Luna~
"Oh my god, Christian, stop moving so much," I say trying to balance myself on top of his shoulders. I'm trying to put the star on top of the tree and he couldn't just get a chair to put it up there.
"You two are something else," Alecia tells us as she watches from the couch.
"Okay, there." He backs away faster than I would've liked. He stands next to the couch, crouching down before letting go of my legs and making me fall back onto the cushions. I sit up, shaking my head. I could've gotten down like a normal person.
He holds his hand out for me to take. He pulls me up to my feet as we look at the tree. I insisted that we get a tree because how many times are we going to be in Wisconsin while it's Christmas? Probably only this year. And you can't have Christmas without a tree. And it's snowing, so even better. It was incredibly hard to find a tree so late in the season, but we found one, and it's perfect. And I love it.
"Oh, I want a picture of all of you," Alecia says getting up, "Boys, you too."
"Mom, we're not five," Cam says dreading the fact that she wants a picture right now.
"Dude, get in front of the tree," Collin tells him.
She takes a few pictures, "Thank you, boys." She takes a few pictures of just Christian and me.
Once we were done taking pictures, Christian put on Elf as Alecia and I made hot chocolate for everyone. I'm thinking this will be a tradition for years to come. Watching Christmas movies on Christmas Eve and enjoying each other's company. It might not always be in Wisconsin, which is fine, but as long as I get to do this with my second favorite family. That's fine with me.
I hand everyone a mug while Alecia hands them a bowl of popcorn. I turn the rest of the lights off before sitting down next to Christian. He puts the blanket over me as I snuggle into him.
"We'll see you guys in the morning," Alecia says as they all start heading upstairs.
I put all the dishes in the sink so I can do them in the morning before Alecia and I start cooking for dinner. Christian hands me another mug and I rinse it out before setting it down in the sink.
"You and mom are the absolute cutest together," he says making me grin.
"She's the best."
He smiles, "Yeah, she's pretty great. What time is dinner?"
"I told my family 6."
"Who's all coming?"
"Trin, Matt, Micah, my dad, Isaiah, Amanda, possibly Megan, and my mom didn't give me a for sure answer. She said 'okay' and nothing more."
"That's probably a yes."
"Let's hope."
We go around and shut off the lights and make sure everything is locked before heading upstairs and getting into bed. "She'll come tomorrow."
"You think so?"
"She's not going to miss Christmas."
"You'd be surprised how many she's missed. What's one more?"
"That was the past."
I dry my hands so I can go open the door for my family. I let my dad, Isaiah, and Amanda in and hug all of them. "The house looks amazing," Amanda tells me.
"Thank you."
They make their way in and I see Matt's car pull into our driveway. Okay, one more person. One more.
They make their way up to the house with Micah and a couple of different dishes in Trin's hand. She hands me a dish for me to take so her hands aren't as full. She follows me into the kitchen and sets the food down. "Hey, have you heard from mom?" I ask, messing around with my rings.
"No. Why? Is she not coming?"
"I don't know. I told her we were doing dinner at six and I got 'okay' for an answer."
"I don't see why she doesn't come."
She walks away from me and I keep myself busy in the dining room so I don't have to think about it. I watch Christian, my dad, his brothers, and Trinity go downstairs as the rest of them sat around in the living room.
The doorbell rings just as we were about to start eating. I back my seat out and go over to the door. Once we all sat down, I gave up on my mom coming. I open the door seeing my mom, standing out there. I wish I could say I was thrilled to see her. I'm happy she made it. Not happy that she's late and acting as nothing happened.
"Everyone is at the table. I can take your jacket."
I walk to our room where we've been keeping everyone's jacket. I just need a minute to myself. At least she's here, right? She could've just not shown. I don't know if I've been at a family dinner with her in years. And I think this is the first time in years that my dad and her will be in the same place for a few hours. So her not showing was okay with me, I think.
I make my way back downstairs and make eye contact with Trin and Christian. He knows I was worried about this. If she did or didn't show, I was still worried. I sit back down in between Christian and my mom, hoping nothing stupid comes from her mouth.
"There's my little munchkin," my mom says coming up to me, my dad, and Micah as I held him.
She takes him from me as if I wasn't busy holding him. Strike one. My dad notices my annoyance and tries to take him back.
He takes him from my mom and she crosses her arms. "So between us three," she starts, "Did he pay for all of this?" Strike two.
"I'm sorry, what?" I say.
"Catherine, that's not appropriate."
"What? I'm just asking as her mother, I want to know."
Fine. "No, we both did."
"Wow, that's impressive."
"Why is that so impressive? Because I don't make as much as he does?" I say, keeping my voice down.
"Well, yeah. I mean, we all know you're just in this for the looks and money." Strike fucking three.
"Catherine, I think you should go," my dad tells her, stepping in between us. He knows our relationship is rocky. And now, it's even rockier.
"Dave, it's the truth."
"No, it's not and you know that. For once, be happy for her."
My dad turns and hands me Micah, "Catherine, you should go." I step away from them because I want no part in this. She doesn't know what Christian and I have because she never comes around. She'll never know now. I'm done with her.
I go to our room with Micah and bounce him around, "Your grandma doesn't deserve your sweet presence, little one."
He looks up at me with his big brown eyes, "She deserves nothing. Not you, not me, nothing."
"I love you like you're my own, Micah. That's why your momma made me your god-momma. Me and your Uncle Christian are your godparents and we wouldn't want to do it for anyone else. Don't you ever let your grandma treat you the way she treats me, okay? You deserve everything life has to give you. Don't let her take it away from you like she did to me."
I hold him close to me as I continue to bounce him around in a circle. "Honey, your mom left if that's what you needed," Alecia says knocking before coming into our room.
"Oh, okay. Thank you for letting me know."
"I'm going to overstep right now, but if you ever want to talk to me or call me anytime. I will pick up. I can be that mother figure in your life if you want me to be. I have no problem doing that. I've always wanted a daughter too."
"Really?"
"Yes. I would love to."
I hug her, "Thank you."
"Hon, it's really no problem at all. I love you like you're my own. We're family."
"And isn't he a little cutie," she says.
"He's pretty cute, that's for sure."
"Are you okay?" Christian asks me as I cleaned up in the kitchen. He's been waiting until his family goes to bed so he can ask. He's kept me in his sight the entire time.
I look up from the sink and put the sponge down. He stands across from me at the island. "I don't know why I expected today to be perfect."
"Once it was six and she wasn't here, I was okay with that. I was fine with her not coming. And then when she got here, I didn't know whether to be happy or upset. Because of course, I wanted her here. It's Christmas. And families should be together on Christmas. Because some people don't get that privilege. Dinner was great. I really thought that's how the rest of the night was going to be. I just don't know how someone would say something incredibly false right to their own daughter's face."
"Someone jealous of who you've become without them, says things to hurt the person they are jealous of."
"I've tried so hard to fix it between us but I can't anymore."
"Then don't. Stop bending yourself over backward just to fix something that's unfixable."
"I want to believe that is fixable. But I know it's not and that fucking sucks."
"What'd my mom say?"
I smile at the thought of his mom. Such an amazing human and woman. "She said that I can call her anytime and that if I wanted, she'd be that mother figure in my life that I don't have."
He smiles, "She stopped me and your sister from going upstairs and said, 'she needs a mom right now' and then she went upstairs."
She knew what I needed and did just that. In the 27 years that I've been alive, my mom has never thought about what I needed. I've known this woman for a little over a year and she's already a better mom than my own. If only I could've experienced that for the past 27 years of life.
"Can I ask what she said?"
"I don't really want to repeat it."
"Okay, that's fine."
"I'm done with her. If I happen to see her, that's fine, but I'm not going to try anymore."
"That's okay."
Christian comes over and hugs me, "Whatever she said, I know that you know it's not true. And if anything, you know that you're family with us."
I bring a blanket outside with me as I just wanted to hear the waves crash beneath me. I'm so glad to be back in Malibu. It's unbelievably calming to me. The whole vibe of the city and the ocean is something I tend to miss more than I think I would.
I've received numerous phone calls and texts from my mother and haven't answered a single one. I don't care how sorry she is. I'm done. Now some of my family, Trin, thinks I should hear her out, but that's just not going to happen. You'd have to physically restrain me to get me to talk to her.
I just can't even comprehend why my mom thinks that I wouldn't help out with the house. I'm not going to push it all off on Christian even when it was his idea. That's not how I was raised to think. From what I know, only my dad knows what my mom said to me. And I plan to keep it that way.
Unfortunately, I'm always going to be the black sheep to her. The daughter that's not good enough because I called her out when I found out she was doing drugs. The daughter that asked for too much because I had to keep myself busy to keep her out of my life. The daughter who would've rather been at a sports practice, or at work, or even at school, than be at home with her. The daughter who left and never looked back when she was 19. To think I'm still dealing with this shit years later is unbelievable.
I hear the sliding door open and see Christian coming out with another blanket. He sits down next to me and hands me my phone. "It was ringing again."
I look to see who it was and by no surprise, it's my mom, again. I lean my head on him, "When do you think she'll get the hint that I don't want to talk to her."
"I don't know. You have to think that she'll realize that you're not going to answer."
"It's been almost two weeks and it seems like I get hourly texts and calls."
"Look at me," he says and I do. "If you want, I will be there if you do decide to call her."
"I'll keep it in mind."
"Why don't you come work out with me tomorrow. Gives you something to do. Get your mind off of things."
"And do your workout?"
"Well, if you want to, yeah. But they have a bunch of courts and you could bring a net down."
"Okay, deal."
Christian opens the door and I walk through the door and wait for him. "Christian! Nice to see you back here," some guy says coming up to us.
"Hey, man. Are the courts open?"
"Of course."
"Can a net be put down for her to use?"
"Yeah, of course," he turns to me, "You play volleyball, I assume?"
"Yeah. High school and college."
"She left out the fact that she was a state champion and played for two top schools," Christian adds.
"Oh, yeah? What schools?"
"Wisconsin for one year and USC for three more."
"Damn, top schools for sure. Yeli, why don't you get going on the treadmill to get your blood flowing."
"Already making me do stuff and it's not even eight."
"Get going."
"I'll come find you when I'm done," Christian says.
Christian heads over to the treadmill as I follow the guy, Blake, back to the courts. My mouth drops at the sight of these courts. Shiny hardwood floors, multiple courts with dividers in between each. "This court okay?"
"Yeah."
I slide my kneepads on as he lowers the net down. "There's a ton of balls in the storage closet and also some different machines if you wanted to use those."
"Awesome, thank you."
He walks away and I finish tying my shoes and putting my AirPods in so I can zone out. It's not often where I get to go back to what I love. I go find those extra balls and pull out the serve receive machine so I can start off with what my body knows.
I load the machine up with balls and set the time so it gives me enough time in between balls to get them up and down on the other side of the court.
I get set, waiting for a ball to come at me and make a good enough pass to get me started. Not terrible for being five years out of my collegiate career. I set it up for myself and hit the ball down across the court.
I go for a few more rounds, refilling the machine in between rounds and going right back over to the other side of the court, getting some reps in. I take a break and grab my water bottle and phone. More texts from my mom show up.
Mom: Honey, please. Talk to me.
Mom: I didn't mean it.
Mom: I regret what I said.
Me: Stop calling and texting me. Take the hint.
I turn my music up to the loudest volume and drown out everything going on and get back to it. I pick up the ball next to my feet and go over to the wall and hit the ball against it.
I see Christian come in and I take my AirPod out so I can hear him. "C'mon let me see a round."
"Fine."
He hands me some balls and I fill the machine up. "I'll start it up." I put my earbud back in give him a thumbs-up to let him know that I'm ready. I've done about seven of these and my arms are absolute toast.
I set the ball up and hit it to the back corner, just feet from where he was standing. I see the look on his face as I notice the next ball comes flying at me. I keep going until I'm out of balls and I lay out on the court and hold my hands above my head.
Christian comes over by me and stands over me. He holds his hands out and I take them. I take my AirPods out, "I think I did eight of those."
"Yeah, I know. I was watching you."
"I just did all that even though you were watching me?" I say completely out of breath.
"Yeah. That was incredible though. I wish I could've seen you play. I don't think you ever let a ball drop."
We walk over to where my bag is and I take off my shoes and knee pads. "You wanna get coffee and stop by mom's?" Christian asks as I look at my phone.
Mom: I'll always be your mom, no matter what.
Mom: You'll come around. I know you will.
I clear the messages, "Yeah, let's do it."
"Honey, how are you?" Alecia asks as we sit outside while Christian is inside with Cam.
I shrug, "I'm okay. I'm working through it."
"Have you heard anything?"
"Almost hourly."
She laughs as if I'm joking. "No, seriously, I get either a text or a phone call hourly." I show her my phone and all of the missed calls and text messages that I've read, but haven't responded to.
"You weren't kidding. Have you thought about calling her?"
I sigh, "Yeah. I just don't really want to."
"That's okay, hon."
"Is it though?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
"Now, did he drag you to the gym this morning?"
I laugh, "No. He suggested it and I went with him and did my own thing."
Christian walks out with the dogs following him and Cooper jumps up into my lap. Christian sits down next to me, "Did she tell you she killed it while we were there?"
"No, she did not."
I shake my head, "He's exaggerating."
"I am not."
She laughs, "You two are just perfect for each other. I'm convinced you are."
Christian and I share a small look and both smile. That's what we're hoping for, right. Maybe not perfection, but eternity.