Jack woke up when he felt Julia suddenly sit up beside him. He opened his eyes, and in the pale dawn light he could see her ashen face was covered in sweat.
"Are you okay?" He asked groggily. She didn't say anything, pointing to the trash can beside the bed. He understood quickly, sitting up and moving her to the edge of the bed. He handed her the trash can and pulled her hair back as she threw up. Jack could feel her shaking as he rubbed her back and tried to keep his disgust at bay. She groaned quietly when she was done, reaching for the glass of water.
"Merry Christmas," Jack told her with a smirk. She chuckled quietly, before sighing.
"Merry Christmas," she told him. She still looked awful as she put down the trash can.
"How are you feeling?"
"Like death warmed over," she told him, laying back down. She was still peaky, with pieces of hair sticking to her damp forehead. She had dark circles under her bloodshot eyes.
"Yeah, I would imagine so," he agreed. He hesitated a second before he decided to voice the thought in his mind. "You know, you really scared me last night. All of us."
"I know. And I'm sorry. I'm sure I wasn't very pleasant last night," she admitted. Jack laughed and nodded.
"Definitely not the sweetest you've ever been. I think my favorite part of the evening was you yelling at us to leave. Several times," Jack reminisced. "But I know the way I reacted probably didn't help. I'm sorry I yelled at you."
"No, you had every right to yell at me," Julia disagreed. She frowned, staring blankly at the ceiling. "I can't believe I did smack."
"You said it was supposed to be angel dust," Jack reminded her. "What is angel dust?"
"It's a hallucinogen. I've only done it one time, mixed in with some pot. It's pretty good for totally spacing and ignoring everything around you," she explained.
"How did you know it wasn't angel dust?" Jack asked.
"It burned so bad. And then I threw up. I knew then it wasn't angel dust, but you can't throw up what you snort so I was stuck. I felt good, but not like angel dust. I was too conscious to be on a hallucinogen. Figured it was an opiate. Smack is the cheapest," she shrugged. Really, she couldn't be positive that it had been heroin. She would probably never know for sure.
"Well, at least you can say you didn't mean to do it," Jack tried to reason. She frowned, avoiding eye contact with him.
"I didn't mean to do it the first time," she whispered. Her hands fiddled with the blanket, picking at some imaginary snag in the fabric.
"What do you mean?" He asked her cautiously. Jack watched the gold locket he had given her rise and fall slowly with her breaths.
"I did two lines before I realized what it was. But a little while later, I did another line," she admitted. She could feel Jack tense up uncomfortably.
"Oh."
"I'm not trying to make excuses, but I was so messed up already. I felt good. I didn't think another line would hurt me. Or maybe if it did, I wouldn't have cared."
Jack didn't say anything as he thought about what she had said last night.
"If you guys hadn't shown up, I think I would've kept going at it until I was dead."
"I'm sure you're going to have to explain what happened with your mom to everyone else, so I can wait," he said quietly, trying to get his mind off her words.
"Don't call her that," Julia insisted quickly. A red flush rose to her pale face, and Jack noticed her fists clenching. "It's Sylvia. She is not my mom."
Jack nodded, taking one of her clenched hands in his.
"Understood. Do you wanna try to sleep for a few more minutes? It's still pretty early," Jack tried to coax her into relaxing. She relented slowly, laying down with her head on his chest.
A few hours later, most of the team was gathering around for breakfast, enjoying their quiet Christmas morning.
"Has anyone heard anything from Jack's room?" Rizzo asked as he put a platter of bacon on the table. They had noticed Jack wasn't on the couch this morning, to no one's surprise. Robbie had even waited a few minutes after Jack took Julia to his room, but Jack never came out to the couch. Robbie had been glad to know Jack was with her.
"I heard her throwing up early this morning," Silky volunteered. A few of the boys were obviously confused.
"Who is her? Who I think it is?" Janny asked, glancing between the guys who seemed to be in the know.
"Who else could it be? She didn't end up going to her mom's. Decided to drink and do drugs in a hotel room instead. So she's here now," Robbie explained. Eyes widened all around the table.
"I'm sure she's hurting this morning," Jimmy said. They heard a door open, and Jack made his way into the kitchen.
"She's still asleep, and I hate waking her up," he said, answering the question on everyone's mind. He sat down at the table. "She was awake for a little while a couple hours ago. She threw up. I didn't find out much, except she's really pissed at Sylvia. She made that very clear. She doesn't even want to hear Sylvia referred to as her mom."
"I never trusted that woman," Robbie grumbled, stabbing at some eggs with his fork. "I don't know why she couldn't have just left Julia alone."
They ate their breakfast without another word about Julia or Sylvia, mostly talking about Christmas with their families. It wasn't lost on them that they were without their families on the holiday, and there was still one more cut to be made to get the team to twenty players. They all just hoped that the sacrifices they had made would be worth it.
The McClanahan family had invited whoever wanted to join them for Christmas night, but until then most of the boys would be hanging around the dorm. After they finished eating and cleaned up, Robbie looked at Jack.
"We should go wake her up. It's almost eleven. The band is gonna wake up soon, and I'm sure they'll want to talk to her," Robbie reasoned. The two of them headed to Jack's room, where Julia still slept soundly. She still looked very unwell in Jack's opinion, not that he would tell her that.
"Julsie, wake up," Jack said gently, placing a hand on her shoulder. She woke up with less of a fuss than usual, lethargically opening her eyes.
"Merry Christmas, kiddo," Robbie grinned. For as angry as he had been, he had to admit he was seriously relieved to see her conscious and sober.
"Merry Christmas. I'm sorry about...everything," she said sheepishly.
"I know, Jules. Do you wanna tell us what happened?" Robbie asked. Jack sat beside her while Robbie took a seat on the end of the bed. Julia sat up slowly, frowning.
"Well, Herb dropped me off and all seemed well. Sylvia and I went upstairs to her room so she could call Danny and get her stuff. While she was on the phone, I accidentally knocked her purse over and a piece of paper fell out. I didn't mean to snoop but I could see the word 'Enquirer' on it. It was some guy's name and number. She claimed he was an old friend, but I just knew she was lying. I got really mad. I was so mean," Julia sighed. "I don't think I've ever been so mean. Not sober anyway. We got into quite the argument. I...I slapped my mom."
Robbie and Jack shared looks of complete surprise. Robbie tried to suppress a smirk.
"You slapped her?" Jack repeated.
"Hard," Julia nodded with a blank face. "She said some shit about my dad. She told me I was just like my dad because of the drugs and alcohol. So I slapped her. I made her admit that I ruined her life, which she did. Then I told her to get out and never talk to me again. So she left."
"I'm sorry, Jules," Robbie said, realizing how bad the debacle had truly been.
"You were right about her," Julia said to Robbie with a sad smile.
"I didn't want to be right," he insisted. "That's not what I wanted at all."
"I know," she nodded. "After she left, I was just shocked and upset. I was planning on calling you guys. I went to get some water, but there was whiskey. I had one mini bottle. Then a few more. I went outside to smoke, and I saw a bar across the street. I was sitting at the bar having a drink, and this woman sat next to me. We started talking, and we kept drinking. I asked her for a cigarette. She asked if I wanted something more, and I followed her into the bathroom. She told me it was angel dust. When I was back in the hotel, I called Jim to see about changing my flight. Then I did what turned out to be smack."
All three of them were quiet and thoughtful for a few minutes. The only sound was the ticking of the alarm clock on the nightstand. They were each lost in their individual thoughts before there was a knock on the door. Rizzo poked his head in timidly.
"Herb is on the phone. He's wondering if Julia is here. I told him I would check," he admitted impishly. Rizzo was clearly smart enough to know he didn't want to break the news to Herb.
If there had been any ounce of color in her face before, it completely drained now. She looked like she was going to be sick again.
"I can't," she squeaked. She looked at Jack, tears welling up in her eyes. "I can't talk to Uncle Herb. He's gonna kill me."
"He's not going to kill you. Just let him know that you're here so he doesn't have a heart attack, and I'll take you home in a few minutes," Jack told her. He got up, taking her hand and gently pulling her out of bed. Her legs were shaky when her feet hit the floor. She stopped moving as her head swirled around her. Jack put an arm around her to steady her, and the four of them slowly walked out to the kitchen. The phone sat outside of its cradle, and Julia looked at it like it would kill her if she touched it.
"Don't make me," Julia begged Jack in a whisper as he guided her to the phone.
"It's gonna be okay," Jack promised her, picking up the phone and handing it to her. She swallowed hard, struggling to find her voice.
"Hi, Uncle Herb," she said hoarsely. She subconsciously held her breath as she waited for his response.
"So, it didn't quite go to plan I guess," Herb said calmly. "We were getting worried that we hadn't heard from you, so we called Sylvia. She said you decided to stay behind."
"Is that all she told you?" Julia questioned, leaning against Jack and trying to fight the nausea she was feeling.
"I didn't ask anything else. I figured I'd hear it from you. Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Julia told him. "Jack is gonna bring me home in a few minutes."
"Alright, we'll see you soon," Herb said. Julia's guilt only grew at Herb's easygoing attitude. She hung up and looked at the boys sadly.
"Is now an inappropriate time to suggest I catch a cab to the airport and leave before I can disappoint my aunt and uncle?"
"Yes," Robbie responded with a lopsided grin.
"I thought so," she sighed.
She moved slowly, but with Jack's help she managed to get slightly cleaned up. She hoped she would see the boys later at the McClanahans' house, but she apologized again for the night before and wished them a merry Christmas. Robbie and Jack loaded her stuff into Jack's car, and Julia promised to keep Robbie updated on whatever her fate turned out to be.
"Jack, I don't know what's gonna happen when I talk to Jim and Uncle Herb," Julia said cautiously as he drove her to Herb's house. He nodded, taking her hand in his as he drove.
"I know. I hope you know I want you to do what's best for you."
Julia squeezed his hand, not saying anything else. She spent the rest of the drive home wondering what she had done to deserve Jack. Even when they fought, he was sweeter than Julia ever thought her attitude warranted. She knew she owed everyone in her life better—Jack, Robbie, the band, her family. She was lost in serious thought when Jack pulled up in front of the house.
"Are you ready?" Jack asked her. She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly, and nodded as she got out of the car. Together, she and Jack brought her luggage inside. Danny and Kelly came rushing to the front door, still in their pajamas and loaded up on Christmas sugar.
"Jack's here!" Danny exclaimed with a grin. He looked at Julia in confusion. "I thought you were leaving."
"Good to see you, too," she said with an eye roll. Patti and Herb were quick to follow their children. They knew something was wrong as soon as they saw Julia. In addition to her face looking pale and bloated, her hair was a tangled mess, despite her trying to brush it out. She still wore Jack's BU sweatshirt and her pajama pants. On top of all that, there was an unmistakable shadow of guilt across her face.
"Merry Christmas," Patti greeted, putting a smile on her face. She hugged Julia and then Jack, before turning to look at her children. "Why don't you two go get dressed so we can go over to see Grandma and Grandpa Brooks?"
Danny wanted to protest, but the eye his mother gave him shut him up. The two of them quickly climbed the stairs. Patti motioned for Jack and Julia to follow her to the kitchen, where they sat around the table with Herb.
"Do you want to explain to us what happened?" Herb asked Julia. There was no accusatory tone in his voice, but Julia could feel a knot building in her stomach. She wrung her hands together nervously.
"I found out that Sylvia was the one who gave that information to the National Enquirer. I found the guy's name and number written down. We got into a huge argument. I wasn't very nice, which led her to say some stuff about my dad. I slapped her. I told her I never wanted to hear from her ever again," she recounted yet again. She was quiet for a moment, and Jack wondered if she would try to stop the story there. She opened her mouth but nothing came out. Her eyes filled up with tears. Everyone was silent, until Julia looked up at him with glossy eyes.
"I can't," she whispered. She truly didn't think she had ever felt this low. Disappointing her aunt and uncle who had given her so many chances weighed on her like a ton of bricks.
"Julia drank...a lot from the mini bar," Jack took over cautiously. Herb and Patti looked at him, clearly very worried. They both shared an idea of where the story was headed. "She went to a bar across from the hotel. When she got back to the hotel, she called Jim to see about changing her flight. Jim called Robbie because he was worried about her, so we went to check on her. When we got there, she was high."
Patti inhaled sharply, but Herb didn't move a muscle as his mind raced.
"High on what?" Patti asked, barely above a whisper.
"Smack," Julia spoke up before Jack could. Tears rushed down her cheeks. "It wasn't supposed to be smack, but it was. I bought it off some lady at the bar. I was an absolute nightmare to the boys, but they took care of me."
Patti and Herb looked at each other, with tears welling up in Patti's eyes. Herb swallowed, looking to Julia slowly.
"We're glad you're safe. I'm sure you're not feeling well, so we can talk more tomorrow. Do you want to join us at your grandparents' house?"
Herb's understanding nature only added to the overwhelming self-condemnation Julia was feeling.
They deserve better. I deserve better.
"I want to go to rehab."
Thanks so much to everyone who reads, votes, and comments! If anyone is interesting I posted some pictures along with a Pinterest link and a playlist back in the introduction chapter!