Songs for the chapter: Lana del Rey- Dark paradise
Aminata-Love injected
***
The next thing I know is that I have the gun in my hand and am aiming it at his chest, while I'm on my knees on the bed having no idea when or how I got myself in this situation. It's like a blurry memory as I quickly grabbed the gun, when it just happened a few seconds ago.
I'm very aware that I won't ever do it but right now I'm feeling too distracted with all the physical and emotional pain I've been through. Getting abducted, every other time he hurted me, the near death experience, helping him with that chip to have him be so cruel to me when I already felt rueful, to then humiliate me with the most intimate experience I've had with a man..
As I'm hovering above him pointing the gun at his heart, I stay put eyeing him for a few minutes. In his vulnerable state, hair disheveled, calmly sleeping, he doesn't look like someone who could hurt you, quite the opposite he looked soft and cuddly since he sleeps in the same position he first laid down.
He is so confusing, his touch can make me feel various things and put me in a haze where I don't think but as a person I can't stand him. He did just tossed at me what has happened between us in the most coward way just to humiliate me.. Yet I can't do it. I'm not him.
'What am I doing?'
I yelp when a sudden move of his hand grabs the gun, since I zoned out not being aware that he was awake too all the while. What surprises me more is that he pushes it further to him until it touched his chest and the other hand goes round my waist pulling me to him until I'm straddling him. His eyes hung low, not tense whatsoever, his black hair brushing his eyes, my heart thumping repeatedly in my chest.
Even in the barely morning light I can make out his brown eyes soften drastically..
"Do it." he rasps, his deep voice has me shivering and I close my eyes as his scent invades me. "Liv do it." he says again pulling me closer to him until I'm flush to his chest my hands leaning on his inked chest. His skin is so warm and cozy, I don't mind his touch at all. Then I look down at him.
"I can't." I whisper my face turns into a hurt expression and he inhales putting the gun away, nodding his head as if he knew. Both of his big hands move to splay on my bum, I stop breathing. Instead of getting angry like I thought he would, he looks at my eyes then lips back to my eyes intently as if mesmerized. I knew that look too well even if I have seen it only once before where he granted me with blinding pleasure, and it comes back to haunt me since I can't resist the pull I feel even if I wanted too.. I'm too vulnerable and this part of him torments myself so much that I will surrender completely to this sîn.. the dark desire.
"Then live with the consequences of what will happen, bambi." he softly reminds me. And I nod, my nose brushing to his as I'm too distracted with his stare. It's that stare that has me under his spell. "Live with the ugly truth that these sinful hands will touch you and you will want it, mewl and moan for me from now on." he huskily confessed something that he has already known when he saw me not pull away, kneading my bum, kissing me tenderly from time to time, softening me to him. "Live with knowing that I'm a cruel man, who kills, betrays and steals while the only pure and innocent thing I'll ever have is you.." he whisperes inbetween peckings, my breathing hitched and my suprised face goes unnoticed by him. Then I'm adamant to kiss him as well but he keeps talking with his growly voice telling me things I'd never thought I would hear from him. "That you'll become a woman under my touch, yearning for my body. That I will be your first time.. Because you know we can't stay away from one another after this, don't you?" he mumbled. I nod somewhere deep inside me knows that that is the bizarre truth, folding my lips on his bottom lip, my mind has shut down all I focus on is his words and tender touches. "Fuck, I need to hear your soft voice telling me what I'm going to do to you while my mouth marks you... I can't continue to let you be a fuckîng tease without having you quiver underneath me after..." he sounded frustrated, biting his lip he rocks his hips forward to mine while squeezing my bum slow and hard, gauging my reaction, my traitourous body arches to his touch as I sigh, lips parting in his mouth while my eyes roll back at that simple gesture that was so pleasurable as it is sinful, his tongue slipping quickly across mine, I close my lips around his.
Nothing else is there but his lips. Nothing matters but the way my head is buzzing and I can't get enough... This is why I want to avoid kissing him. Because I don't think and that's when I'm easily manipulated.
The movements of his hips shifting to mine in the same pattern has me panting and stiffling moans in his mouth and he is quick to be more aggressive thrusting his bulge to pressure it on my sensitive clothed heart more deviously. I move down on him reflexively as he pushed up again and again, we're both on our underwears so it heightens everything, moaning in unison so quietly. My hands wound themselves on his soft thick hair, his hands wrapped around my back tightly.
"Babe." he groans. The way he said that made me purr in appreciation and then he turns us over so he hovers above me. Not wasting any time he kisses me harder, I granted him access again and turn my head to the side to go deeper, he didn't wait either before he slipped his tongue on my mouth, sliding it on my own. It felt so arousîng kissing him like this, our heated, clammy skin touching themselves.. It looks like he feels the same since I notice his hands travel to my thighs running up and down slowly, a row of tingles cover me where his fingertips graze, and he adjusted himself to have room of pushing my panties to the side until they arrive at my shins where I kick them away never breaking the kiss.
I'm excited and shake lightly then blush when he lays back on me and is in between my legs. He pulls away to lean in then lift his lips again, smoothering me in kisses that coaxed me to pull him back to me by curving my hands under his defined shoulders and deepen the kiss further.
Soon he leaves a trail of wet kisses on my neck dipping his tongue on my collarbone licking up to the place under my ear then he grinds so very slowly onto me while letting his breath tickle my ear, since I'm bare down there I can feel myself throb and I sigh into his ear back, grazing his shoulder blades with my nails, he grunts before he continues to kiss my neck, lastly chest flowering my skin with hickeys every where he went... I refrain myself from wrapping my legs on his waist.
'Am I really allowing this again..?'
When his digits move to my slick entrance I gasp at his slow touch, they ran over the slit, collecting the moisture, going up where his thumb rubs and rounds quickly on my nub now along with his fingers, putting just the right pressure, a moan escapes my lips, rutting my hips to put some friction myself, I guess I have my answer.. that makes him cup my core and he stills where he was kissing my chest.
"Try and stay still, baby." he required in a deep husky voice blinking at me with dark, fiery eyes that were evident with lust. I do try but the pattern of his working hand, which was moving down my folds up to my clît to tease it with my arousâl repeating the action over and over makes me squirm so hard, it is way more intense than the last time. Forcing my eyes open I pull on his hair heavily until a throaty moan comes from the man above me who has the power to wreck me, my mind, body and soul. His face changes in a relaxed one I'm addicted to his weak, vulnerable state, and I whimper at the sound, "My little virgîn." he mumbles and kisses my lips hard, slow with wet swollen lips, sucking my bottom lip in his mouth. The way his words have an impact in all this is still somehow surprising. He tests me putting his finger pads to my entrance teasing me when his pointer finger pushes in slightly, feeling it by rounding it there then retrieves.
"Zayn.." I whisper annoyed glaring at him with droppy eyes, his eyes are dilated focusing only on my face. I'm too absorbed with frustration and tension to care that I'm pathetically pleading him right now. He brings his coated fingers in his mouth before sucking on two with hooded eyes, "Mhmm.." he let out shamelessly, briefly closing his eyes then slips them out of his mouth, "So sweet." he murmured making me blush and bite my lip while his eyes travel down my body and comes closer until his lean warm body touched mine before biting lightly on my chest, a high pitched gasp falls from my mouth, he pulls away again fastly but still close enough. I'm concerned that if he doesn't do something I'll combust myself in ache. Right now I don't think about the outcome, for once I want to be selfish enough to enjoy this without remorse..
"I'd undress you completely but then I fear I won't resist from fûcking you.. hard." he rasped biting down his lip while playing with the bow of my light blue lacy bra twirling it between two fingers, his dark irises trained there and I whine quietly, squirming helplessly. "Baby." he murmured softly upon my action diverting his soft eyes to mine, my cheeks blossomed with heat.
His lips find mine again as his left hand gropped my breast greedily kneading it slowly and gently, the other going down to the place I need the most. His finger slides down my folds then through my opening to strech me and I yelp at the foreign touch, grimacing lightly in pain.
"Shh.." he cooes on my lips. Then he starts to pump his finger in and out, feeling my walls, hook it at a deep spot, until I'm breathless and the light pain fades into pure ecstasy. Everytime he touches me I don't feel afraid that he will hurt me.. Not when it's this kind of touching.
After he curls it deep inside contiuously and accompanies those strokings with deep passionate kisses, slowly sliding his tongue on mine, he abandons my lips taking the path south kissing the swell of my breásts nipping furiously, then torso, stomach, hip bones with quick swirls of his skillful tongue, taking his sweet time to tease round my belly botton to my hips lapping his tongue until he's situated on my inner thighs having his head in between my bent legs, I feel myself clench getting closer to dissolve in pleasure as his finger continues its movement, grinding my hips wantonly, repeatedly to aid the fall into bliss with small whines escaping me. But his finger disappears all of sudden, and I groan meekly lazily opening my eyes. Then I remember where he is taking this, as he nibbles on my squirming inner thighs where I have some small stretch marks that always had me self-conscious even if he doesn't seem to care about them as he sucks harshly, I gasp but am excited, until he drew blood and when he's satisfyed heading to the other, now both of my inner thighs are covered with small dots.
"I'm going to do something I've wanted for a long time.." he whispered softly looking up to me. I'm not repulsed only shy, clearly because my brain has malfunced in my sensitive state. "But don't let your head get in way for this. It will only ruin it." he grumbled. He noticed that I'm tense. For him it is easy since he's done this before but not for me. "Relax." he mumbles on the most intimate of my thigh that it jerked up. A quiet husky chuckle comes from him upon my reaction, "Feel bambi. Just feel, I've got you."
'Who is this and where's the cruel Zayn who doesn't hold back to upset me?'
He looks so attractive and carefree while he eyes me with that lust and lazy stare that when he hovers above my sêx, his breath hits me I trap my lip on my teeth to not cry out as I'm waiting anxiously, then without a warning he went for it, touching his tongue to my clît circling it tenderly, I moan softly and melted completely into him right there at that delicious feeling closing my eyes, he moaned back at the sound, sending shivers right up my spine. Pulling away he licked a line with the tip of his tongue from my folds, flattening it to all the way up my clît again, capturing my nub by closing his lips on it while lapping on it precisely with his tongue, his stubble was very prominent too adding the sensitivity on my heat, as I moan lowly continuously, I grind slowly onto his face. He groans at my sounds, making my whole body flush and continues to swipe, twirl his tongue there, rolling my nub back, forth masterfully, hurriedly not letting me time to get used to this intoxicating longing for lust, he repositions his hand to pump his finger slowly in again then faster, deeper teasing that sweet spot I've come to crave in more than one way, until his knuckle touches the edge of my slit. One hand of mine finds his thick hair threading through it that it gets disheveled from my tuggings, the other fisting the sheet, gasping for air, his left hand sliding up to my chest groping me before he holds my hips down so I don't thrust into him..
It doesn't take him long to make me come undone, with the sensation of his luscious lips and his slender finger I should've known this wouldn't take much. As I'm whining his name repeatedly when his eyes are hypnotizing me never breaking the lustful eye contact and his soft lips suck on that heavenly spot grazing it ever so lightly, while curling his finger deep in me over again, my eyes squeeze shut, and my legs shake when the sparks burst I see stars while I scream out his name hoping these walls were soundproof.
The now familiar but more breathtaking pleasure has exploded in sizzling shockwaves from the pit of my stomach down my core, I'm a panting, shuddering mess, squirming underneath him. He guides me through the high, I'm drowning in pleasure as he is licking, sucking, biting lightly now more slowly, even moaning the most sensual moan there would be against me getting more fierce to prolong my release, until I'm done for. There's squelch, whiteness as I'm still trembling, panting until the crackling of my body quietens down.
For a moment there's only the stuttering of my heartbeat erupting on my senses.
When my eyes flutter open lazily after blacking out from that mindblowing experience, my heart's pounding, I feel spent and a bit sweaty, I bet my chest, neck and cheeks have flushed, my lungs burning from the lack of oxygen. Zayn is hovering above me, during my dazed state he has cleaned me up a bit and pulled my panties back up, I'm too consumed with calming down to feel flustered, his thumb is tracing the outline of the bow on my upper lip, taking in what his touch did to me while biting his lip.
As the aftermath fades I am brought back to earth and its reality.. I feel weird that I am so easy to fall for his touch, my cheeks feel more red in heat as my lips shake, tears forming on my eyes while we reconnect our eyes, sprawled under him.
Something I have sworn to myself will never happen.. and it just did.
'No, no.. What have I done?' I frantically ask myself mentally, my eyes flickering trying to prevent myself from crying.
It is too much as I look at his gentle and lustful gaze. I vaguely notice his erectîon pressing on my thigh since he's trapped my left leg between his, his face is very close to mine scrunched up eyebrows, then his lips part before closing a couple of times before he grits his jaw then released it. He has a battle going on with himself.
"Don't feel guilty." he softly says at last, with a deep husky voice that rasped from deep down his throat all the while caressing my lips. He can see my concerned thoughts floating my mind from my terrified stare and chose to say something comforting even if he isn't used to it.. he does this for me.. But why? "I won't hurt you again nor will I want someone else. If anything I should feel guilty for touching you but it's the only thing that makes me feel and cool down, Olivia." he whispers his deepest thoughts as if he knew what I want to hear, eyes flecked with honesty. Granted I feel less slutty when he said that. But it's so abrupt and out of no where from someone like him who prefers to hide his feelings, that I think this isn't real. I blink a couple of times to assure myself this isn't a dream but he is still there, now frowning at me.
It's very relieving though, that he confessed.. I think that all this time I've waited for those words so I won't prevent myself either, without knowing that of course because I think I was distracted with too much too constantly, the anger I had had for him included that I haven't had time to sort my thoughts on how I feel about how his touch does weird things to my body, clearly because I was too absorbed with everything else and maybe I was in denial. But now it's like he said, I have to live with it. That it will be him, his touch that I crave. It was naïve from me to think that I could ignore what he did to me the first time, when it's what I'm wanting to have for myself for eternity, even if it's disturbing I only want it from him, having no explanation at why I specifically crave this desire.. And now that I got a glimpse of his true self I may fall in this rabbit hole, losing myself more and more.. I find it unbelievable that I'm something that brings him down from his anger, hadn't I heard him with my own ears I would laugh at the idea.
"But I want it too." I voice out my inner turmoil groggily, flickering my eyes to his beautiful chocolate eyes still trying to come down from what happened. I didn't think I would ever like brown eyes this much..
"Not as much as I do. And I shouldn't because you make me weak." he grumbled frowning deeply, his stance turning to his guarded self. I exhale shakily, tears brimming, waiting for him to leave and tell me I'm just something he wants to mess with, for some reason that hurts me and brings a pinching sensation in my chest. "Hey, hey.." he lowly says one hand cups my cheek, hazel soft eyes roaming my face followed by a bruising kiss. As I revel on the feel of his lips, I never thought he can be so soft spoken or long for something. "But you make me feel at ease and it's not always raging fire I feel. You're the addicting breeze that I want to lose myself in." he huskily says biting my pouted lip and I whimper. "I like when you do that." he rasped after releasing my lip still eyeing my swollen lips.
Then he sighed all of sudden, grim expression falling on his once content face while I'm laying under him anticipating in fear what he will say, "I'm tainting you.." he whispered knowingly after seconds, puffed sleep deprived eyes on me.
I'm not the only one with conflicting emotions then. I look down then angle my head to the side, not adding anything. He quickly lays on my chest with his perfect sculpted body where his thumping heartbeat matches mine, face nuzzled to my neck light feathered kisses were given to me until he sighed heavily, then his big hand caressed my right hip. The comfines of the now cloudy-early morning light has wrapped around us as I run my hands on his silky soft hair, he squeezed my hip gently, thinking about what the day will bring us, though my mind remains calm drifting to unconscious..
And for the first time I was here, I felt at ease with everything.
*a.n/ The chapter is self explanatory, lol :). Comment if you thought she would kîll him or herself or atleast injure someone. Am I good at surprising you or am I not? :) Thank you so much for sticking with my story. Vote xx