Rusger Oneshots

Angsty Whump for the Soul

"That is exactly what I'm saying, we can spend time in the office, there are so many other couples there already they wouldn't mind-"

"No. That is NOT. What I said. See, you're not listening. Again." 

He felt slightly bad when he drew out that card, frustration and sadness flashed across Germany's face immediately. But he crushed it and dug his nails deeper, looking away again.

"You know what," Germany's quiet, cold voice broke through the air between them, and he forced himself to turn back to face the near emotionless, honey gold irises that usually burnt bright and lively. "I think you're just selfish."

The quiet sentence sent a stab right through his heart. 

"You're scared, because if you go to that office, you're scared you'll have to fight over people just to get to me. While at home, you have me all to yourself." 

"Are you afraid that in the office, I act differently? Or that everyone would just be getting their things done all over me so that I don't have the time for you? Because no, I really want to make time for you, and I think, this can work. Joining my duties as a countryhuman, and my most important thing in the world. You."

His voice had become gentler as he spoke on, but Russia didn't hear it, he only felt that darkness slowly creeping up, begging for control as the words echoed in his ears. Selfish. Scared. He stood frozen, staring unseeingly at Germany until he was done, and then slowly started to talk.

"Want to know what I noticed?"

"You're obsessed with the idea of us just, moving our relationship into the office, and we can be happy as ever, like that's going to fix everything. Well, it's not."

"Why do you just want me to move there to work? I really don't think it's so we can spend time together, it's because of what you think that office means to you."

He was leaning too far, he was letting that dark part of himself take over, that part that served to protect himself, the one that would attack without any thought before he spoke out the words. Germany's face was frozen in shock, his body seemingly withdrawing into itself at every glower he was directing toward him.

"You think, that that place offers you acceptance. The only reason you go there is because you want to feel like you belong there, and that they accept you. You go there just to prove yourself. You're still trying, trying to prove to them that you're not evil and would kill them all without a thought. You're still trying to prove that you and your government wouldn't repeat everything all over again. You're trying to prove that you're not your father."

Silence. The only sound came from his heavy breathing, as the dark, red anger slowly reclined from his vision. Russia glanced down at his hands, and realized the wetness was his own blood, seeping out through the cuts made by his nails. It send a wave of horror through him as his words slowly got through his mind, and he snapped his head up to look.

How did he not notice the tears that were dripping down Germany's perfect face before? The raw pain in his eyes that he caused. Germany stood still, his wringed hands trembling slightly as he stared at him.

"I..." Russia trailed out, his mouth opening and closing, looking for his voice when the guilt started flooding in. 'I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry. I crossed the line. I'm so, so sorry-'

"Did you really mean that?" A shaky voice broke through his frantic thoughts, and he quickly shook his head, stepping forward toward him. "N-No, I didn't. I'm sorry I'm- Германия-"

"Sorry doesn't cut it this time!!" Germany shouted and backed away from his outstretched hand, tears flowing harder as the anger returned in his eyes. "You, how dare you-"