Christian~
I listen to the dial tone as I try to call Luna. I know her plane landed more than a couple of hours ago so she should be answering me. Her voice message starts to play and I wait for the beep as I listen to her soft, sweet voice. Beep
"Hey, can you just call me? I'm just really confused, I guess. I don't want things to end. Even if you did say we're taking a break. I don't want things to end. When I said clear your head, I didn't mean this. I love you so much and I want to help. I'm just having a hard time understanding why you couldn't just talk to me. It's us. Just you and me. That's all. I love you and I'm not going to stop. When you get the chance, please call me."
I set my phone down on the island and stare ahead. This wouldn't have happened if Corey would've just stayed out of it. Or maybe we should've just kept things under the radar.
I grab my keys and phone and decide to finally go work out. I just need to blow off some steam. And a lot of it.
"Dude, your gonna hurt yourself. Stop right now," Ryan tells me as I pull up the last deadlift but struggle to do so. I drop it on the mat and hold my hands over my head and walk away.
"What is going on with you?"
"I'm fine."
"No, you aren't. Sit down and have a drink of water."
"When did you turn into my older brother?"
"The day you got to Milwaukee. What's going on?"
I drink some of my water before answering him, "We're on a break right now and I don't know if that means we broke up or what. She left for Scottsdale this morning to be with her dad before Spring Training starts."
"Wait, what? When did this happen?"
"This morning after I got back I went to grab these clothes and found a piece of paper on my bedside table. It was just her saying that she needs a break to get her head on straight and figure shit out. That whole thing at the softball game messed her up. I knew she wasn't going to be okay but I didn't expect this."
"Did you call her?"
"Yeah before I left. She didn't answer so she was probably out with her dad."
"Keep calling because I don't care what either of you thinks, you two are made for each other. I've seen it for the past few months while she's been out here. The kids love her and so does Larisa. Don't give up on her."
"I'm not. She needs her space and I'm gonna give that to her. Just not too much because I'm too afraid she won't come back."
"She'll come back. Did he ever say anything else?"
"Corey?" he nods, "Just a stupid apology that neither of us bothered to accept."
"Good. You shouldn't have. That was so idiotic and selfish of him to do."
"Yeah, I'm just hurt, I guess. She didn't hint at this at all and left. She told me she was leaving but not like this."
"She's strong, she'll figure it out."
"I hope you're right."
"When am I wrong?" I push his shoulder and we both laugh.
"Now stop trying to hurt yourself. They don't need you hurt going into the season."
"Yeah, I know. I just needed to blow off some steam."
"I understand but you don't need to get hurt." He stands up and looks at me, "Well, come on Yeli, these weights aren't going to lift themselves."
I roll my eyes slightly and pick up a set of weights and get after it again.
"I don't know mom. She's gotta figure some stuff out and talk to some people and I'm going to let her. The past year hasn't been easy for her and I'm going to respect her decision even though it pains me to do so."
"Honey, I know it hasn't been easy for her. She's one of the best girls you've brought around. I love her and you know I don't say that often."
"I know and that's why I'm not gonna stop figuring it out. I feel like you're a new person almost after being with her. She brings out the best in you."
"She's just not the same after the softball game."
"Would you expect her to be?"
"No, not at all. I just didn't expect to come home to a note saying we're taking a break and that I didn't get a say in this decision. I'm not mad. I'm just confused. I thought we were fine. But if it's what she needs to do, then I'm going to let her. I know she would do the same if I was in a similar position."
"You guys will figure it out. I know you will."
I nod. I should probably try to call her again. She has to know that I'm not going to stop. I will keep calling until she answers. I just want some answers.
Luna~
"Honey, I'm heading out. You can take my car if you need to go anywhere. I'm gonna take Amanda's," my dad says standing in the doorway of my childhood room that hasn't changed since the day I left. I'm not taking any of this too well. It was completely my decision, but I had to do this. It doesn't help that I'm sick too. Probably just allergies but I still don't feel good.
"Okay, I'll be here most likely."
He smiles, "Hey, call him back. You know you want to." Yeah, I do but I'm just gonna cry.
"I'll be back."
"Okay." He closes my door and I reach for my phone. It turns on I stare at the picture of us at the World Series. I still haven't changed it and probably won't. I open my phone and see I have a voicemail. I guess I'll listen to it.
Hey, can you just call me? I'm just really confused, I guess. I don't want things to end. Even if you did say we're taking a break. I don't want things to end. When I said clear your head, I didn't mean this. I love you so much and I want to help. I'm just having a hard time understanding why you couldn't just talk to me. It's us. Just you and me. That's all. I love you and I'm not going to stop. When you get the chance, please call me.
Damn it. I stare at his contact and notice the heart by his name that is been there since our first actual date. I really hope he isn't busy because we'll just be playing phone tag until who knows when.
The continuous ringing starts to give me no hope that he'll pick up. The ringing stops, "Hey," Christian says immediately as he picks up. I missed hearing his voice.
"Hi." We both fall silent. "Why'd you call?"
"You told me to," I say sniffling.
"You okay?"
"Emotionally or physically?"
I hear him laugh and can almost see the smile form on his face, "All of the above."
"I'm a little sick right now. Emotionally and mentally, yeah, I don't know what's going on up there. I'm all over the place. I'm really messed up right now and I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. I just want you to figure your shit out first. However long it takes, I'll be here. I just wanted to make sure you landed safely and you were somewhat okay."
"Yeah, somewhat okay."
"Do you need anything?"
"No," I say quickly, "I'm good. But thank you."
"Hey, I'm always going to be here. I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you." Oh, god, here come the tears. It's like we both want to address what I wrote but neither of us has the heart to do so.
He takes a deep breath, "Well, I'll let you go. Feel better. Let me know if you need anything. I might be heading out a little bit earlier than I thought."
"Okay. I'm sorry, again," I say before hanging up before he has the chance to say those three words that I miss hearing but I can't right now.
I won't lie, it was so nice to hear his voice again. But it was also so hard to hear his voice. I want to think I made the right decision but did I? Trin's probably right, I am going to regret this. He'll probably end up finding someone way better than me because I can't get straight, mentally.
A week later
"I figured I'd find you here," a voice says from behind me. I hold the ball in my hand and turn around to see Cody standing about ten feet from me across the net. I booked out a volleyball court so I could just get my mind off of things and go back to what I love to do.
"I'm mad at you." But we both know I can't stay mad at him for long.
"I know. Why are you here?"
"I thought I'd come early and scope out the Spring Training complex."
"A whole three weeks early? Where's Christian?"
I take a few steps toward him as he walks underneath the net. "Christian isn't out here yet. He'll probably be here in a week. I don't know."
"Why don't you know? You're dating him?" He seriously doesn't know? Did nobody tell him?
I sigh and look down at the ball I'm holding, "We are on a break."
"Why? Because of Corey?"
"It was my decision and I'm the one who broke the news to him. I didn't really give him a say. And because I need to get my head on straight."
"That's fair. I didn't expect that."
"I didn't either but I think it's best for me to just be alone right now and figure out where my head is at. Corey made things complicated and I feel so bad for Christian. Corey doesn't know about this break, right?"
"Unless Trinity told him. Obviously, I didn't know. So I assume he doesn't."
"Good, let's keep it that way too. Because I don't need him and John Legend to be showing up at my dad's doorstep to propose to me, again."
"Wow, John Legend? Impressive."
"That's what you got out of all of that?" I say throwing the ball at him softly.
He catches it, "Here, I know you still got it in you." He tosses the ball up in front of the ten-foot line, right near the net. Out of reflex I jump up and hit the ball down. "Automatic kill right there," he says as the ball bounces on the floor and starts to roll away.
"You still got it."
"I've had better days."
"For 26, almost 27," he nudges me and I brush it off, "Still pretty damn good."
"Ugh, don't remind me."
"A couple more weeks."
I go sit down on the small bleachers set up and pull my kneepads down to my ankles. "How's Ash and Kurt?" I ask trying to sideline the conversation we were having.
"They're good. They love their baby girl. She's the best and I love being Uncle Cody."
"It'd fit you well."
"You can't be getting any ideas, okay?"
"Yeah, because I'm totally ready to be a mom at 26. The person who does not have their life together definitely wants a baby right now."
"I'm just saying."
"You know, you and Trin will fight over that baby whenever that does happen."
"I'm aware and I will make sure your baby knows the Uncle Cody is so much better than Aunt Trin."
"Okay, this is freaking me out now."
He laughs and sits down by me, "I love you like you're my own sister. I definitely deserve you being mad at me, but I know you'll get over it. If you have any doubts about you and Christian, I know sometime in the future you'll end back together. We aren't stupid and we all see what you guys got going on. Keep your head up, okay. Do you want to get out of here? Let's go get something to eat."
I hug him tight and we sit there for a while just like that. I kick off my shoes after we stopped hugging and find my slides out of the bag that I brought with me.
"Remember when you hit Tuck in the face," he says laughing as we walk out of the gym and toward his car.
"He was in the way."
"He just didn't know how to play."
"That's fair."
"We taking my car?" he asks unlocking the doors.
"Sure. Let me put my stuff in mine though." I grab a different shirt that I had in my car and quickly change into that before I get into Cody's car.
"Did he ever give you an explanation? Because I've got nothing except an apology that neither Christian nor I will be accepting. and it's been about three weeks since that whole thing," I say finishing up my drink.
"Not a good one."
"What was it?"
He laughs, "That night we went back to my place and he immediately went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. I don't know how many he had, but around ten he was like 'I fucked up. I don't know why I keep doing this. I need to leave them alone. But I still love her and I get her out of my head.' He was drunk. Like out of his mind drunk. I just kind of listened and didn't say anything since he probably wouldn't remember anything in the morning. We talked last week and he was going to send like a card or something but I told him not to since one, that's cheesy as hell, and two, like do you really think that's going to fix things?"
"Unbelievable. I still don't get it. I tried to come up with a bunch of excuses as to why he would do it but none made me think, 'yeah, that's the one.' He was stupid and idiotic."
"He knows he's both of those things. He wants to talk to you. But he knows that you probably won't."
"I think I have a pretty good reason not to though."
"You do. Also, I think it was pretty ballsy of you to put the box back in his hand."
"Yeah and somehow still ended up at the house. I had to look at it the next day since it was sitting on the counter. I pretty much made an excuse to get away by saying I was going for a run, which I did, I just stopped a few houses down and cried because I was so stressed and pissed off and hungover."
"Hungover?"
"Yeah, I went to this restaurant on the coast and had a few too many drinks. I went back to the house drunk and crying."
"Christian didn't tell me that."
"He probably didn't want to relive that and neither do I. I was a mess that night. It was like 1:30 when I went back to the house."
"And you were driving?"
"Yeah, not the brightest decision I've made."
"I could've dropped you off. I was awake dealing with a drunk, sad Corey."
"No, I was very mad at you then. Not so much anymore since I can't stay mad at you for long."
"I know you can't."
I nudge him with my foot under the table and laugh. "I think that was the longest I've been mad at you though. Three weeks, that's a long time."
"What about when I got drafted?"
"I got over that quick though. I was just mad you were leaving me. I was so proud of you just pissed I wasn't going to be close to you anymore."
"Yeah, but look at us now. You're doing what you love. I'm doing what I love. Everything is perfect now. Everything has fallen into place, just how we imagined when we were little."
"We had some pretty big dreams but our hard work paid off, didn't it?"
"We're both World Series champs. You have made yourself be one of the best sports reporters in the league," I shake my head as he continues, "This past year has been a bit crazy, in the best way though."
"The good has outshined all of the bad that has happened too."
Although all of the bad has caused some minor mental breakdowns I can't not recognize everything good that has happened. Between my job that is everything and more, I've dreamed of doing, all the way to Christian. As much as I don't like to think about him, right now at least, he's given me the best four and a half months of dating and nine months of friendship. I have to recognize that. I never thought I would find my person after seeing my parents split. And then I did find my person nine months ago. I thought Corey would be my person, but he's not. It's Christian. It's always going to be Christian. He understands me. Unlike Corey, who always listened, just didn't really get the feel as to what I was talking about. Corey has shown that he is jealous. Way more jealous than I thought he was.
"It's been pretty good."
"Hey, hon, where have you been?" my dad asks me as I walk into the kitchen after getting back from a late lunch with Cody.
"Cody and I went to get lunch after I did an hour-long session at the gym."
"Hitting the ball around?"
"Yeah, had to get back to my roots."
"How was Cody? I just saw his parents the other day, but haven't seen him in a few months. World Series probably."
"He's good. He's doing really well."
"Good. How are you doing?"
"Uh, good, I guess. I don't know. Kind of scatter-brained."
"That's okay. When do you start going back to work?"
"I don't technically start until next Tuesday but I'm gonna head in, in a few days to scope everything out and get my stuff set up. I've never been to the complex before so I want some kind of idea before I start."
"Are you staying here while you guys are out here?"
"Yeah, is that okay?"
"Yeah, of course. I head back to Milwaukee in a couple of weeks. But you have a key and both cars stay here while everyone is out in Milwaukee. Are you sure about the daily drive? It's only a half-hour but still, every day?"
"It's fine. I'd rather do the drive than have to worry about an apartment."
"Or you can fix things with Christian and stay with him."
"Very funny, dad. That will happen when it needs to."
"Thought I'd give it a try."
I look around my new, smaller area of an office and just think. New season. New guys. New city that I haven't worked in. Still on a break with Christian. And yet everything still feels like it's going to fall into place, which is great, but when? When is my head going to be on straight? When can I comfortably talk to Christian about everything with Corey? When will Corey stop being a dumbass? Regardless of where my head is at right now with all of that, I'm pretty damn happy we're almost back in season. It's been a long off-season. Maybe baseball is what I need to get me going again.
I've been here for the past few hours getting everything set up and running to make sure it all works. And it does, thankfully. I might as well go back home and enjoy the slight warmup happening in the Phoenix area. I sit up from my chair and head out as I close the door behind me. It's a really nice facility and I have already seen many familiar faces which brings me lots of joy.
I find the exit and start making my way out when I see Travis and Christian walking in one of the other doors. Shit, I thought he was coming next week. Has it really already been that long? My days must be messed up.
"Hey, Luna, long time no see," Travis says stopping me in my tracks as I thought I was doing an okay job of trying to 'hide' from them.
I look up and half-smile, "Hey, nice to see you too." Travis stops walking while Christian keeps going but stops further ahead to wait for him.
"What are you doing here?"
"Just looking around and getting settled in."
"See you next week for the start, right?" He either knows that Christian and I are on a break or he doesn't have a fucking clue. Either is fine with me since it's Travis and we're close. He must know since he's not making a big deal about it.
"Yeah, I'll be in and out for the next few days though."
"Well, we'll let you go. Nice to see you again."
"Yeah, you too. Bye, Christian," I say but instantly regret it. We already had that bye moment. I don't need another one. Why did my dumbass have to say that?