"Okay, class dismissed," Mrs. Yang stated in front of the class.
I started cleaning my desk and putting my things inside my bag when I heard Mrs. Yang called my name.
"Jisoo, can you come with me to the teacher's lounge?" Confused but still, I nodded. "Right now, please?" She added.
She looked serious. And that made me nervous. I followed her behind as we walk through the hallway and into the empty lounge.
We went straight to her cubicle.
She gave me a seat which I politely accepted. Now, we're sitting face to face with each other. I swallowed a lump in my throat when her expression was still bleak.
It was clearly full of dismay.
"I'm just going to go straight to the point," She sighed deep. "Your grades have insanely dropped."
I immediately looked down.
"All in all, you're always ranked top two." She stated. "There was even a time you beat Namjoon's top one record."
I bit my lips, nervous and embarrassed. "Now," She sighed again. "You're ranked top five already."
I immediately looked up at her. Surprised, I'm quite shocked that I've dropped that low.
"I-I" I stuttered. I couldn't say a word.
She moved her chair closer and hold my both of my hands. "I completely understand. You've been in and out of the hospital for quite a lot already, but" She stopped.
"But?" I asked.
"You've been so out lately even you're inside the class, it's like you're not there." She continued. "Is there something bothering you?" I instantly looked away.
She tightens her hold in my hands. "I want you to know that the teachers can help you. I can help you. Just tell us what's wrong." I straightened my back and look directly at her eyes.
Her stares where quite hypnotizing. The type that would put me into a trance but I still didn't back down and tell her.
I won't.
I can't afford to break down and have someone know my secret or else, all this sacrifices that I've done so far would fall into pieces.
"Thank you for the concern, Mrs. Yang. I really appreciate it." I gave her a small smile. "I'll try my best to get my grades better."
She looked at me intently but I didn't budge. I remained gazing at her. That made her gave up and exhaled deep. "Okay, but my door is wide open, Jisoo. Let's try to talk it out sometime sooner, okay?"
"Sure, Mrs. Yang." I bowed at her. "Thank you for your time. I'll take my leave then."
She slowly nodded and I immediately went out of the office.
As I close the door, I immediately leaned on it and took a deep breath.
As realization hit me, my life is slowly crumbing right in front of my eyes. And I don't know how to stop it.
***
"Jisoo, wait up." I heard Chaeyoung called. I ignored her calling me out and continued to walk in the open field.
This days, I kept running away from them. As much as possible, I must avoid them at all cost. This is a matter of my own problem and I must solved it on my own. I don't want them to get involved.
"Jisoo," I felt someone clutched my arm to stop me from my tracks. "We need to talk." I glanced at my back and saw Jennie.
"Lisa was crying and we-"
"Jennie, Chaeyoung stop it," We all look at our back and saw Lisa coming towards us.
Great.
I keep my face emotionless as possible. If being cold and distant to them is what it would take, I would do it, then.
So be it.
"It's not her fault." Lisa stated right after she went closer to us.
"Of course," Jennie beamed her gummy smile at me. "It's Jisoo we're talking about. She wouldn't do such a thing."
"Do what?" I plainly asked.
"About the rumors circling around the campus." She answered. My brows rose to make her continue.
"About you and Jungkook being together." It was Chaeyoung turn. She faced me.
So, the rumors really spread that fast, huh.
Why does it has to be always me? Those petty people who got nothing good going on their life so they mind other people's business.
What's up with that?
Can't we just live peacefully in this world?
She continued. "Lisa was crying a lot about it. But of course, we don't believe it, Ji. You might have heard from Jungkook though, you guys are together all the time. It's true that she and Jungkook-"
"We broke up." Lisa cut her off.
Silence then overcame between us.
Jennie and Chaeyoung immediately went to Lisa side as tears started falling from her cheeks once again.
They were comforting her.
I want to hug her, too. Tell her everything's going to be fine. That Jungkook still loves her a lot and it's just that this is all my fault.
Me and my selfishness.
But I don't want them to know the truth.
I must carry it all on my own. For their own sake.
"What about it?" They quickly looked back at me, they're quite shocked and confused by the way I acted.
Jennie let out a nervous laugh. "Ji, w-what are you s-saying?" She uttered. "She's hurting. We need to be her side and-"
"Look, I have a lot of things on my plate and if you don't have any other important thing you got to say," I turned back. "I'll take my time to leave." I started walking away.
"Jisoo Kim, stop right there." Chaeyoung shouted. Her tone sounded enraged. I looked back and glare at her.
"Ji, what is happening to you?" Jennie was on the verge of crying. "Y-you've suddenly changed. You-"
"So, it really is true?" Lisa scoffed. She aggressively wipe her tears away. "You broke up with my brother so you could be with Jungkook?"
"Is that what it is?" Lisa shouted. "Because that's what the rumors are saying, Jisoo."
"I trusted you! I-" She stopped talking and close her eyes for a couple of seconds. Like calming herself not to burst out.
"No, I still trust you, unnie." Her eyes was fixated on me. Those loving eyes that stings to my heart right now.
I can clearly see that she's hurting a lot but she's having hope. Hope that she's seeking in my eyes as I stare at her back.
"Tell me, its not. Please." She softly uttered. "Please, unnie."
I just blankly stare at her and didn't utter a word.
"What? You guys broke up?" Jennie gasped. "I thought you guys were just in a big fight these past few days. When? Why? How-"
"Tell me, unnie." Lisa whimpered. "Tell me, its not true." She walked closer to me and grabbed both of my hands and clasped it to hers.
I remained still. My gaze then met at Jennie and Chae behind who was patiently waiting for my answer, too.
Then, an idea got into my mind.
I decided to let this fucking rumor be the opportunity to let them be away from me. I got no other choices left.
I slowly brushed off Lisa's hands away from mine.
I saw Lisa took a step back.
She couldn't believe it. Like she knows what my gesture could be the answer to her pleading.
Her knees weaken as she stumble on the ground. She started weeping uncontrollably as I just looked down at her.
She looked up at me and shake her head repeatedly, muttering and pleading to deny all the rumors down.
"I need to go." I stated. My voice sounded cold and aloof.
I turned my back at them and never looked back. I still hear them continuously calling me but I didn't answer.
Instead, I just keep walking away.
Away from them.
And maybe, away from our friendship, too.