Darn it! Amelia didn't mean to say that out loud. Somehow it just happened. There was just something about this gorgeous man that made her want to bare her soul to him. It was just the way he listened and the way he appeared to consider her every word, like they were valuable. He made her feel as if she could tell him anything.
She saw the way his eyes darted at her. It was a look that said he wanted to know more, but he wasn't going to pry. Instead, he was meticulously dicing garlic.
She sighed internally.
"Sorry," she ventured.
"For?" He replied with a raised eyebrow.
"Well...It was just a memory, I didn't mean to sound so sad."
"Li, you don't have to apologize for being sad."
"I know, but these memories, these bad memories are cropping up way too often when I'm with you."
She gave the pasta a stir and turned to face him.
"There are some things that I try to bury, but sometimes..."
She paused to take a deep breath.
"Sometimes they catch me off guard and I don't know how I'll react. I can either deflect them or face them."
"Do you want to share the memory?" he asked tentatively.
She inhaled deeply, "It's nothing too big, but at the time, I felt hurt that the person I was with didn't know me at all."
"How so?" he questioned.
"Well, I always had to remind him of the things I liked, he just won't ever get them right. Maybe he didn't think them important enough to remember, or he didn't care. Once at dinner with this parents, his mom asked me if spring was a good time for an event. He jumped right in and declared that spring was my favorite season. The whole time I sat there wondering, when did I ever gave him the impression that I liked spring best?"
Chase chuckled.
"That's probably why I felt the need just now to clarify that I liked fall best."
Chase put the knife down and shortened the distance between them.
"Come here," he said taking her hand.
He led her over to the small breakfast table and pulled out a chair. He sat down and pulled her onto his lap. His arms wrapped around her and gathered her against his chest.
"Everyone has traumatic memories. You shouldn't feel bad about them, especially not with me and I think I know you quite well. I learn new things about you all the time."
She twisted to face him and he maneuvered her so that she was straddling him.
"I don't want you to feel like my past is always hanging over our relationship."
"I don't feel that way. Do you?"
He brushed her bangs aside and allowed his fingers to gently life her chin so she was looking directly at him.
She didn't know how to truthfully answer his question. She lowered her gaze because she couldn't look him in the eye. A part of her did feel that she was letting her past affect the way she was with him. It was so frustrating, she wanted to scream.
He was good. What they had together was good. How she wished she could allow herself to enjoy it. Why did she always have to be on edge? Why couldn't she just trust faith? Why did she allow one dreadful man to ruin anything good she might have with someone who loved her?
"Do you feel that way?" He asked again.
His voice had gone all dark and intense. In it she knew that there was no way she could not answer his question.
Her eyes locked with his and she saw desperation in his. She knew he would try to fix her. It was the way he was.
"I do," she admitted.
She pushed against his chest and made an attempt to get off his lap.
It was a failed attempt. He locked his hands on her hips and pulled her closer to him. She was pressed against him in a most intimate way. She felt heat forming at all the places where their bodies touched.
"We can change that," he said darkly.
His head bent and he brushed his mouth against her lips.
"How?" She whispered.
"With time and trust."
She sighed a small puff of air. Trust. There it was. He always managed to hit the nail on the head. She didn't know if she could trust anyone one hundred percent. She always needed to be in control in order to protect herself.
"Trust me Lia, I would never hurt you."
She didn't know why but his words caused something inside her to reverberate with panic. She suddenly wanted to get out of his grip. It was an irrational feeling, given the time she'd already spent with him and the things she'd already allowed him to do to her body. Things that she thoroughly enjoyed. Things that she would do again.
His mouth was hot as he placed kisses on her neck. She couldn't help but arch into him. His hands went under her sweater, unsnapping her bra and cupping her breasts firmly.
"Give me control baby. I promise nothing but pleasure," he said in her ear.
She felt herself sinking into that warm feeling of erotic bliss. His fingers had found the tips of her breasts. He manipulated them until they hardened in his hands. She gasped when he squeezed.
His mouth was on hers, kissing her into oblivion and she allowed herself to become lost in his taste.
He broke the kiss and left her panting.
"Say yes Amelia," he begged.
"Chase...I don't..."
"Baby, just say yes, please. Nothing but pleasure," he reminded her.
"What would you do exactly? I need to know."
"If you know before it happens, then you're still in control."
He lifted her sweater and lowered his head to her aching nipples. He captured one with his mouth and pulled slowly, causing her to rub herself against his hardness. She could feel his length, hot and ready right against her center.
"Trust me baby,"
He opened his mouth wider, sucking harder, making her moan loudly.
"Say yes baby."
"Okay," she panted, "yes, I'll try."
"I won't hurt you, I swear,"
"Okay," she said again, unsure of what was going to happen next.
Whatever it was, she'd agreed to it with the blind hope that she wasn't making a mistake. Trust was a hard thing to just hand over to someone. There was so much at stake and when lost, it sometimes cannot ever be built again.
But this was Chase, a part of her said. He's good, he's shown you all the things that you believed to be impossible, like love, like feeling wanted, like a possible happy future. Let go just this once, she instructed herself.
Hello all,
Here is a new chapter for your enjoyment.
- XOXO