Counting Minutes | Gay MxM |

63. Happiness

Stepping out of the door was easier than ever, I only needed a small moment to recollect myself afterwards, and that gave me strength and courage. With Blake by my side, I stepped closer to the stairs, feeling more eager and excited than scared and nervous.

I couldn't see the look on Mom's face... I couldn't wait to be well enough to casually walk around the house and be with my family... I was so close! The life I had wished to have, but never thought I could have, was so incredibly close...!

And this morning I almost let my fears consume me... Of course this wasn't the end of my journey. I would definitely get out of the house and live a relatively normal life as long as I just kept going and refused to give my fears take control over me. All I had to do was to keep my head up and enjoy the small steps I was taking.

I mean, I could almost see my mom's office after getting a few steps down. A few steps later, I did see the doorway behind the railing. If I could get this far, there was nothing to stop me anymore. I was already out of my prison, the cage I had locked myself into all those years ago.

Once we were almost halfway, I had to stop to take a breather. I turned to look up and smiled at the steps I had already walked, and it had only taken me a few minutes.

Nothing bad was going to happen. The nag was still there, and I did feel a bit uncomfortable, but that was about it. I was so much better at controlling my mind and ignoring the intrusive thoughts that it felt almost odd to think they used to have a full control over me. Nothing bad would happen, at least not because I went to see my mother or didn't wake up exactly at 6:28.

I shivered when I thought about the schedule and quickly pushed it out of my mind.

"Let's continue," I told mostly to myself, squeezing Blake's hand in mine.

"Sure, babe," he smiled.

When we reached the bottom of the stairs, I took a deep, content breath. I wanted to laugh at how easy getting down had been. The staircase hardly scared me anymore, and I hoped that a few more times later, I would be able to walk them down like any other person would. My real battle was with my head, not the stairs, nor the rest of the house, and getting used to being outside my room was relatively easy. I was actually surprised at how easy it was, and it kind of scared me.

When I let Blake know how I felt standing there, he gave me an encouraging smile.

"It's because you're a strong person. You're much stronger than what you give yourself credit for."

"I get my strength from you," I whispered, lifting his hand on my lips.

His smile grew wider, and he placed his hand on my cheek, caressing my skin with his thumb, making me feel calm and happy. Staring at him in the eyes made me nearly forget what we were doing, but we still had plenty of time, so I chose to enjoy his attention instead of continuing our journey. I loved his eyes... The way he looked at me was always so gentle and warm and encouraging... That was where I got my strength from.

After getting a big enough dose of his love, I turned to face my mother's study and got excited again. I pulled Blake with me when I started making my way to it, focusing only on the good feelings and thoughts. Soon enough, we reached the door, and I stopped to look around to give myself time to adjust.

"I can't wait to see the look on her face..." I whispered, biting my lower lip nervously.

"She'll be so happy to see you down here," Blake agreed, and hugged me with one hand, his lips brushing my temple.

I wanted to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. Sure, I was nervous, but not scared. I really was ready to do this, and I couldn't wait until Mom got home.