My Christmas List: December 8th
Make me a better liar.
❆❆❆❆❆❆
"I seriously thought boss was going to kill me Mira—you almost had me killed," Leo laughed as we all stood on the elevator.
After an entire game of bowling, I managed to beat both CeCe and Leo, which left both of them mad. It was clear they were competitive. Even being mad, they still managed to keep the mood light and fun.
It made me think of Olivia—my coworker—and how much fun we would have whenever we had a moment away from work. I missed her.
It's hard when we both work the same job, and I know her workload is much heavier considering she took on all of my other clients. Meanwhile, I'm here at Armani's vacation fucking retreat watching her shove her tongue down Heidi's throat.
I pursed my lips in embarrassment. "I know-I'm sorry. Worst first impression ever."
CeCe shook her head. "Nonsense. It's clear you have some issues with clubs, and that's okay."
Leo nodded, smiling still. "Yeah it's no big deal, I just had to give you a hard time."
I rolled my eyes playfully. "Still you deserve an apology for the position I put you in."
Leo nodded. "Well thank you for the apology, but I promise it isn't necessary."
"Besides this one needs a good ass beating anyways," CeCe said, standing on her tippy toes to ruffle Leo's blonde curly hair.
Leo gasped which easily earned a laugh from me. "You don't touch a man's hair!" he pointed a finger at her.
Before CeCe could say anything further to defend herself, the elevator dinged, signaling we reached level eight.
"Well this is me," I said, walking off the elevator as the pair peered behind me in curiosity. I'm guessing no one has ever been to Armani's level other than her family. "This was the most fun I've had in a while guys... thank you."
CeCe smiled. "Of course—you do know we have to follow up with round two right?"
Leo laughed. "Yeah, CeCe's going to keep playing you until she wins now."
"No getting out now," CeCe raised a playful brow.
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah-yeah try all you will, but I'll stay on top."
"Yeah okay, we'll see about that," CeCe said as the elevator doors began to close.
Almost instantly after the doors closed, my smile fell. The same mood that lingered over me earlier soon fell back onto me like a pile of heavy bricks. I let out a soft sigh and turned on my heel, walking toward my room at a quick pace. The last thing I needed right now was to see Armani—especially after our kiss.
I'd be lying if I said I haven't been avoiding her since.
As soon as I made it into my room, I grabbed the silver lighter, feeling the anxiousness building up inside of me.
I sighed, tears glazing over my eyes as I slid down against the bare cold wall. I pulled my white dress up to expose my thighs, turning my leg outward as I placed the flame against the soft sensitive skin of my inner thighs.
Memories of my senior year of high school danced in my head—and the awful Thanksgiving dinner that my sister attended when she was back in town from university.
"That's what you're going to school for?" Millicent asked, disappointment laced in her tone. "I totally support you... but you really want to disappoint mom and dad some more? C'mon Mir."
My stomach sunk as I continued curling my dark hair, avoiding Millicent's dark eyes through the large vanity mirror.
I couldn't tell if she actually supported me or if she said that to soothe the burn she just created.
"I can be successful in the field Milli," I said, forcing my face to remain strong and stoic.
If it's one thing about Millicent, it's that she senses fear. Or worse, insecurity.
"I don't know... You already struggle as it is with school," Millicent said, sighing. I had straight A's, maybe one B—was that not enough? "I've always supported your decisions but it doesn't mean I've necessarily agreed."
I stayed silent, forcing myself to remain strong. Atleast on the outside I looked strong—on the inside I was slowly deteriorating.
It took me months to decide that this was what I wanted to do, and Millicent has managed to make my entire plan—my entire life career, crumble down in under five minutes.
"It's okay to struggle, but not with a career that's in low demand... Be a nurse, at least then you'll be needed," she said, standing from my bed. "No one's going to willingly choose you Mir."
I couldn't help the tears that glazed over my eyes, my breathing growing shaky. Why? Why is she like this? Why can't things go back to how they used to be? Why isn't she nice to me anymore?
What did I do?
Millicent frowned, rubbing the tops of my shoulders. "My sweet Miracle... I know it's a hard pill to swallow, but I just want you to be prepared. I want you to know what the real world can be like," she said, grabbing the hot curling wand from my hand that seemed to be stuck in place. "Let me do this... you know you're no good at it."
The growing tears spilled on my cheek as Millicent curled my hair, tsking at me in the process.
"You know you aren't a pretty crier Mir—now we'll have to clean your makeup up, and perhaps add some more," Millicent sighed, pausing her actions as she stared at my sad reflection. "And your eyeliner is uneven," she said, shaking her head.
I let out a deep shaky breath flinging the lighter across the room. I pulled my knees to my chest and stared at the glass wall across from me. I felt nothing, and I liked that. I liked these moments after burning, they always distracted me.
Just not for long enough.
A knock sounded at the door, forcing me to quickly wipe my tears and rise onto my wobbly legs.
Fuck.
I took in breaths of air and let them out, hoping I looked presentable. I could always say I'm busy... but what if it's Idalia?
I don't want to shoo her away. She doesn't deserve that.
I opened the tall door, but soon regretted it when I took in Armani standing there. She was in her usual black pantsuit with her short hair gelled down precisely and her glowing face bare.
"What is it?" I said, adjusting my posture and pulling on the same stoic expression that I would with a critical Millicent.
Apparently the facade didn't work as well as it did with my older sister because Armani's dark eyes trailed over my face, indicating she knew something.
"I was checking in regarding the project," Armani said, hesitating slightly as her eyes took in my appearance fully.
I nodded blankly. "Heidi should be able to give you the full run down."
I knew the statement was petty and sarcastic, but it was the only defense mechanism I could think of. It was the only thing that could distract her from what she thought I might have been doing.
However, my mechanism failed when I noticed Armani's dark eyes dart behind me toward the ground. "What were you doing with the lighter?" she questioned, taking a step toward me which easily made me back away from the door.
I hated how observant she was. How she could always read my thoughts even when I tried my hardest to lock them away.
"None of your business," I said, and instantly I picked up on the defensiveness lacing my tone, which meant Armani probably did too.
Luckily, when it comes to burning, no one ever expects it. They always assume something else.
Armani raised a brow, indicating for me to explain.
"I was smoking," I said, knowing it was a reasonable explanation.
Armani crossed her arms over her chest. "Smoking?" she said, narrowing her eyes. "Why is that still hard for me to believe?"
I knew almost instantly that she was referencing the other day when I asked Dominico for his lighter, and Armani simply said, You don't smoke.
I shrugged, forcing my tone to remain emotionless. "I don't know."
"So why is the lighter on the floor?" she said, briefly glancing back over to where the lighter was before meeting my stare once again. "And what were you smoking? Why is there no smell of it?" she asked, walking further into the room.
I needed to think of a reasonable explanation and fast.
"I just flung it? I didn't realize that was a big deal?" I said, forcing my tone to remain at ease and calm. I have nothing to hide or defend. I needed to remain calm. "And I smoked outside that's why there's no smell."
Armani nodded tightening her jaw. I knew that she knew I was lying, but there was still hope.
"So how did you hear my knocking?" She asked, her eyes tracing my face fully for any indication that I was lying.
There was no way in hell I would ever tell her what I was really doing and I was aware of that. I would lie as much as I needed to or I would simply choose to not tell her. Simple as that.
"I left the door cracked open," I said.
Armani hummed, nodding her head. "Look me in the eye..." she trailed off, her voice dangerously low. "And tell me you were actually smoking Miracle."
And there was my weak spot. I could lie... but not when it came it eye contact.
Except I had too.
She can't know—that would change everything.
I forced myself to meet her dark eyes. "I was smoking Armani," I said, but her blank expression didn't falter. She wasn't satisfied. "There. Happy?"
"Not the least bit," she said, taking a step back from me. I don't care that she knew I lied. As long as she never knew what I was lying about. "I hope you know I'll find out eventually. I always do."
I pursed my lips, knowing she probably would, given how observant she was. She also managed to know everything. But I also knew I would guard this secret with my life. "Lying? I'm not lying."
Armani nodded slowly. "And you say I can't be trusted," she said, giving me a look of disapproval before turning on her heel and exiting the room fully without dismissal of any kind.