Suji~
So, we're back to square one.
I'm confused again because Taehyun's words were very contradicting. He regrets that something happened between us in Busan, but then he says he loves me?
Why are you shaking me up like this again, Kang Taehyun?
Few moments later, I hear heavy knocks on the door. It shook me up a bit since I'm home alone, but I finally built the courage to answer it. Plus, Yina still lives here so it could just be her.
"I can't do it." Taehyun and I made eye contact once the door opened. My heart stopped even tho I saw him just a few hours ago. So much for a farewell...
"Do what?" I began blinking fast.
"Being far away from you again... I can't do it. Not anymore." He took my hand in his and gave it a gentle kiss.
"How about Dabin?" I moved away, a bit taken aback by his gestures. I already explained to him earlier at the hospital why we can't be like this... which part of that did he not understand?
"For once, I'll be completely selfish. I want you all to myself, so fucking badly. I've been a complete asshole to Dabin, and there's nothing I can do that could justify what I've done... I'll eventually have to tell her the truth. Once she gets better, I promise I will."
"I don't want to be your secret. Not now, not ever." I sighed.
"I know... I'm sorry," Taehyun walked closer to me until my back hit the wall. He grabbed both my hands, placing them both over my head. "I'm in love with you."
"You have a girlfriend and it's not me." I gazed into his eyes, which are filled with desperation.
It's so hard when you're the reason why I'm miserable, but also why I'm happy.
"I don't give a damn." His lips suddenly crashed onto mine and my whole body began to feel hot allover. He then placed them onto my neck, sucking my sweet spot to mark me his. The hickeys from Busan haven't even healed yet, and he's already marking over them.
"Do you know how Yina sees me? She lost all her respect in me. I'm disgusting to her... and will to a lot of other people if they find out what we've been doing." A tear fell down my face, followed by more until there were no end to it.
"Who cares?" He lightly pulled me by the wrist towards my bedroom, but I yanked my arm away and stood back.
"I care! Didn't you just hear what I said? I don't want to! I don't feel good about myself, I don't feel good about any of this..." I suddenly felt so small. I can't even look at him anymore. "Taehyun, what do you actually want from me?"
___________________________
Taehyun~
"Taehyun, what do you actually want from me?"
I fucked up.
I never want Suji to feel like I'm taking advantage of her, or that I'm invalidating her opinions and choices. I clearly crossed the line today.
So much for trying to make her feel better, I made the situation much worst.
"I want to be with you, that's all I want. I want to marry you, once you're ready." I carefully told her and she closed her eyes while letting out a large exhale.
"I've always wanted to hear those words from you... but why does it sound so wrong?"
"Because you're not willing to accept it, that's why..." I pulled her into my arms and gently patted her back, while she cried on my chest. "I hope you can accept me one day."
"I want to. I really do." Suji wrapped her arms around my waist, and we just stayed like that for a while.
"I'm sorry for putting you through all of this." I wiped the tears off her face.
If I didn't force myself to move on so quickly, I wouldn't have hurt either Suji or Dabin.
___________________________
Song: TOMORROW X TOGETHER (투모로우바이투게더) — Love Sight (널 보면 시간이 멈춰 어느 순간에도)