34 - I Have To Go Back.

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"I met Jimin when I was in high school and I fell in love at first sight. Well, at least that's what I thought at that time."

Taehyung felt his heart clench at that one line. Love at first sight, and he's  supposed to beat that?

"Jimin had lived in Busan all his life. I had just transferred school because of my father's job rotation. I was the new kid, who came in mid term and Jimin was the one appointed by the teacher to help me out."

"He caught my eye the moment I stepped in to that class room and it felt like a sign from the deity when he was paired with me. We became friends, then lovers, and finally husbands."

"We were together for about 2 years, through out high school and college. We had different passions, I was studying art and he did computer engineering. But we always found time for each other. We got married at 20, just after graduating from college and moved to Seoul. Future seemed all set for us."

"Jimin has always been meticulous and sort of calculating. He thinks from his head. And I am polar opposite. I never cared much about rules and order. I did things when I felt like doing them and stopped when I felt like stopping."

"This opposite attraction was what bound us when we were younger. He was fascinated with me and I was with him. We used to tease eachother about our habits and thought it was the cutest thing ever. But every thing changed after about one and half years of marriage."

Kookie had been speaking without stopping and Taehyung listened without interrupting. He seemed to be  lost in his past and Taehyung felt uneasy about it. Jimin indeed sounded like a great guy.

But now, Kookie's tone changed to a not so happy one and Taehyung immediately noticed it. Against his will, he was curious to know what happened to this fairytale love story.

Kookie started his story after few seconds of silence. It seemed that he needed the time to collect himself.

"Jimin was promoted as a manager for their newest project. While I was happy for him, this new position meant more time at office and lesser time at home. It had gotten so bad that on somedays, he didn't even come home."

"I was a professional painter. My paintings were auctioned and sold for quite a good price so money was never a problem for me. There wasn't an exact time that I have to finish a painting so you could say that I was as free as possible."

"I know I should have supported my husband in difficult times but his situation was beyond my understanding. He was pressured under his work but he loved every minute of it. It's just how he is. He wanted to be the best, and if our marriage was the sacrifice it required, he paid that without hesitation."

"We slowly drifted apart and neither of us really wanted to change ourselves. The opposite characteristics that felt so fascinating to us when we were younger, became the loose thread of our marriage."

"We fought a lot too, although it was mainly me. If I was really honest with myself, I would have noticed that I didn't actually fought to save our marriage. I fought to change Jimin in to a way I like. And I know he did the same."

"I once even asked him to quit his job, parading the fact that I make much more money that he did with very little effort. I knew that was very wrong of me but I couldn't accept the fact that he gave priority to his work over us."

"In a way, it was nobody's fault, we were just too different. It was simply not meant to be, I guess. He chose his work over me and I simply didn't felt the need to make him change his mind. I was happy with my art and the life by myself and that's all that mattered to me."

"We lived in the same house, but had different lives. We cared about each other, I still do, but at that point we were more like roommates rather than life partners. We just fell out of love, slowly but definitely. "

For the first time after starting his story, Kookie raised his head to look at Taehyung. The elder just gave an encouraging smile, indicating that he's ok with what he was hearing.

"But now I feel like that it might not have been the case, Tae." Kookie said with a serious tone and Taehyung furrowed his forehead in confusion.

"What do you mean, baby?"

Kookie was silent for few seconds as he pondered the best way to say what he felt.

"I feel like me and Jimin had never actually been in love."

Taehyung was surprised to hear that actually. From the way Kookie spoke about Jimin and their life, Taehyung really felt that they had a solid connection. Maybe they drifted apart later but Taehyung was sure that they were in love at one point.

"What makes you say that, Kookie?"

"Because of what I feel right now Tae, with you. If I had loved Jimin a fraction of what I hold for you, I would have fought for my marriage.  I would have fought to keep what we had between us. But I didn't. And he didn't either. It was just an infatuation. And deep down, both of us knew that."

"But you, I love you with all my heart. And I'm saying this with all my memory intact, with all the knowledge and experience that I had in my life. I love you. And I would never, ever, let you drift away from me. If there was a situation for me to choose either you or my art, I promise you, I will not touch a single brush for the rest of my life."

"I will follow you to the end of the world, and beyond. I may sound like a possessive lover when I saw this but I will never let you go. I just can't. I will work my damn hardest, in each and everyday, so that you will keep on loving me like this."

Taehyung was shocked at first with the strength of the emotions in Kookie voice but then he broke in a smile. It was not that difficult to understand as it's the exact same way he feels too.

He pulled Kookie in to his embrace again and gently stroked the younger's head. Kookie melted in to his embrace as usual, making Taehyung smile in relief.

"Well, I hope you know that I feel the exact same way."

Kookie snuggled more in to Taehyung's chest. Yes, he already knew that.

They stayed in silence for few minutes  before Kookie spoke up again.

"Tae...?"

"Hmm...?"

"You know that I have to go back right?" Kookie asked in a tentative voice and Taehyung didn't answer for that.

Kookie waited for about a minute before untangling himself from the embrace to look at Taehyung's face.

"Tae, I need to fix things with Jimin. It's been over two years that I'm here. He deserves to know what happened to me and I also want to know how he's doing."

"The memory I had about fighting was actually on the day before I had the accident. Whatever I said on that day, Jimin knows about me well enough to know that I'm not someone who would leave abruptly like that. I don't understand why he didn't try to find me. To be honest, I'm actually worried about him."

"And most importantly, I'm still married to him, Tae. I think it's about time both of us remove the ties that binds us together."

Kookie raised his both hands and cupped Taehyung's face. He looked at the elder and gave a softest smile and Taehyung couldn't help but return the smile too.

"I want to be yours, Tae. And I can't do that if I'm married to Jimin."

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