Problems With The Hierarchy

#23 Words Of Sincerity

“Listen. I’m done with him. You can play with him all you want. There are no explanations needed. Get away.” She said, serious- toned. Being persistent, I refuse to budge, or move a single inch. I just stood in front of car, with hands stretched out. “Get out of my way!” she scowled, a note of finality in her voice.”Ex-pla-na-tions.” I pronounced every syllable of the word slowly yet loudly.

She glared at me maliciously “Don’t regret this.” I heard faintly as she murmured under her breath. I kind of lip-read her. She put her hands on the steering wheel, dead serious now. She was about to step on the pedal forcefully when Joey shouted “No!” just in time. She stole a furtive glance at her right. She stopped as she sighted Joey. My blood stiffened. What was I thinking?

Joey walked up to be abruptly, wrapped her arms around my waist aggressively and pulled me out of her way. As she drove off, Joey bellowed, “Are you out of your mind? She could have killed you! She’s Annabelle; she’s capable of doing anything!” That sentence echoed through my senseless mind.

“But… I thought… she owed Richard… an explanation… for breaking up like that.” I tried to explain weakly, hands fumbling out of place, as I stared at that injured finger again. “Did he ask you to demand for an explanation?” Joey interrogated, rudely, merciless. “No…I’m.. Sorry.” The courageous Elizabeth melted at the avalanche of questions Joey tossed at me. Tears brimmed, but I fought back. Was I really that weak? Creases of worry vanished instantly from her face.

The negative thoughts invaded my mind again. This was what I referred to when I said, ‘Did you forget what Annabelle did to me’ thing in the mini-debate with Joey earlier on when she made me go to the party.

Teresa pressed her lips together and hung her head. Layers of black shiny curls fell down and hid her face. She looked down at the table for a while collecting thoughts while I allowed the flashbacks to come back again. They were such a pain in the neck! Why can’t I turn them off? I already had a bleak mood!

Eventually she lifted her head back up and pushed her hair behind her ears. “I know how you feel, because I feel the guilt, the regret. I get it.” She shook her head animatedly as she spoke.

“What?” I asked, clueless of what she was driving at.

“What happened between you and Richard, it happened to me,” she said. “I never got a chance to tell him I loved him. I crushed on him since young, we were best friends. I never acknowledged the feeling. And when he confessed to me, I didn’t tell him the truth. He got so mad he got on a plane to Singapore and never looked back.” She continued.

I lifted an eyebrow. “He’s been talking to all the other girls in my school but not me. I’ve never spoke to him since.” She finished and rubbed her temples.

“Damn,” I said. It didn’t end so smoothly.

“I never got a chance to tell him how I felt. I missed my chance. Every single day I regret not holding on to him, seize him at the right time. That’s why you I hope you don’t make the same mistake I made.”  She looked at me, serious faced.

I saw a tear trickle down her cheek. She wiped it off. Damn, I’ve never seen her so emotional. She looked strong to me, though I’ve met her for two times.

“You have faith in Richard, don’t you?” she asked rather rhetorically. “Trust him. Let your instinct bring you far. It might all be a trick Kelly played on you; maybe she guessed it or something. When she first asked you reacted like it really happened, so she was certain and spread the word.”  She analysed.

She finished the last sip of coffee in her cup and said, “I think I have to go.” And then she picked up her things left like that. Then it struck me.

The serendipities make me realise one thing.

I shouldn’t move on. I need to grab Richard, tight. I believe in him, I still do. Kelly’s words will not sway my decision. That was it.

Having the tough decision made, I picked up a pen and began writing.

Dear Richard,

It’s me, Elizabeth. I know you might not want to hear from me right now. Read this, it won’t take you long, alright?

Look, I’m genuinely sorry I turned you down that day. My heart pounded faster each step I took as I walked away from me. Since that day, I’ve never got good sleep; it was insomnia all night.

I never should have turned away. I ruined everything. I know there would be no possible way I could improve this situation.

I just want to know that I like you. I reciprocate. I deeply regret it now. If there was something I regret the most in my life, it would be turning you down. I never realised how important you were to me until I left that day.

I shouldn’t have been so judgemental. Let’s be honest. I rejected you because I never acknowledged my feelings for you. I didn’t like the fact that you were from the in-crowd, and I still don’t. After the ‘interactions’ with the ‘in-crowd’ I have held a deep grudge against the people in them. That was why I covered up all the cheesy feelings I had for you;  so I would not get involved in the in-crowd. But the harsh truth has proven me wrong. There was no way I could stay away from it. I’m still sorry I judged you, thinking you were like the others .You weren’t, there wasn’t a moment I didn’t miss you. You were on my mind, no matter how hard I try to get you off.

More than anything, I hope you will feel happy. I know it’s hard for you to give me stares, and ignoring me. Please, it’s killing me too. Every night when I shut my eyes I only reminisce. All that floods my mind are images of you, our precious memories.

I would do anything you do for you as long as I get a second chance. I’ll really do anything you please, to show my sincerity. So will you please rewind time a little?

 If what it takes for you to grant me is for me to move and give you more time to chill, I would. I will stay out of your life, but perhaps you might allow me to enter it one day. I don’t mind how long you take. I want to be with you.

Love Always,

Elizabeth Watson

A/N Hi long chapter! Next one will be longer, 3500 words on Word. Anticipate! Later. :)