Songs for the chapter: Zack Knight-Dheere(this helped me write the chappie, and it's a beautiful song)
Taylor Swift-Treacherous
Gentle breaths fell from his lips heating my neck, sometimes purring and this is the only time I found peace. I've managed to get some sleep, but having Zayn breath on my neck and lay on me had sure made it difficult. It was early in the morning and I keep thinking about what he said, how he indirectly told me that those drugs were something that helped him, and maybe made him forget about things he expirienced. Still I was trying to push him away, especially since he's laying between my thighs his bare muscled chest on mine, our breathing pattern was the same. I can't help but feel so vulnerable and humiliated, I even smell like him.
When he shifts I gasp because our mid sections are brushing, dangerously close now and I feel his not so subtle bulge since he was only in his white boxers.
"Wake up.." I whisper while shaking him by his shoulders while I'm trembling lightly."Zayn wake up." I say louder. He groaned on my neck.
"Fuck.." A low hiss left his mouth and he shifts again accidently, or maybe not, grinding to me. Tears prickle on my eyes ready to flow.
"Stop." I shout fuming my whole body tingling and he tensed, his beard grazing my throat because he tried to wake himself up while nuzzling to my neck then sighed heavily while he luckily leans on his elbows and shifts so his legs have my right leg between them.
Locking my chin between his fingers and thumb he tilts my head up while he nears me until I feel his exhilarated breath is on me. Slowly I look up to his puffy eyes, dishelved hair and he notices my scared and flushed face, while his black flecked eyes take my expression in, frowning deeply. Unfailingly I see sadness in his eyes and I didn't like it at all.
"Shh, don't even think about it." he murmured when my lip quivered ready to weep still holding me close now leaning his chin on my chest.
"I can't." I murmur about to cry.
"You talk in your sleep did you know?" he rasped with his deep groggy morning voice trying to distract me and my lips part."And you have nightmares. Unless I touch you they won't go away." he softly said and diverted his eyes to me, pupils blown out. I think he was still sleepy and that's why he tries to calm me down. Because wasn't he the one who said that he loves to see me cry?
"Wh-What?" I finally asked shyly while stuttering and looked away from his stare. He had started to rub my left thigh with his hand reasuringly up and down, squeezing from time to time.
"You do. Now go back to sleep." he mumbled laying his head back to my chest and continued to feel my thigh by running it up and down, never stopping the calming manner. His hand was big and warm and his thumb was sweeping over my skin in a constant motion. I didn't mind. Admittely I liked it more than I should have.
+
I woke up on the comfy bed and felt well rested, not sweaty or like a weigh is laying on me. With caution I look to the side and let a breath out when Zayn wasn't there. I stood up just sitting on the bed before flopping down again, now noticing a piece of paper on the night stand.
*I've got some things to attend and will be back soon. If you don't try to escape I'll let you stay home alone more often bambi x.* he had scribbled down in his artsy hand writing.
I felt delightened to be honest because I don't think I would bear seeing him this early.. or ever. But why had he written home in it as if this was my real home?
I stand up and feel myself sway and grip the nightstand, my head was pounding. Taking quick breaths to free my mental exhaustion a bit I look around the trashed room and decide to clean it.
I grab his clothes that he has thrown out of his closets and fold them putting them back in their place. Then proceed with setting his bed, trying everything to distract myself from thinking about him..
After cleaning the mess I walk to his bathroom and look in the mirror.
My face looks so hollow, pale, bags under my eyes, red face and ruined make up from all the crying I did yesterday. Quickly I wash my face with cold water, then comb my hair with one of his combs, stealing some of his hair products, I knew he would have something to tame his thick hair. After running my hands on my hair with a small amount coconut oil I walk downstairs trying to get something to eat.. or maybe escape.
I try every window of this house but the only ones that opened were upstairs and I would be considered crazy if I would try to haul myself from the second floor, I would probably hurt myself. Still I couldn't find any opportunity to escape even after two hours.
Giving up I stride to the kitchen I spot a big breakfast prepared and ready to be devoured. My limbs freeze, my hands balled to fists when I see the profuse food, some white roses and violet tulips as well all lined on the kitchen island, chills go uncomfortably down my skin the fury erupting from inside my chest. As much as I didn't want to think about him I can't right now.. I am so hurt, mad, confused at what he wanted to achieve with this.
Was this his way of apologizing?
That thought brought me to the edge of my anger and I grit my teeth doing everything in me not to cry in frustration as my blood runs cold than boils in pent up fury. I walk closer to the kitchen island and let my fingertips graze the flowers as if afraid I would taint them.. I still felt so dizzy with all what happened.. I can't help but remember everything.
Three slaps. He had slapped me three times to then make me sleep in his bed sing to him in his clothes while he touched me in a tender way as if mending me just to fuddle with my mind, then he goes tells me I have nightmares that they don't go away until he touches me, as if he was my remedy.. as if I had to rely on him.
To him it must look like we are together and we're fighting or what else? What in the God's name is wrong with him?
It is his fault that I'm here. It is his fault that I'm beginning to feel sorry for him and that's what leading to make me accept and engulf all what he throws at me.. These feelings of confusion. What does he want and why did he do with this?
'You started to feel sorry like Alice said..' My subconcious said slyly.
"No.. no." I whisper denying that voice grabbing my head.
'Then you'll fall for him..' she continued.
"No." I whimper and grab the vase with the flowers in.
'You already have started to feel various things for him..'
"Enough." I shout at no one in particular like I'm insane, clashing the vase onto the kitchen island then get ahold of a glass full of orange juice near to throw it to kitchen's door. Then my hands wrap onto my middle holding myself like I'm falling apart.. that seemed to sum up the feeling the best, I feel broken.. more broken than Zayn probably is.
"Liv..?" I flinch, gasp and look up to see Zayn frowning near the kitchen door.
He's back and I hadn't noticed, observing my distraught state and then down his feet where the pieces of the broken glass. He glares.
Oh no.. He thinks I wanted to hurt him and now he will corner me again.
I can't bring myself to look at him again and quickly begin to clean the destroyed vase hastly and then walk to where he is standing crounch down and grab the other pieces.
"Liv." he mumbled and crounched next to me.
"I..I'm sorry I didn't want to.. And I'll put them away." I whisper frantically collecting the pieces in a bunch, my tears were still flowing freely but I was too numb to care.
" Liv-" When he tried to touch me I shriek and stumble landing on my ass then crawl away on my fours.
"Don't.." I pant bringing my arms on my face.
"Liv your hands.. they are bleeding." he calmly told me to not scare me. And they really are when I look at them, my hands coated in blood and I hadn't noticed."Stop touching it." he scolds when I had subconsciously begin to touch the broken pieces again trying to collect them.
What's wrong with me? Why am I so numb?
"Here.. Let me." he whispered, seeming wary like he ought to be. His hands hoists me up but he is very careful and puts me on the kitchen counter then he puts the pieces away in the trash can."Don't do anything stupid, I'll be right back."
After he comes back I see some bandanges on his hand. Then he takes care of my hands and again I shrink away.
"I don't.. I want to do it alone." All the time I haven't once looked at his eyes, my eyes trained to his tight white v-neck.
"And how?" he rasped annoyed."Both of your hands are hurt." he explained.
"Okay." I sigh shakily."Okay. But after that don't touch me."
"Excuse me?" he asked with a stern voice and I whimper and want to jump off the counter but he doesn't let me." Fine.. fuck, fine." he whispered annoyed."Just stay still now."
My hands shake the whole time he examines them, even having to pull a sharp big piece of my palm and I gape wincing that I haven't felt it all, then a few small ones before he cleans my hands with a towel. Cautios and shyly I look at him and he is immersed on wrapping bandages on both of my hands.
On his face are still some little scars, two on his right eyebrow that have turned in white lines, the contusion on his cheekbone has disappeared only a little yellow fleck was noticeable.
When he finished his eyes are trained on my exposed thighs because I was still in his button up, then he kissed my hands before trying to wipe my eyes but I flinch away, hoping off the counter and want to run into my room because I couldn't take this anymore but again I'm swaying and lose my balance.
"Olivia, what-" he manages to grab me before I fall curving his arm under my shoulder and then pulled me upright, sliding his hand down to circle it on my waist so I'm pressed to his chest."What the fuck is going on?" he murmured and helps me up."Have you eaten anything since yesterday?" he asked I shake my head as I am laying my head on his shoulder trying to get rid of the dizziness."No wonder you're so pale." he rasped to himself.
Then he sits me down the stool and tells me to eat. When he sees that I can't and am fidgety he sighs heavily and I'm surprised that he hasn't lost his patience yet.
"When you finish bring me some water outside." he ordered his eyes boring onto me but I refuse to look back. Then he began walking out of the door.
"Outside?"
"Yes Olivia outside. As in out of this house." he mocked scoffing with his back turned to me and left.
+
After eating a little I quickly grabbed a glass filled it with water and make my way outside were I see a shirtless Zayn with grey washed out jeans the white boxers poking out, hair tucked under a black beanie and he was smoking a cigarette. One of his many cars, a black lamborghini is there near the large garage where he was checking its engine. My eyes are quick to take in his tattoos, the wings with the lips which I was familiar but never payed attention because I neverelt the need to, the gun on his hip, something written on his v-line, a black heart on his other hip.
"Bring me the glass." he said when he saw me there oggling his tattooed chest and I near him and hand him it.
He gulped down all the water in two tilts. His adam's apple boping up and down. With a satisfied sigh he walks inside the garage and let's the glass there I spot the tattoo of a bird on his back some others too before returning with mechanic tools and lays down under the car to work on it.
"You can sit somewhere inside the garage." he rasped.
The weather looked very nice, the sun shining brightly and I inhale and exhale the fresh air forgetting that he talked with me in the first place.
"I'm good." I mumble.
After an hour he finished and I was standing inside the garage because the sun was too strong and I still didn't feel well.
"Why are you not wearing pants?" he rasped after he parked the car back inside his big garage, eyes darting to mine.
"You told me to.." I murmured with a hurt expression, has he forgotten about what happened yesterday. With narrowed eyes he hummed thoughtfully and came near me, I had to look up.
His lips tightened until they were pressed into a thin line. When he finally spoke, his voice had dropped to a hoarse whisper, "You can wear pants." as if it was hurting him to say that, soon giving me a small smirk.
"Why, thank you." I rolled my eyes and bit down my lip looking to the side to hide my stinging eyes. Just how many more times will I cry infront of him?
He pulls me to him by my hip, I knew he would. But it's like I want him to lose his patience, it's like I want him to get angry and hurt me so I will hate him back, and he won't think that he got me in any way, that he doesn'g get his way this time.
"Liv." he said in that tone, voice low and threatening that made me shake in fear and I peer up to him through my eyelashes, my face fallen in a sullen grimace.
Different emotions crossed his face; bitterness, anger and frustration to begin with, but when he let his eyes linger on my eyes I noticed how his irises changed, there was an agonizing sadness in his eyes. The second time I notice that.
Slowly his hands come up to my face cradling my cheeks, lips skimming my jaw, one hand slides to grab my neck. This is all so familiar that I don't even want to spend strength in this anymore.
His lips find my neck and he bruises me but this time it feels different, I can't explain it. The move of his lips is so tantalizing and gentle drawing me in with his soft lips which suck my skin tenderly as I deflate in his arms and sigh heavily, inwardly I feel blissful. His right hand slides down to my thigh under my knee and hooked my leg to his side, he licked a line up from my collarbone to the hinge of my jaw while still gripping my neck, I shuddered, my heartbeat faster than it ever was. Involuntary my bandaged hands lay on his chest to find some composure, where I feel his musled chest flex with his heavy breaths. His head comes up to my view our foreheads touching and his eyes darted down at my lips, our noses brushing, my eyes close when he leans in.. But nothing happens, our lips close but not touching. I was expiriencing a mix of emotiones right now, I don't know why I'm feeling a tinge of disappointment and at the same time detest what he does to me..
"Babe.." he murmured his right hand gripping my hitched up thigh. My eyes shot open wide and I can't move, my mouth goes completely dry, breath coming short. It was the softest voice he has ever used with me and that he called me that in a caring way."I'm sorry.." he barely whispered, gaze burning into mine, hazel eyes flecked with sincerity, if I hadn't seen his lips move I'd thought I imagined it. With that he left me there bewildered while his head looked down and hastly walked inside. He's barely out of my sight and my legs gave out, as if he took all of my energy.
Why did he say that? Sorry for what? Everything? It's things like that that my subconscious doesn't let go of because of the meanings those actions can withhold. It's things like that compell me to him.
What is he doing to me?
*a.n/ Uh, this chapter is weird because she feels weird, blame Zayn, and no she's not turning crazy she's only emotional af. As for Zayn his character is mostly moodswings because he has no idea what he does himself. oops I talked too much. Please vote.