The Queen's Shadow

Understanding

~~~Lilith

May, 30,1951

A month has passed since those events,  I remember them all so clearly. I remember how strong he was, I remember how fast in brutal he was.  More importantly, I remember how quickly I ended the battle, 20% of my power was all it took. Maybe I could have used less, I haven't been able to look at his face for a while. She left a gift for me, a permanent scar on his neck. Where I decapitated him.

Apollos hasn't had any real missions, as a matter of fact, I think he's trying to understand why he's not as powerful as he was. I talked to Zamiel a few weeks ago. She said he was well over 1500 years old, she sealed two-thirds of his power away. She also said it wasn't just her, she knew he couldn't control his demons. His anger, insecurities, fears, and nightmares were brought to the forefront. In all of that I felt his anger for me.

I realize I don't know what he's capable of anymore. I don't know how strong he is, every time I try to remember most of the fight I don't. She erased my mind but not the damage she had done, as if she wanted me to know that she was that powerful.

I sit there stuck in my thoughts, no one here to stop me. I realize how alone I really am, Michael is no longer here. No one can replace him, he is one of the few people I ever loved. I hate to admit this but I can barely remember my other husband's face. I remember his thoughts I remember those passionate eyes, I remember the way he held me. I want to see him one more time even if it's in a photo.

I sit on my mattress, looking at our photos. They were so expensive back then, they still are now. In the first photo me and my husband took, I took everything related to me out of the house before I left except for a few clothes. I miss him so much, I miss how he used to hold me at night, I miss how he used to kiss me. I miss every bit of his touch, I didn't even grieve him properly. I heard a knock on the door, who was it at this hour?

I recognized the knocking, I opened the door and I was happy to see Apollos. I was happy to see my son. He smiled and said 'Hello mom,' I was happy to see him. 'Am I disturbing you?' He asked. I smiled and said "No, actually you're just in time," I slowly gestured to the bed and the photo album. His eyes were curious, he looked at the photo album, and for a second, I saw compassion come from his face. I saw his brown eyes for the first time in almost five years, human brown eyes like his father's, so warm and so caring, and then I saw a tear come down. It wasn't blood-red, instead, it was black. 'I had never seen you until I was 23. Until he was an adult, I never saw your face.' I put my head down in shame, knowing I had only seen my son very few times in his lifetime.

"I can't tell you how many times I'm sorry," I put my hand on his hand and said "Can I show you how much I loved him? Can I show you how important he is to me? How important you both are to me," I expected to hear him say no-- or to hear him say so you can give me more reasons to hate you, I expected anything but yes. 'I never got to see how happy he was,' He walked towards the bed with the photo album, and I walked toward him more than happy to show him memories of me and Michael.

"I only have a few photos but I can tell you exactly how that day started and ended with Michael," He sat near me and he was not tense, his eyes were still brown. Did he notice that he had human eyes? It didn't matter and I wouldn't bring it up. He turned back to the first page. "That was the first year I met your father" I look at the photo and remember it as if it was yesterday.

~~~Lilith August 21st, 1912

I hired this photographer to take a picture, he was very amicable up until Michael came in. 'Excuse me miss, is this the help?' he asked me, almost looking disappointed. I felt an air of hostility in his voice, I composed myself and said "No, that's my partner" I could see his attitude getting worse. 'My company is owned by a white man, we don't serve nigger-lovers,' I looked at him and I realized I could see Michael's face contorting with sadness.