Yowzah Oneshot Collection (2)

43(G)

But we wait for the wave just to wash it away

      mygalfriday (BrinneyFriday)

He keeps finding the wrong her.

Well, not wrong so much as not quite right; he loves every single version of River that waltzes into his path, those delightful hips swaying, be it a River so young she still blushes when he winks at her, or halfway through her prison sentence and so wild he can barely keep up with her. But those Rivers aren’t the one he’s looking for. He’s looking for Professor River Song, the one who ran. The one he'd hurt so badly with his stupidity and his callous words that he isn’t sure if he’ll ever be able to make it right.

He’s been searching for her for months, and the TARDIS, who is more cross with him than she’s ever been, isn’t helping. In fact, he’s pretty sure she’s hindering his search on purpose, bringing him to versions of River who haven’t done Manhattan yet. At first it was so good to see her, a River who smiled and kissed him and would forgive him anything – but eventually it had started to weigh heavily on his shoulders. He has said and done horrible things, and to her in particular. He doesn’t deserve her smiles or her kisses, and he certainly doesn’t deserve her forgiveness.

After months of the TARDIS redirecting him to the not-quite-right Rivers, the Doctor is a hollow shell of a man, verging on frantic as he searches desperately for a River who will understand when he falls down at her feet and begs her to let him fix everything in any way that she’ll let him.

He lands the TARDIS again, letting the ship jostle him about as she settles outside the building where River teaches at Luna. Straightening his coat and scrubbing a hand over his stubbled face, the Doctor starts for the doors and pushes them open, praying to the Universe itself that this time he’s found her. He steps outside and looks around, hearts pounding as he spots that unmistakable head of hair striding right toward him.

The moment he sees her face, his hearts sink.

It isn’t her.

This River is still a student here, not teaching.

Despair filling him, the Doctor does his best to paste on a smile, silently wondering if he’ll ever see his wife again. Holding out his arms in greeting as she approaches, he calls, “Hello, Melody Pond!”

She stops in front of him, curls bouncing. “River.”

“Quite right.” He bops her nose and watches with an ache in his chest as she wrinkles it. “River Song – the woman who saved my life.”

Rolling her eyes, River shifts her books from one arm to the other. “That’s not quite how I remember it.”

“Funny, because that’s exactly what happened.” He smiles softly at her but it must look as hollow as it feels because River tilts her head, the merriment leaving her eyes as she studies him.

“Are you alright, Doctor?”

“Always.” He beams at her, cheeks aching, and takes her books from her. “Let me escort you to class, Ms. Song?”