BROVE BLOVE UNTIL LOVE

Chapter 6: Confessions

Intellia

I was confused in this dull meeting, what was their mom up to? Was she setting us up? I hated it. My mind was so occupied by this message that was sent to me by this mysterious well-known guy.

Prouker tried to talk to me but his mind was also busy with something else that was to him more important, he was constantly glancing at my sister and his brother like he was his rival. There was always this odd way that he acted with my sister like he was controlling her, always asking her whenever he saw her going out: where is she going? Like she was his responsibility or someone he was engaged to. I thought it was to distract her from her studies but that continued after her University so they were a complicated thing, can't judge it as love or only dominance. I guess it is the second choice because, that was what his personality was like, he always wanted a submissive to be his slave permanently.

My phone vibrated.....

" l guess I really need one ;) "

Was I really going to befriend with a guy I don't know, in our Arabian society there wasn't a thing called friends while talking about a girl and a boy. I actually told my mom about that how I took it seriously in a professional way, I said I would help him to get through this fog and if I got to know him and his girl, maybe I would matchmake them together. So my mom was relieved.

She always feared I would end up in love with someone from this blog, and get heartbroken after he leaves me because of my different culture, different thoughts about everything in life, like I always lived in a symbolic life where physical gestures were never my interest. I loved souls not bodies, unlike others. She knew my mind and she was terrified that maybe I could like someone. Well, trust me I am horrified and determined not to fall in love with him, telling myself he loves a girl already.

"Deal .
But let us set some rules !
1. No personal description.

2. No identity.

3. No mocking and no criticising lifestyle nor traditions.

4. No judging."

A few moments passed,

"Oh, I guess you're an independent, strong woman.
Are you like in your forties?
Wait! Wait! I'm scared!
Will I feel lame talking to you? Are you old, experienced, wise and intelligent?! just tell me your age "

"Thanks about calling me that and judging me like I said no judging huh!
By the way, I am not telling you any personal information. So don't provoke me, you are getting nothing.... "

" How is that even friendship? I know nothing about you and you are the same so I'll tell you something and you do the same without physical description.

Let's start

My mother and father um left me when I was young and I don't get this girl stuff: the way you should act to impress them. I mean I have never seen a happy couple. All the people around me imagine being in love for years with someone but, after it gets serious like marriage, they start saying there is no positivity, their wives do not care like before, all that they care about is having babies, taking care of them. Well, I guess they just fear commitment, they just want to fool around.....
You know what I mean so, people say that what I have been through would certainly damage my personality. Is that true? Is this why I never did well in a relationship? Do I even know what love is? I know I am asking as if I am consulting a psychiatrist but sorry!! What about you tell me one thing that damaged you too. "

" No, your problems don't make you a loser in your relationships. You are the one who decides who you want to be, love yourself, feel confident with who you are, if someone loved you, that person should love the real you, not the one you pretend to be. Nobody is bad or evil, I am really experienced in that part, in all the outer zone he builds, there is always an inner core, that is fragile as glass that gets easily broken. He has a weak spot, and nobody is perfect, but at least everybody should act human and avoid mistakes to be worth being loved. "

" Wow! Really impressive, very wise as a piece of advice and pleasant way to leak from my question. But no way, we're friends! Tell me about your dark secrets. "

"Well, my story is complicated "........... I told him my story "how would you feel when you feel neglected by the closest people? I never trusted anyone, I mean I have seen the worst from my dad and his family – his dad and his brother - (not to mention he is often totally kind and thoughtful of us and I go out with him a lot right now, we laugh a lot and I try to forget what they did to me, I mean he is my dad and I don't want to regret not seeing him and stay my whole life in agony. When I decide things in my life, I promise myself not to Afterthink about it. Life is one opportunity to live and to search love in all the darkness and sadness that surround us to calm us down."

"Really tragic story, I guess my story is nothing compared to what you lived, I mean nobody knows how silly his life is but if he compared it with another's. How old were you when all of this was happening? If you don't want to tell me, I won't push you. "

"It started when I was 3 but the separation problems were at the age of 10 "

" So after all that you still believe in love? How is that going to calm you down while you're struggling and suffering! Trust me if I were you, I would have been nothing, no friends, no life, totally depressed and don't know if I would have hopes in life. Explain your words to me please .. YOU SEEM VERY DEEP AND FULL OF SURPRISES........ TOTALLY LIKE THAT !"

" Love represented to me my escaping gate. I never fell in love with someone, like the love you know, but love to me was from innocent people I met during the rough life that made me realise, there's more in life that makes it worth living; I loved thinking about them.
One of them is a woman l will never forget, she was an angel sent to us, she was my grandma's friend, she was so old but cheerful, funny, and thoughtful, she never got married and she loved us as if we were her children.
She brought us toys whenever we got high grades, I still have her Barbie dolls, I still remember the different kinds of chocolate she got us, from Turkey and other foreign countries.

The hardest point was losing her, she was diagnosed suffering from lung inflammation, she suffered a lot till she was technically dead but connected to medical devices until her family chose euthanasia. My heart was broken into pieces, she was someone who eased a lot of pain. I was grateful for every moment God offered me to say with her. I feel that there is always hope in life. Hope for the best, believe in God (know he is capable of everything and nothing happens as coincidence, nothing happens to ruin you, if God chose it for you, he knows what you don't and he will do you the best. Keep the faith. "

" Guess I will learn a lot from you, but let us not skip the point: you have never been in love? Maybe, if I got to know you I would know what to do to make my girl love me and also I could know who I shouldn't be like. So what a man got to do to make women love him? "

After reading this, I didn't answer I never had someone who knows me so much that I would tell him why I feared love. Firstly, I feared being lost in love that my mind would be occupied and I wouldn't study. Secondly, I was terrified that it would be like one-sided love; imagining I would be like madly in love with someone who doesn't love me back, or who acts like it because he was ordered by someone to play this role for a certain plot they had planned. I have seen a lot from the closest people I had in life! WHAT DO I HAVE TO EXPECT FROM STRANGERS? HOW COULD I TRUST SOMEONE THAT I SHOULD STAY WITH HIM MY WHOLE LIFE?

A deep-down voice told me something and I guess I could believe it.

Maybe you won't fall in love your whole life because of your insecurities and end up alone

But I decided to text him

"First tip: don't ever ask a girl that.

And goodnight, I have to go to sleep "

"Goodnight? It is 5 P.M.? "

"I live in Egypt, it is 12A.M."

"Goodnight, but we have to talk tomorrow about setting time to write to each other and WOW EGYPT, I have to ask you a lot about it. See you. "

"See you, have a nice day! "

I haven't realised that I had been talking to him since 8 o'clock I felt happy while talking to him, he is funny and he takes pain off someone's chest.

I like him...... As a friend of course........ Nothing more Right?