The Queen's Shadow

Goodbye...

~~~Gabriel

I woke up in our old room. I was alive? How? The last thing I remember was...I got up to look for them. I checked Adrian's room, and I saw them: Adrian and the twins. They all looked so beautiful and so peaceful. The realization hit me again like a heavyweight boxer, I'm still alive. I still have my left arm, I remembered it getting ripped off I remember getting impaled.

I looked at my arm and there was a faint glow that came in certain areas. It looks like it was a burning halo on me now, there was so much more to it but a lot of it was too dark to see. What on God's Green Earth happened to me? I stopped looking at myself, and I just looked at my children. They were all so beautiful, I put my hand gently on Adrian's head so I wouldn't wake him. His curly hair feels soft to the touch, with a unique texture all on its own. I then looked at Sophira and Gabriel, those two were so beautiful. It reminded me of what I had.

'Gabriel?' I heard her voice and I turned around slowly. It was Lilith, I looked at her body. She was battered, filthy, and looked exhausted. Yet I knew she was completely healed, the miracles of being a vampire. 'I couldn't save her Gabriel.' Her voice was completely calm but there was an air of sadness behind it. She was always calm, she always kept it together. I heard what she said and yet I still couldn't process it. All she had to do was save her, why couldn't she save her? My anger had overflowed, how could she be so powerful yet she couldn't do one simple thing?

I looked at the children, but I especially focused on Adrian. How could I tell him his mother had died? He had already experienced such a stressful situation months ago oh, I couldn't just damn him to this twice. 'Gabriel.' I heard her voice and yet I couldn't bring myself to look at her. 'I tried to save her but I couldn't.' She paused and then she resumed speaking. 'She wanted me to stop her, I made it quick if it's any consolation.' I felt something warm flow down my cheek, I remembered hearing her say please kill me. I didn't have the strength to do it right, I missed her heart entirely. I loved her too much and I couldn't see a world without her.

I know now that I have to face a world without her, and I wish I had the strength to do it myself. 'You are a good man.' The words echoed in my mind, how can I be a good man? I failed my wife, I failed my son, and I was willing to die before protecting my kids. Why did I lack the strength? 'You didn't lack anything, you were put in an impossible situation.' I couldn't look at my children, they were about to face a new world. "I should have protected her." It was all I could say, I couldn't say anything else and I didn't want to.

'Dad?' I turned as I heard his voice. The innocent voice of a child who lost so much, I kneeled down to meet my son's gaze. His face showed signs of relief, and I realized he was happy to be away from his mother. What on God's green earth happened while I was gone? I didn't bring myself to respond, I was supposed to be dead. I smiled, and then I said: "Hey kid how have you been?" My words said it all, I wasn't okay and neither was he.

'I-I... Where is Mom?' I couldn't bring myself to tell him, I couldn't tell him. He then smiled and said 'Is this a dream?' I did the unthinkable and I went with the obvious lie. This would have to be a dream, he couldn't know the truth. "What makes you think it's a dream?" He then smiled a huge cheesy grin, and said: 'because Miss Lilith is here.' I turned to meet her eyes, that matter would have to be dealt with later. I turned to meet his eyes again and said while playing with the hair on his head. "Never mind that."

Afterward, I knew time was passing by as I watched the sun peak through the window. I then hugged him and said, "I will always love you." I hugged him tightly, I knew this may be the last time.

'Dad, what's wrong?' I said nothing for a minute, I then said: "Take care of your brother and sister for me." He then did a soldier salute, and said 'I promise.' A tear went down my face, I couldn't even touch my twins because I didn't want to wake them. I then looked at Lilith, I didn't have to explain anything to her, she knew what to do. I walked out of the room and left her alone with them. What more could I say? I was barely holding it together, we all had lost something important today and I had to lie to them about what they lost. He will find out later today that his mother is dead and gone and I couldn't even tell him that. Right now he needs a beautiful lie because reality will give him a hard truth that even I can't deliver to him.