Y/N's POV:
"How're the nightmares?"
"They're a little better," you smile shyly, taking a sip of your hot green tea.
"Do they still happen every night?" your therapist asks, taking the lounge chair from across the coffee table.
"Yeah," you look down at your lap. "But last night's dream wasn't too bad. I didn't have a panic attack, I just woke up in tears."
"Can you tell me what this one was about?"
It's been eight days since you were released from the jailhouse. Almost all of the cuts on your face are healed except for a bigger gash still healing on your right cheek and a few cracks on your lips. The bruise over your right eye is still visible. It actually got darker for a bit but it started lightening up three days ago.
You're still having nightmares but you were honest when you said last night's wasn't as bad. Usually the dreams involve you getting jumped by the other inmates or all of your friends leaving you. Your mind even plays tricks on you and you dream about Jin and Ana leaving you too.
"Last night I dreamt the little one was trying to hit me, but this time I hit her back," you answer her.
"That's incredible, [Y/N]," she smiles warmly. "That means that your subconscious mind is finally allowing you to start protecting yourself."
You're still a little awkward with your therapist, but it's getting easier to talk to her each time. This is your fourth session with her. Her name is Eunji and she's fluent in both English and Korean just like you are, so your appointments are usually in English as it's a little more comfortable for you.
Eunji is somewhere in her forties with short black hair that rests just above her shoulders. She has sharp facial features like Taehyung but her eyes are kind, reminding you a little bit of Jimin's.
"Have you had any panic attacks aside from the nightmares?"
"I had one Tuesday night, but Jin was able to talk me off the ledge," you say with flushed cheeks. "It was actually because of Jungkook."
"What happened with Jungkook?" she asks with her brows raised.
"I crossed paths with him in the parking garage after Ana had dropped me off from dinner."
"Did he speak to you?"
"No," you shake your head. "His eyes almost popped out of his head and tears immediately poured down his chubby cheeks. I was able to make it up the elevator and into Jin's apartment before breaking down."
"How do you feel towards Jungkook? And Yoongi?" she asks, writing some notes down on her notepad.
You bite into your cheek, trying to figure out what to say.
"Angry isn't really the right word..." you trail off, looking out the big window of her living room. "I'm mostly just sad and disappointed."
"I think that's fair," she nods. "The rational and empathetic side of you understands just how much pain they had to have been in. But it doesn't make it sting any less."
"Exactly," you say down to your lap.
"Jungkook was unknowingly your rock, and you have every right to be hurt by the things he did and said to you."
Tears brim in your eyes again as you look up at her, remembering all the hatred in his eyes as he slammed you back against the cold cement.
"Is it not a little bit my fault though?" you choke out. "I'm not as hurt by Yoongi as I am JK. Isn't it because I put him up on a pedestal he didn't ask for?"
"He's an idol," Eunji smiles softly. "It's a part of his life whether he likes it or not, and it's something he willingly accepts every single day. These men fill Army's ears with messages of love and support, saying things like you're their best friend and to save the ring on your finger for them. Of course it feels like you're close to them."
Your eyes fall back down to your lap as a single tear slips over your lashes.
"Almost everyone picks a favorite, or a bias, and they know it. They do these things purposely. So no, I don't think it's your fault that you held Jungkook to a higher standard than the others. That's how the system is designed to work."
For the first time since starting your therapy sessions, you break down into heavy sobs on Eunji's cream couch. Jin had validated you on this one hundred times but you were worried he was only saying it to make you feel better.
Eunji slides the tissue box your way and patiently waits for you to calm down before continuing. You end up crying two more times as Eunji skillfully starts pulling out the emotions buried deep in your numb and tattered heart.
No wonder she's getting paid so much per session; she's definitely good at her job. It doesn't surprise you that Jin would make sure you have the best of everything since you were released, and that includes the best therapy money can buy.
Your hour ends and you're absolutely gassed. Long and difficult therapy sessions like this are one of the best things people going through a hard time need, but they're incredibly emotionally exhausting.
"Thanks," you mumble as you walk to the front entrance.
"Thank you for sharing so much with me today," she smiles warmly before opening her front door.
Jin's already waiting for you in the freezing cold on her porch. He springs up in excitement but his face falls as soon as he sees your red and swollen eyes. His eyes frantically move towards Eunji who has a small smile on her lips.
"It's okay," she assures him. "It was a really good session today."
"Oh okay," Jin exhales in relief, wrapping you into his arms.
"You should've waited in the car," you mumble into his chest. "It's cold out here."
"I've only been out here for a few minutes," he says before pressing his lips to your forehead. "I didn't want to wait any longer before seeing you."
You squint your eyes at him as he pulls back. "I'm too exhausted for your flirting right now."
"Okay," he throws his head back in a laugh. "But I'm still going to do it. Just ignore me."
"You kids have a good day," Eunji giggles, closing the door behind you.
Jin grabs your hand in his, leading you towards his black matte Porsche. He opens your door and you climb into the passenger seat, relaxing into the heated leather.
Jin knows you're exhausted so he just turns on the radio and drives in silence, letting you stare out the window and process things. After a twenty minute drive he pulls into the parking garage and you both step out of his car. He always gripes at you when you don't let him open your doors but you think it's so silly to wait for him to run around the car just to open the passenger door when you have working arms. You do let him open your regular doors though.
You two head up to the fourteenth floor and you plug in your passcode to your fancy new apartment. Jin let Ana hire an interior designer to decorate the apartment however the two of you wanted. You said you didn't care so Ana went all out. The place has the exact same layout as Jin's but Ana likes darker interiors so she had the walls painted a pretty charcoal gray, and most of the art working hanging up is a metallic blue or gold.
"Welcome back!" Sena says cheerily as you step into the entryway. Your eyes meet Dal's and he just nods. At first it threw you off how naturally cheery Sena is since she didn't ever show much emotion while she was at work. But now that she's getting paid a handsome salary and is moved back in with her beloved brother, she's like an entirely different person. Dal's the same. Quiet and pretty hard to read but he's a nice guy.
"I'm going to go shower," you say to Jin after you slip off your shoes.
"Okay," he grins. "I'll start making lunch."
BTS is on a six month group hiatus so Jin can fully recover, but the other members are still free to do their own work if they'd like. Apparently Yoongi and Jungkook started drowning themselves in work to distract themselves, and Namjoon is still super busy like nothing has changed. Taehyung, Hoseok, and Jimin are thoroughly enjoying their break though. One of them usually stops by to say hello and hangout for a bit each day.
You received formal apologies from both Hoseok and Namjoon, and of course you accepted them but Ana still gave them both a good smack to the back of the head.
It's pretty clear Taehyung is crushing on Ana and you find it hilarious that she pays no attention to him. He's not discouraged though, he seems to love having a challenge. Ana hasn't flat out told him she's not interested which makes you think she's enjoying the game too.
You step into your new room and look around, still having a hard time processing that this is where you live now. Ana has a lot more stuff than you so she took the master bedroom while you happily chose one of the smaller guest rooms. But small isn't really an accurate word. Your room at your old house was gorgeous but Jin went all out decorating your room since you said you didn't care what was put up. The only thing you asked for was to keep it simple.
Upon entering you're met with your new bamboo bed and a cozy swivel chair. The color scheme is gray, white, and tan which gives the room the perfect calming ambiance you need. You actually have carpet in your room which is pretty rare in South Korea. There's a small closet that extends out into the room that separates your bed from the bathroom sinks on the other side. Past that there's two more doors for the toilet and shower, and a massive walk-in closet.
You quickly undress and start up your massive shower that could easily fit three people. After spending ten or fifteen minutes just soaking and feeling the warmth against your skin you begin to wash yourself and then step out to dry off.
You slip into a petal pink t-shirt and a pair of Jin's cozy gray sweatpants he'd left behind one evening. They are so soft and warm, like Jin himself is in a way, and you have no intention of returning them to him. There were two nights when Ana wasn't able to come home so Seokjin happily offered to stay with you. Sena could've easily slept over but Jin was more than happy to do it. It was just another way he was caring for you and you didn't mind.
Jin remained a gentleman and offered to sleep on the couch but you knew he'd probably have to run in once a nightmare came anyway so you asked him to stay with you. He slept on top of the comforter and you gave him a fuzzy blanket to cover himself with.
You did end up having a nightmare that night but Jin was able to wake you up pretty quickly. He held your hand through the rest of the night and you slept like a baby.
He's staying again tonight since Ana has a shoot in Ilsan.
"Just in time," Jin smiles as he and Sena finish setting the table.
Your kitchen is the exact same as Jin's and you also have a long wooden dining table like him but instead of benches you have individual chairs.
"Do you guys want anything to drink?" you ask them as you head towards the fridge.
"Tea for me please," Sena says. "Dal just wants water. He's on another one of his health kicks."
"I want whatever you're having," Jin answers as he sets the other two bowls of ramen onto the table mats.
You grab one green tea, one water, and two sparkling waters before heading back to the table. Your stomach has been able to take a little more food lately and Jin has made sure to cook simple meals that are easy to eat. You're always eating with Ana, Sena, or Seokjin.
"Jin," you say to him after swallowing a piece of pork belly. "What're you doing for your birthday this weekend?"
"You know about my birthday?" he asks in surprise.
"Of course I do," you scoff like he's an idiot. "What kind of fan would I be if I didn't?"
"I see," he grins, and you see his ears turn the tiniest bit of red. "I was actually going to ask you if you'd want to go to my parents' place for dinner. They live about an hour outside Seoul so we might stay overnight."
"Are you sure?" you ask him after taking another sip of broth. "Don't you need to spend some one-on-one time with them?"
"My mom actually told me I wasn't allowed over if I didn't bring you," he laughs as he tucks your hair behind your ear. "Plus you're the one I want to spend my birthday with anyways."
Your body stiffens and your cheeks flush beet red at his straightforwardness. Over the last week Jin has successfully gotten your heart to skip a beat two or three times, even if it's short lived.
"You two are disgusting," Sena rolls her eyes.
"I take that as a compliment," Seokjin beams before turning back to his bowl. You stuff some noodles in your mouth in an attempt to calm your flushed face.
The four of you finish lunch and make it over to the couch to watch a movie. You guys don't really watch much of it because Jin and Sena end up chatting the whole time, you and Dal speaking up here and there but you both prefer to listen.
"We're going to head out," Sena says as she stretches her arms into the air. "I need to do laundry and Dal has his first day back at the precinct part-time tomorrow."
"Okay," you nod with a smile. "Thanks for coming to hang out."
Dal gives you a soft pat on the head before they head for the door.
You smile and wave before Sena closes the door behind them and Jin wastes no time in pulling you into his lap once they're out of sight. He's feeling bold and puts you in a new position today. His hands are firmly on your hips while your arms are over his shoulders, setting you into a comfortable straddling position over his thighs.
Your cheeks flush a light pink as his gorgeous eyes bore into yours. "Are you okay?" he asks.
"What do you mean?" you raise an eyebrow at him.
"I'm not asking you to tell me what you talked about," he says softly. "I just want to make sure you're okay." Your left eye closes as his thumb comes up to caress the swollen skin under your eye.
He's talking about your mental state after today's therapy session.
"I'm okay," you smile. "I don't mind telling you about it. We talked about Jungkook."
"About seeing him in the garage?"
"Yeah," you nod, looking down at his chest. "She was basically just validating my feelings and telling me it's not my fault. That people putting him on a pedestal is very normal because of his profession."
"I agree," he smiles at you before tucking another piece of your hair behind your ear, making your eyes meet his again. "We have to be especially careful when speaking to our fans. Sure it can be exhausting sometimes but it's what we signed up for and we love what we do. We have our close friends and family to ease that burden."
"Isn't that too much pressure though?" you ask with your head cocked to the side. "Knowing you're the source of so many peoples' happiness?"
"It's their choice to make us their happiness or not," he shrugs. "My only responsibility is to be kind. I love Army with my whole heart and want to be the best version of myself for them. So when one of us acts unkind or ugly to a fan that's done nothing but love and support us, it's our fault."
"I guess," you sigh, breaking eye contact again. "I also don't like that I'm coming between you and them."
"You're not, don't worry," he chuckles, shaking his head. "I've known those idiots for ten years. They're my younger brothers, we will always be fine. I know they're genuinely and fully remorseful for their actions and that's what matters to me."
Your teary eyes look back up into his.
"I haven't fully forgiven them yet," he says softly. "But I've known them long enough to tell when their apologies are genuine or not. If you ever feel up to talking to them, they're ready. But you don't have to. You can take as long as you need."
"Is Jungkook doing okay?" you ask. "He really burst into tears within a second once he saw me."
"He'll be fine," Jin laughs, easily being able to picture JK's blubbery face. "He just feels terrible. He's such a kind hearted person normally, so the fact that he's hurt someone who biased him for over two years, and someone who's important to me, is killing him."
"And what about Yoongi?"
"He'll also be fine," Jin assures you. "Yoongi is also kind but his heart is a little more hardened than JK's. But he texts me every day asking how you're doing."
Your numb heart feels the tiniest bit of warmth hearing that they're asking about you and genuinely worried for you. You've been a fan of them for years. You know they're kicking themselves. You know they were just in so much pain from their oldest brother lying still in a hospital bed.
You're not ready to forgive them yet, but you do feel like you could be getting a little closer to it.
"Also," Jin pushes his lips into a pout. "You didn't answer me about my birthday."
"Are you sure you want me to come?"
Seokjin gently cradles the sides of your face and neck before pulling you closer to him. His lips press against your left cheek, and then your right, followed by a slow and delicate kiss to your forehead. Your eyes flutter closed and your chest swells a tiny bit as he leaves his lips there for a few seconds.
Your breath hitches when one hand moves to cradle the back of your neck, tilting your head right. Your hands grip his broad shoulders as his lips press to the tender skin just below your earlobe. His hot mouth begins to leave slow, sensual kisses down the side of your neck and you have to bite into your lip to stifle your whimper. By the time he makes it to your shoulder, goosebumps have spread across your entire body.
He pulls back to get a good look at your cherry tomato face before flashing you one of the most beautiful smiles you've ever seen.
"I absolutely want you there," he says confidently. "Please come spend my birthday with me."
Your trembling hand moves to grip the side of your neck where your skin still tingles. The air feels still as your big and shiny eyes bore into his.
"O-okay," is all you're able to utter.
*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*
__________________
A/N: Chappy 13 ~
Whew it's getting a lil toasty
HAPPY HOBIPALOOZA DAY
JIMIN AND JHOPE ARE STAYING IN THE HOTEL ACROSS THE STREET FROM MINE
RIP MY ASSHOLE