DESK MATES ✔|SOPE|Yoonseok

Chapter 21: Don't look at me

"Yoongi, please just come out!"

Namjoon was banging on his door for the third time that day, but Yoongi still refused to open it. He was a complete mess, and he really didn't need Namjoon to see his swollen eyes and the used tissues all over the floor.

The sadness came in waves. He'd cry his eyes out to the point where he couldn't breathe, and then when he became too exhausted, he'd roll over on his bed and close his burning eyes. He never actually fell asleep; instead, he would just lay there, thinking about how much he hated Hoseok and how he wanted to kill him for breaking his heart a second time.

It hadn't even been 2 days into the new school year, and he was already starting off things the way last school year had ended- crying for hours and feeling like he wanted to die. How much could a person cry before they ran out of tears, anyway? He'd wondered the same thing the day Hoseok broke up with him.

"Yoongi, if you don't respond, I'm going to assume something really really bad happened to you!" Namjoon said through the door. The urgency in his voice suddenly startled Yoongi out of his thoughts, causing him to nearly fall off his bed. It was probably time to let Namjoon in now.

He let out a deep sigh, slowly getting up and walking towards the door. He rubbed his eyes before he opened it, as if that would somehow get rid of the redness, but he knew his eyes would be swollen for days after this.

"Do me a favor and don't look at me, ok?" Yoongi said when he opened the door. He hadn't even bothered to look up at Namjoon yet, but he could already tell there was something very wrong.

"Yoongi! What the hell happened?" Namjoon asked, leaning in to embrace Yoongi in his arms. Namjoon had always just been a very touchy person, so Yoongi had gotten used to constantly being close to him. He was never really the biggest fan of receiving affection, but he didn't mind it too much. The only person he'd ever actually enjoyed hugging turned out to be an even bigger dick than he thought he was.

"It's nothing, I shouldn't even be crying," Yoongi said, realizing just how much of an idiot he was being. He was supposed to hate Hoseok and never want to be around him again, not kiss him the moment he first saw him at school. What did he think was going to happen? He was practically asking for his heart to be broken again.

"Oh, please, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," Namjoon said, squeezing him tighter. "You're clearly upset, so it must be important. Come on, let's talk about it," he said, leading him into Yoongi's bedroom, but he wouldn't budge.

"I really don't wanna talk about it," Yoongi said quietly, watching as Namjoon's face fell. He knew Namjoon didn't like when he kept things from him, and it was almost like it hurt his feelings. But he'd been crying over Hoseok all day, and the thought of him was tiresome.

"Why not?" Namjoon asked, a look of hurt on his face. "Talking to me always helps you feel better, so why can't you just tell me?"

"Because it's my own fault," Yoongi said, sounding a bit too abrupt. "I did a really stupid thing that I shouldn't have done and now I'm facing the consequences." The anger in his voice was showing, but he was more angry at himself than anyone else.

"Oh, Yoongi..." Namjoon said, seeing the look on his friend's face. "What could you have possibly done that was so bad?"

Yoongi just sighed, rubbing his eyes and running his hands through his messy hair.

"Let's just sit down," he finally agreed. Namjoon immediately nodded his head and shut the door behind them so that his parents wouldn't overhear. He pulled up the covers and made room for Namjoon to sit on his bed with him, but Yoongi let himself fall back against his pillows so that he wouldn't have to see Namjoon's face when he told him.

"It's really bad," Yoongi said, covering his face with his hands. "Don't get mad at me when I tell you what happened, ok?"

"Okay," Namjoon said quickly, sitting up perfectly straight.

Yoongi took in a deep breath, closing his eyes.

"I kissed Hobi—".

"BITCH WHAT?!"

That was exactly the response he'd been expecting to hear from Namjoon. He rolled over and groaned into his pillow, too embarrassed to even look at him.

"But I thought you hated him!" Namjoon said, clearly in disbelief. "Why would you do that?"

"I don't know!" Yoongi sighed, his face turning red. "I really don't know."

Namjoon was silent for a few moments, which Yoongi assumed meant he was trying to process his friend's very dumb decision.

"Okay, so then what happened?" Namjoon asked, crossing his arms. "There's gotta be more to it than just that."

"We made out for a while," Yoongi said quietly.

Namjoon rolled his eyes, looking up towards the ceiling. He always did that whenever he thought Yoongi was being ridiculous.

"So then what's the problem?" he asked. "You like him and he likes you, so why can't you guys just get back together?"

"Because he told me he-" he stopped, nearly choking on his words. He didn't know if he could say it without breaking into tears again, and Namjoon had seen him cry enough already the day Hoseok dumped him. "He told me why he broke up with me," was all he said.

"Oh, Yoongi, what did he to say to you?"Namjoon said, the frustration in his voice starting to show. "I'll kill him, I'll make him regret everything he ever did to you."

Yoongi smiled for a short second, happy to have a friend like Namjoon that was always ready to fight for him. He wasn't sure if he would have survived their break up if it hadn't been for him, actually. Yoongi had spent practically the entire summer being miserable and hating himself, and the only thing that made him feel better were the spontaneous adventures Namjoon always planned for them. He wouldn't let Yoongi sit alone in his room and cry, even if he really, really wanted to.

Eventually, Yoongi got over Hoseok. When the new school year had started, he honestly thought that seeing him wouldn't even be that big of a deal. But then he caught Hoseok checking him out during the first day ceremony, and he enjoyed every second of it. He felt completely pathetic.

He couldn't help it; the tears came back as he heard Hoseok's words play over in his mind again. He thought about his lips and how scarily good they felt on his, the way he'd foolishly let himself get so excited to see Hoseok standing in front of him again, the fact that he'd even lost his damn virginity to someone he now hated more than anything... he couldn't breathe.

As soon as the tears started falling, Namjoon was quick to embrace him in his arms.

"Yoongi, please don't cry," he said, holding him against his chest. "Seeing you cry makes me want to cry." But Yoongi had already completely broken down, and it wasn't  pretty.

"I hate him," he sobbed into Namjoon's shoulder, his tears staining his t-shirt. "This whole time I thought it was because I couldn't tell him I loved him back. I spent so long wishing I could go back to that day, to just tell him how I really felt, but it doesn't even matter. He never even loved me."

"How do you know that?" Namjoon asked, resting his head against his. He was trying to help him breathe by rubbing his back.

"Because, Joon," he said, taking in a shaky breath, "he cheated on me."