Yowzah Oneshot Collection (2)

165(M)Mattex

                          Always

                     GrumpyJenn

The kiss tasted like goodbye.

Matt hadn’t cradled her face like that when blocking out the kiss during rehearsal, and he hadn't thumbed her cheekbone as though he was wiping away tears then either. It had been a bittersweet yet sexy kiss then too, but this... this kiss was of a different order altogether. And it broke Alex’s heart. He looked at her so lovingly, as though, well... but she shouldn’t think that way. Her silly crush on her co-star had had her husband thinking she’d had a fling with the young man, and now she and Florian had separated (though the alleged affair was only one reason of many) and Salome was in LA with her father and Alex... she was so lonely.

Matt felt Alex tremble as they kissed for the camera, and wondered. She was never quite this Method, and she’d never seemed so... River Song. As though she loved him the way River loved the Doctor. Which was nonsense; they were friends and colleagues, and she was married besides. Oh, she was separated, but she showed no signs of wanting more with him. It would be wrong, no matter how much he had always wanted her. But her reaction broke Matt’s heart, so after the director called cut at the end of that scene, and they broke for the day and changed out of costume, Matt followed Alex to her trailer.

She didn’t look back, just went into the trailer and closed the door, and then Matt saw the door shake slightly in its frame. He nearly went away, thinking she wouldn’t want company, but he heard, faintly, a sound very like a sob from beyond the door. Oh god, he thought, she sounds so alone, so he steeled himself and knocked.

Alex felt the knock as much as heard it, because she was resting her head against the door, trying very hard to stop a second sob from escaping. For God’s sake, she thought, I’m a bloody actress; I should be able to keep from crying. But they must have forgotten something, needed her on set, so at the second knock, rather quieter than the first, she sighed and opened the door.

When the door swung open, Matt looked up at Alex. What he saw in her face broke his heart all over again; she looked tired, drawn, and her eyes were bright with tears. “Going to invite me in, Kingston? And tell me what’s wrong?” Matt asked softly, and Alex said nothing, just stepped back to let him pass.

She closed the door behind him, turned, and nearly bumped into him; he was standing close, holding out a hand. Alex took the hand and drew him over to the small sofa, sitting and patting the space next to her. When Matt sat, she worked up a smile and looked up at him. “It’s nothing, really darling. I’m just tired and...” And I don’t want this to be goodbye, she thought despairingly. I’m like a baby crying for the moon, wanting what I can’t have, and missing it before it’s gone. She realised that he was waiting for her to finish, and forced the smile brighter. “Just tired, and I suppose I don’t like endings any more than the Doctor does.”

Matt was shaking his head. “I don’t think so, Alex,” he said in an uncharacteristically serious tone. “It’s more than that. Florian got you down? Missing Salome?” He smiled at her, that hot-when-he’s-clever-look from under nearly nonexistent brows, and Alex wanted to burst into tears and just stay. Just stay with him, always, like his lines in the scene they’d just wrapped. But it was stupid, just the maunderings of a lonely old woman who’d buggered up her own life and wanted a new one.

“Truly, Matt, I just...” Alex found herself choking up. “I’ll miss you.” She tried to make the you sound like she meant all of them, Matt and Steven and the whole cast and crew, but she couldn’t quite manage it, and the - was it pity? - in Matt’s eyes undid her completely. She turned away, biting her lip and wringing her hands and trying very hard not to burst into tears, and heard Matt make a concerned noise in the back of his throat.