Ion Heart

Chapter 36: Paper Moon

After a hellish weekend, I'm better enough to go back to school. 

Monday 2nd April 2015: Monday week four. I've been here a month. Four weeks ago, I would never have considered staying past Easter. The very idea seemed revolting. Now I'm not so sure. School gives me something to do, however meaningless the purpose may be. And, the thing is, I'm not sure I believe there's a life for me at the Avengers facility anymore. 

I don't know who I am. I'm not an Avenger or an Agent. At home I'm a Stark. At school I'm a Carter. But I could never live up to what those names mean. I'm simply a shadow. 

And no one remembers shadows. 

I wrap my winter jacket around my arms, trying to shut out the February cold as I climb into the car. 

'You know, you'll catch another virus wearing that.' Happy raise his eyebrows at my cheerleading outfit. 'Should you really be doing strenuous activity so soon?'

'I feel fine Happy.' I murmur, bringing out my Chemistry homework. Having missed most of school last week, I'm getting behind. Not in knowledge (obviously) but in actual work. I start writing as fast as I can. 

'You know, I'm sure you're teachers will understand if you hand your work in late.'

'Understanding only lasts so long Happy. I can't fall behind, there's exams at the end of the month!' I whine. 

Happy chuckles. 'And you could pass them with your eyes shut. Don't stress, it will all be ok. Just focus on getting better.'

'Thanks Happy.' I smile. 

I haven't thrown up. My skin is less pale. I am physically better.

Once we reach the school's gates, I smooth down the navy creases of my dress. The sleeves hang loosely off my shoulders and the material falls straight down my hips. I've lost more weight since last week, but it's just because I was sick. I'll put it back on.

I walk confidently into school, waving goodbye to my fake dad. No one messaged me whilst I was gone so I've probably missed a lot of gossip. I'm sure they just didn't want to bug me whilst I was ill. And Peter must have ideas from the school trip he wants to catch me up with, if he's forgiven me. He hasn't messaged either. 

'So what did I miss?' I ask Lorna during homeroom.

'Oh, em, we just had drinks at Alice's and talked about stuff.' Her eyes dart to the side. 'You know,' she says, fiddling with a strand of hair, 'like boys and things.'

I keep quiet, hoping to encourage her to talk more.

'And we started planning my birthday party.'

'Isn't that like, in a month?' I question. 

'Yeah but I want it to be perfect. I was thinking of having a big party with, like, balloons and pizza. Oh, and we're going shopping this weekend for outfits.' Lorna grins. 

'That sounds really cool.' I smile excitedly. I've never been shopping with the girls before. 

Lorna's eyes avoid my gaze. 

'Lorna? What is it?' I ask, my voice dropping. She looks at me, her eyes wavering before finally sighing loudly. 

'I'm not supposed to tell you this but you're my friend and I don't think I can keep this a secret from you.'