*a.n/second update of today, sorry for being late.Vote please xx.*
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Olivia's POV
Through the cold blurry whiteness and the never ending fog I felt warmness, as if it was pulling me from here.
"Liv?" I hear a familiar voice call for me. I squeeze her warm hand whining when my whole body feels like I've been hit by a truck, at last I know where I am when I open my eyes, shortly after flinching when I hear someone else.
Bright lights on the ceiling that reminded me of a hospital burned my eyes and I squint them, blinking rapidly to accommodate them. My throat felt sore and dry, my lips too as I try to say something but nothing comes out.
The see through mask over my nose and mouth with the long tube, so a nebuliser, was providing me medicines mixed with oxygen and made it easy for me to breath but difficult to talk, a drip on my hand where the IV fluids run, has my body numb and clammy in sweat, I must have been out for a while. Taking slow and sufficient breaths I try to remember what happened but couldn't. The beeping of my calm heartbeat clear, overwhelming my senses.
Then I hear his voice more clearly, my eyes dart to him while he hovers above me with sad flecked eyes, flashbacks of how I landed on my head came back. I can't really understand what he says I'm still groggy and my vision is lightly blurry but it hurts.. All I know is that it hurts to look at him or hear his voice. My eyes well up with tears when he holds my hand I whimper and try to thrash away, he cringed having a sad expression on his face with big tired eyes, feeling my hair with the other hand.
Alice is trying to make him leave but he doesn't pay attention to her. My heartbeat is loud and fast while I try to push him away. I don't want to see him. Then the beatings turned faster and faster, louder in my ears, my face warm in fresh tears.
"Please don't.." I whisper and then my eyes close in tiredness.
Alice's POV
"Why the fuck did you not wake me up?" Zayn rasped clearing his throat stretching as he stands up. I see Liv flinch just as she opened her eyes.
"Zayn leave." I seethe but he doesn't especially when his eyes go wide while seeing Liv woken up and walks closer to us.
"Olivia." he quietly mumbled as if he doesn't believe she's really awake.
Then he grabbed her hand in turn making her whimper. He cringed hurt, I'd never thought I'd live to see this day even if he looked heartbroken earlier but that was something else, while touching her hair she squirms on the bed.
"Don't you see that she's still not feeling well? Go away." I spat worried when she began crying and the monitor of her heart went faster with alarming beepings. "Don't be selfish, Zayn." I attempt to knock some sense at this prick so we don't get a relapse or what happened just earlier but it looks like he is doing this to himself.. wanting to feel the rejection and hurt.
Her silent sobs echo through the room until she whispered, "Please don't.." then she faints and her heartbeat returns to normal.
He immediately released her hand as if she burned him, looking at his hand.
He quickly left and when I turn around I see the boys watch what had happened from the glass with surprised faces.
+
The doctor came later and told us she will be fine and needs more rest. That was the only relieving news from tonight.
+
Olivia's POV
"I've been dead?" I slowly asked Harry as if he was insane, but calmly too.
After I had woken up exhausted pushing the nebuliser away from my mouth he's been here ever since.
He hummed playing with the drip, I quickly slap his hands away before a "Whoa." escaped me from what he just revealed me, despite that I was not that worried. I can't remember much, only that I tried to wake up but it felt impossible to do so.
"Tell me about it." he retorted annoyed.
"Where's everyone?" I asked curiously. And with everyone I meant Alice, Niall and Louis.
"Alice's bringing you some clothes." he responded with his deep tone that soothed me somehow. I don't know what happened but he's more patient and doesn't throw snide remarks at me anymore."As for the rest they had to leave because we've been here for a few days and needed to get an eye back on our work."
"Oh." I said back.
"We're all relieved you made it though."
"Did you miss me?" I tease halfheartedly, he snarled rolling his eyes."I'd thought once I'm gone your chances with Za-" I stop immediately when I know what I was about to say.
Looking down my hands I remember that I have to still understand and think about how I feel about everything. For now I'm steering clear of any thoughts about him, as long as I can. I know I'm deceving myself but I think I can afford acting clueless for a few.
"Zayn's outside you know?" he told me cheekily not missing a beat, I shrug as if my heart didn't clench when he said his name, he smirked."You just have to call him so he knows you won't faint again."
"Can I get to the restroom please?" I asked dodging what he said, he laughed but said no more.
I've been awake for two hours and my bladder is full, I don't want to spend a thought in anything but myself right now.
"Sure. But like you're naked underneath. I'll look pass that easily but only for you." he teased. Now is my turn to roll my eyes.
"I'll wait for Alice then." I grunt.
After teasing one another more, Alice finally returns.
"How are you feeling?" she asked softly putting a bag with clothes on a chair. She looked tired which made me feel guilty.
"I can't complain since I'm still alive." I honestly answered. They both cringed when I said that.
Harry hoists me up with the cover on and then sits me down a wheelchair where Alice rolls me to the bathroom. My back hurt like hell and my legs were wobbly, a pain had shot through my right leg earlier when I tried to stand up. Since my spine was damaged the doctor said I have to not walk around too much.
She helps me get dressed inside the bathroom.
She gave me some privacy and I relieve myself on the toilet, and after I finish I make an attempt to look up the mirror cringing and regretting that I looked at myself at the first place. My face looked hollow, forehead bandaged, my hair in need of a shower, bags under my eyes, lips chapped. I inhale deeply and exhale to calm myself, turning the faucet on and splash ice cold water on my face which makes me shudder but I welcome it.
Then I poke the bandage round my forehead and hiss but it itched me pretty bad and I sighed when I scratched it and it went away, putting the bandage at its place.
Rolling the chair outside, Alice comes to aid me, Harry laying me back to the bed before leaving because and I cite 'a special black haired man called me' that's what Harry told me with his mocking smirk. That conversation happened when he was outside while I was dressing up.
"Uh, here. The doctor had to put it away when you came in emergency." Alice gave me the necklace he had gifted me with.
Begrudgingly I took it feeling the small diamond.
"We can take you home today." she told me while handing me something to eat.
"Yeah?" I ask relieved I get to leave this small hospital. Then I continue to eat even if I wasn't that hungry but I had to, I couldn't continue to live from the IV's.
She hummed while awkwardly playing with the collar of my red and black plaid. Come to think of it, I don't remember owning one.
"What?" I asked Alice chewing but ignoring the self made toast she brought me. She looks so fidgety that I giggle, so she smiled rolling her eyes halfheartedly.
"I'm just glad you're-"
"Not dead?"
"- you're still here." she finished slowly with a frown eyes finding mine, shushing me, afterwards giving me a hug and I hug her tightly back."And I know you will hate me because I'm about to ask you for something." she grimaced when she pulled away.
"I won't. Tell me." I encourage with a smile.
"Uh, you know Zayn-"
"No." I quickly cut her off my smile fading."I'm sorry but I don't want to talk about him." I whisper when my eyes brim with tears.
"It's just he's had some rough days and can you let him see you for only a bit." she slowly inquiered.
"No." I retort just as slow.
"Look, I've been the first to call him out for what he did to you. But if you would have seen how he was these three days then you would understand me."
"Alice please don't ask me about this again nor talk about him anymore." I mumble because I just want to rest and pretend he isn't there. "I have noticed that life is short, and I can't spend it crying and crying." I continue, "And for now I want to ignore him until I find strength to face him." Despite trying not to, I'm weeping. "Do you know how many times I've laughed or even smiled since I've been here?" I question wiping my eyes and she looked down."It's too little compared to the times I cried or been hurt by him. And I'm sorry that I can't think about him or what he felt right now because it is too much." I blubber out. My subconscious thoughts are running out of my mouth. "I nearly died." I whisper. It's like I only now understood myself. "I'm sorry that I have no energy left in me to give him, to hold his hand and rid his guilt." I sigh leaning back on the bed."I can't."
"I'm sorry.. I-I haven't thought it in that way." she stuttered.
I grab her hand smiling at her,"It's okay. If I weren't so distraught I would have thought the same." I whispered. I'm always too quick to forgive him without me noticing, but this time I have to think about myself.
+
The doctor took some of my blood and changed my IV, before he left. I thanked him that he saves me and he brushed it off.
Now Alice and Harry were arguing over some game on their phone's and it was hilarious.
When the door opens and both of them look surprised I turn as well as my smile vanished.
He closed the door and when he turned around I quickly look away.
Harry walked to him and whispered to him something but I still refuse to watch them.
When I notice that they are arguing I sigh. Alice came to me holding my hand to calm me.
"You can leave me alone with him." I say loudly, so they heard.
"Are you sure?" she asked quietly I nod.
"Are you testing me too Alice?" Zayn snapped but I cut him off, "Leave her be." I replied through teeth.
When they leave, Zayn strides closer to my bed. Neither of us says a word and before I know what is happening he came closer abruptly hugging me. He reeked of cigarettes and a hint of his expensive cologne. I let him hug me flabbergasted while I try not to relax onto his still warm chest, he sighed and pulled away after inhaling my scent. I detest how I feel rueful when he looks exhausted because of me. Now he was awkwardly scratching his neck while looking down his feet. Then I look at my hands.
"Olivia, I-"
Seeking his hand with my eyes I push the necklace he had bought for me in his hand. I had been playing with it all day. Then I close his fingers around it not looking up at the stare he is boring to my face and calmly say "I know what you will say." while gazing straight forward ignoring his shaking hand, which I released quickly. I wasn't ready to face him yet but since he took my choice away so be it. He'll get to hear something unpleasent. "You didn't want that to happen.." I begin to say lowly with a monotone tone. I still have the look of fear he had when I fell memorized. I knew he wasn't aiming to push me down the stairs."But it won't change anything because it did happen." I coldly countered without letting him tell me his excuses. If he has any.
"Okay." he whispered. I frowned confused at how easy that was."But why won't you look at me?" he then asked lowly before grasping my chin making me flinch and turn my head to the side with a scowling expression while tightening my fists around the cover. Is he really asking me that now? And he has some nerve to touch me after all I've been through, forcing me to look at him when I'm barely standing him right now.
"Would you look at me?" he rasped frustrated now."Olivia do me the favor to say that in my face." he sounded so angry but like he was pleading me too. Which one was it now? He confuses me so much.
Here we go again with his anger or care. Why do I even bother talking with him when I know he'll trick me with his own twisted mind, by acting like this, as if he wouldn't hurt me if he could again and again when I know he will lose it as soon as I'm better.
"I won't go unless you look at me.." he quietly said again. I scoff."I just want to tell you something."
"Then tell me."
"Not without looking at me." he quickly retorted with that irritated and low voice he uses to threaten me. That won't work anymore. What could he possibly do to me worse than what he did?
"Why?" I snapped at how demanding he is and turn to him lastly.
Just as I knew I would, I felt guilty, my anger fading and I grew sad. The paleness of his features makes me cringe inwardly. He looked so vulnerable at this exact moment when his hazel eyes met mine which made me feel even more weak than I already was, but he broke the eye contact to reconnect it after a few seconds. A variety of emotions flood his face to at last turn into a stone one.
"I just needed to see your eyes." he told me with a flat tone, his now vacant eyes flickering between mine then around the place, but somehow he looked hurt. And I wonder why that is?
Then he turned and left.
What the hell was that? That was never what he wanted to tell me. But I push it at the back of my mind for now.. or for forever. The frustrated look he had in his eyes was killing me softly now and I'm very sure it is best I don't know what he wanted to tell me.
+
"If I haven't died yesterday, I will now." I tease Louis who was giving me a bone crushing hug.
"Shut up bambs." he scoffed. I was glad he isn't mad at me anymore.
"Yes stop making fun of that." Alice said annoyed when Louis pulled away."I don't want to go through that ever again." she shuddered.
We were back in the mansion, it was now six in the morning since I've had to take some tests, a last examining and some medications from the lovely doctor who saved me.
Now I was resting in my room, yes at the guest room on the third floor, Zayn had allowed this. I haven't seen him since yesterday when he payed a visit to me at the hospital.
Anyway.
"Alice come with me, Louis go sleep. Orders from Zayn." Liam calmly told them when he came inside my room."Today." he inquired losing his patience.
"Now he is too lazy to come and do that by himself." Alice mumbled at me and I giggled but was thankful he didn't come here, she sighed smiling. She tried to cheer me up and I love her for that effort.
They hug me goodnight, and I try to sleep. But can't.
A lot has happened to me, I've literally came back from the dead, but all I can think about is what Zayn told me. He again has mastered to get inside my brain.
I wish I could stand up and go ask him.. Or maybe I'm only saying this because I can't. I would be too much of a coward. I shouldn't be caring in any way.
The door creaks open and I squint my eyes.
It's Zayn, but he doesn't walk inside only staring at me. I don't think he knows I'm awake. Then he left after lingering.
Did he just inspect me? What is wrong with him? It's like he wants to cause me hurt, not physical one, not anymore whatsoever, more mentally exhaustion and he isn't even aware of that.
With those troubling thoughts I fell asleep quickly.