does that mean you guys are dating now?"
"No! I—"
"Ladies, settle down, please. The class has started," the teacher interrupts.
I sigh and look up at the board to see what we're doing.
Twenty minutes later, I continue to research the random science topic she gave me.
"I bet Elijah gives you a loner," Harper whispers to herself, but I know she's talking to me.
"Excuse me?"
A loner. A lady boner. Something Harper made up with she had her first kiss in middle school.
"I'm going to steal all your candy tonight," I tell her, making her gasp.
Later, everyone finishes their research so the teacher puts on a Halloween movie since it's the last class of the day.
"What if I change my costume and go as Bob Ross?" Harper speaks.
"Aw, I love Bob Ross! I might change mine too, that corset was not fun."
A loud laugh echoes across the classroom and I slowly look over and see Emily freaking Pike. I tend to forget she's in this class.
My head turns back to Harper who's pursing her lips. We make eye contact and raise our eyebrows in agreement.
We both know what we're thinking.
***