DESK MATES ✔|SOPE|Yoonseok

Chapter 20: No going back

A/N~ 

Please don't hate Hobi too much after this chapter :(

Last school year: May

"Starting today, I'm going to make you fall for me."

Hoseok was just staring at Jin in disbelief. After all the trouble being in a relationship had caused them, Jin was sitting in front of him, telling him that he still wanted Hoseok. After Jin had told him that very morning that it didn't matter if he couldn't return his feelings, he wanted to try and change the way he felt. It was taking everything within him to stay calm. Hoseok was already in a bad mood ever since Yoongi had walked away from him that morning, and now his best friend actually had the nerve to put their relationship on the line again.  Hoseok couldn't help but feel disappointed.

"I know what you're thinking," Jin said once he saw the look on Hoseok's face, "but I really don't expect anything from you. I just want you to know I'm not giving up hope for things to work out between the two of us. Someday, I want to become a man that you can love. Is that alright?"

Hoseok felt his heart shatter into bits and pieces. If only he could tell Jin the truth, that there was a man he already loved, he wouldn't have said such a vulnerable thing to him. He had to be honest with Jin, or at least tell him not to waste his time somehow.

"Jin..." Hoseok began, but he still was unsure of what he wanted to say. He took in a deep breath, his hands shaking. "It's just not possible. I love you more than you'll ever know, but not in the way you'd like me to. That's not going to change, and you know that."

When Hoseok finally met his eyes, Jin was wearing the most hurt expression he'd ever seen. He felt a twinge of guilt at the site of it, but he didn't regret what he'd said; Jin needed to know there was no future for them, that way he could move on.

"I don't believe that," Jin said, starting to raise his voice. Hoseok knew he didn't mean to sound angry, but his emotions were getting the best of him. All Hoseok could do was try and remain calm. "You can't just say that. You don't know how you'll feel in the future," he said.

Jin took his hand and laced his fingers with his, squeezing it tightly. Hoseok allowed it, but he wasn't going to bother trying to hold his hand back. He turned his face away, not wanting to see the desperation in Jin's eyes. It made him uncomfortable.

"Don't you feel anything?" Jin asked him, his voice on the verge of tears. When Hoseok just shook his head, his eyes to the ground, Jin turned him around, forcing Hoseok to look at him. 

"Ever since that night on your balcony, you're all I can think about. The feeling of your lips on mine, the warmth of your skin against the cool breeze, the way you smiled at me when I kissed you... don't you get it, Hobi? You've completely ruined me, and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm in love with you, that has to be what this is. And I know for a fact you felt something too, otherwise you wouldn't have kissed me like that. There's just no way."

Jin almost said it like he was trying to convince himself as well. Hoseok could feel the deep pain in his voice, and he was trying his best not to let it get to him. But Jin was pushing him to his breaking point, and he didn't know how much longer he was going to last.

"How many times do you want me to break your heart, Jin? I already told you I don't feel anything for you, and I never will," he said. He didn't mean to sound so abrupt, but it came out sounding harsh anyways. "I'm sorry I kissed you back that night, truly I am. But it was a mistake, a really big mistake."