I'll never use Skype again. Ever. Not like I've ever really killed anyone or tempted someone to kill themselves, I will never use Skype. Facetime please.
Niall is texting at the moment, I have no idea who he was texting. Most likely one of the lads.
As we got in the car, Niall put his phone away and he started the car.
"Who Ya texting? I ask putting my hand on his thigh. I don't know why. My mom used to do it to my dad when they were joking around. I always thought it was cute.
Niall smiles "Harry. He's still complaining about Maddy being gone. "I smile but something's off.
"Oh okay. He does know she'll be home soon enough right? "I ask and think of how great of a couple Harry and Maddy are. They're so cute together.
"Yeah but... He just really misses her. "He says kind of uneasily. Now I know something's up. I hope he doesn't know. I hope he doesn't find out I'm leaving.
"Oh, yeah I totally get it. " I say kind of mumble. I start chewing on the bottom of my lip as I always do, when Niall grabs my hands and squeezes it. He looks over at me and smiles a little before looking back at the road.
"We're okay, right? Nothing's the matter? "He says sort of as a statement but then again it sounded like he was second guessing himself making it sound like a question.
I look ahead at the road and iny head I'm thinking I should tell him but my mouth says "Yeah. We're fine." With a smile.
It was left like that.
---
At least an hour later, we were back at the house. It looked messy. Frankly, I don't care at the moment. I just want to cry. I want to tell Niall the truth. I want to be able to say that everything's okay and actually mean it. I want him to stop worrying about me. I want us to be a normal couple.
Of course, that isn't allowed to happen in my life.
"Babe, Im going to get in the shower. Alright?" I shout from the top of stairs to Niall who was in the living room. I didn't even wait for a reply. I went to the bathroom and locked the door.
I started the shower and stripped. I looked at my body as I always do, but today I noticed something.
I didn't like it.
I swallowed the hatred and turned away from the mirror, stepping in the shower while doing so.
I wet my hair and put my Cherry Blossom hair shampoo in my hair. As I scrubbed my hair, my eyes landed on Niall's razor. I squinted my eyes and swallowed hard a gulp sound was most likely to be able to be heard. I shut my eyes tight and turned toward the shower head, rinsing my hair.
Sadly, when I opened my eyes my razor was sitting there on the shower shelf. My hands dropped to my sides and for awhile I just stared at it like a math equation.
You've been clean for two years Tori... Don't break now... Don't.. Is what my conscience was saying but my body movements didn't listen.
Before I knew what I was doing the razor was up against my skin. Just sitting there, mocking me. Stop. Niall would be so disappointed. What about youre promise to Maddy and Joseph?
I wasn't listening to myself when I should've been.
I pressed the blade down on my wrist and swiped fast. My wrist stung. Four lines of blood show up on my skin. They aren't bad. I felt relief and guilt. The weight wasn't lifted but more like blocked by a temporary barrier that'll break eventually.
It always does.
My last one was just torn down as proof.
.
.
.
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Right, so hey guys. Warning. These next few chapters will be sad. Considering, it's the end of the book and shit has gone down.
So yeah, sorry.
Love you guys though.
✌
-Chloe