The Queen's Shadow

Examine Your Enemy

~~~Michael O'Brian May 21, 1951

I returned to Hans to tell him Apollos was dead, he took the information quite well. He rewarded me by killing Stacy, but not in the physical sense: He turned her into a vampire. When she touched me, her hands were cold. Her face was pale, and she had an unearthly aura about her. Why did she trade away her humanity? I couldn't save her, I knew he was holding her hostage. If I would have rejected him he would have taken it all away. If I had accepted it he would have taken it all away. All I was to him was disposable, and he knew most how to hurt me.

I haven't been able to talk to Stacy. Once she made that choice, I couldn't see her the same way. I told her about it and I told her why I didn't turn her. Being a vampire robs you of so many pleasures. You never change, you stay the same forever. The only thing that changes is your hair, it can either grow out or remain cut.

You'll never know what food tastes like again, the pleasure of eating a hot steak is gone. Yes, you can argue that tasting human blood is better because you can taste what they've eaten but nothing compares to the taste of a steak. You'll never be able to drink a cold drink again, all you'll ever taste after taking a bite out of something is just how rotten it tastes. You will never be the same. Yes, you get plenty of gifts, the strength that can rip a man in half, speed to travel to any place you want, perfect eyesight to see everywhere and see anything in the dark of night yet you'll watch everyone you know get older and older until they die. Everyone you love will die and you will say the same especially if you don't turn them. Yes, you'll be immortal but is immortality worth it especially when you'll be alone eternally?

After I packed all of my things, I felt a red tear flow down my left eye. I left in the early morning, I questioned everything I was going to do. I questioned everything but Hans was looking for some kind of confirmation that Apollos was dead and Apollos happily handed over his dog tags. It took him a second to part with them but he gave them to me. He talked to me and I gave him information but I couldn't remember it all but I gave him what I knew. I have two choices ahead of me now: Do I stay and wait for Hans to figure out that I lied, wait for Apollos to knock on his door and Hans to wring my neck before he's killed, or do I just go to the queen?

I went to his grave that said Gabriel Roberts, the grave that I walked past before I went to the estate that night. They had it made in memoriam for him when they attacked, I can't believe I met the queen. I met the woman who started the vampire race, the woman with whom Hans is going to war. Does he know how dangerous she is? I was told he fought her before but does he know? Does he know that she was probably holding back? No, does he know she was holding back? She scared me, she scares me now. That woman, that's the strongest vampire alive and her son, he has to be the kindest man I've ever met. He made sure I left out of there safely, he made sure I wasn't tortured and he got me up to full health.

I even met Jeane and the others, they were all alive. He killed most of them but he saved ten. Was he ruling them by fear or by mercy? I couldn't see anyone being afraid of him. In fact, some people were more than happy to know him. I feel the pain in my heart again, Stacy why did you make that choice even after what he did to you? If I had not interfered, he would have just killed you. I sigh, deeply and I'm happy that I left my note. I left her 20,000 dollars and a note. She'll understand it later even if she doesn't understand it now. I hope she understands that she'll be used and discarded.

I prepared myself, I took all of the core information that I had about Hans. I have a choice and I know the choice I need to make now. I need to help Apollos Morten to put an end to Hans. I was afraid to die but now that I think about it, I'm already a dead man. I go back to Hans, he has me working for him or he has a way to find me. Worse yet, he'll probably blackmail me to keep Stacy alive. Stacy, why didn't I just take you with me? I could have fought him even if I would have lost or would it have been a foolhardy sacrifice? I say goodbye to the Virginia apartment, I have my final conversations with everybody, giving them sweet little lies and I leave.