BROVE BLOVE UNTIL LOVE

Chapter 19: I LOVE YOU

Intellia

You know the time where you wish the world would stop, just staring in the eyes of the one you love.

I just really loved simple acts he did; the way the time passed so easily while we're texting, that smile I couldn't help but form on my face, the way he made me feel secure whenever I talk about my past and open up, the way he talks to me giving me hope and telling me how strong I am to be able to confront all my life and the way he opened up to me.

And now staring in these eyes....

"Yes I guess I'll be fine ... I ... just... need to leave ...but"

"Hey, hey, calm down, okay?"

"I just can't ... talk... to her ... my sister, I just can't ..."

It's just hard to feel that embarrassed in front of someone whom you just met or even have met before, having someone seeing you breaking down is hard; I almost lost myself. I needed to be alone but at the same time couldn't: I mean what would I do if it happened again and at that time no one saved me.

What if?

I needed to go home but how am I going to be able to speak or to ask my sister to drive me? How am I going to confront mom with the fear I felt? Or worse how am I going to confront myself?

'Hey I really wish I could help but I just don't know how to act after what this guy tried to do!" He said scratching the back of his neck.

"I really wish I could...Umm!
What about we go to the sea, you told me once it helped you a lot in reaching peace while facing your problems. I just really want you to stop crying, I just can't see you like that!"

I stayed silent for a while, I had to calm down because surely my sisters will search for me soon and I will have to hide what happened and this sadness. Him mentioning the sea, I felt I truly needed it but I am not confident to go with him alone in his car, even if we talked and texted a lot, what if he tried himself to take advantage of me? What if he kidnapped me? How am I going to trust a guy after that?

I am really afraid right now.

And then my mind began to think about lately; how my mom insists that I needed to be engaged soon, how I am growing up, how I needed to get married young before the age of thirty, and how she scolds me as I'm refusing these guys asking for my hand in marriage; these guys were nothing more than the sons of dad's business partners, or mom's friends, or even guys from my university that I never knew. How could I get to marry them without knowing them at all like that?

I mean how is it normal to get married to someone you only saw once and that's when he came to propose?
How would you know whether he's a good person or not? Or how he'd treat you? Or whether you could spend your whole life with him?
What if our life would be forced like what that man was trying to do?

Since I was a little girl I wished I could stay this little because I feared the adult life, the marriage, and the struggles related to it.
What if he's a bad guy, how could I break his shell and release the good in him without breaking my heart and humiliating myself? That's why I wished for a love story just so he could support me by not breaking my walls and limits suddenly but really slowly so I wouldn't freak out even if we were married. I needed him to wait for me to heal and to feel comfortable around him.

"I guess I know what you're thinking and it's probably how you could trust me and by that I know you're completely right because we just met in person."

"Why are you so sure I am the one from the blog, huh?" I blurted out but just realized how stupid I am.

Stupid!