Yowzah Oneshot Collection (2)

104(M)

                         Full Circle

                           clare009

River leaned over the TARDIS console. Each time she drew in a breath, her chest would shudder with the effort and she couldn't draw in enough air to fill her lungs. Her fingers gripping at the edges of the console were bone white. She could never see them again.

In one cataclysmic moment, both her parents had been lost to her--and she hadn't even seen it coming. But she should have.

It didn't matter that they had lived a long and happy life in a past, because that was now forbidden to her. She couldn't go back to them because the laws of time would not allow it. She'd ripped apart the universe once before--there'd be no second time.

The TARDIS door banged open and the Doctor strode in. He tucked a slip of paper in his jacket pocket and looked up at her with a smile. "Anywhere? Anytime?"

River quickly shuttered her emotions and stood up straight. She wanted to know what was written in Amelia's afterword, but he seemed to have already locked that part of his life away and was ready to move on. "Of course, my love."

The Doctor twirled up the stairs and began to work the console, flinging switches and flipping levers as he went. "There's a million, million things to explore. Moons made entirely out of crystal, whole worlds so beautiful, yet unseen by sentient beings. We can watch history in the making, we can witness the beginnings or the endings of civilizations. Or--" he turned and flashed a wink at her-- "I can take you to one of the scores of pleasure planets in existence, where your every desire can be fulfilled."

River tried to smirk back, but her heart wasn't in it. She had to be strong for him, though, because this was his way of coping. He'd lost so much, so much, over time, that the only way he could deal with it was to move forward. To never look back. But everything hurt. How could she plaster a smile on her face and carry on when everything now would remind her of Amy and Rory?

"Come on, River. Where shall it be? The TARDIS is ready, the universe is waiting for us." He stepped up close to her and lifted her chin with two of his fingers. If she wasn't careful, he'd see right through her mask.

"Why... why don't we let her decide, hmm? She always takes us where we need to go."

His eyes held her for a moment, and in their depths she saw it all--all the pent up pain and anger. Oh, how he hated himself. He tapped her on the nose and spun away. The Doctor returned to the controls, his fingers flying. "Brilliant. Good. We'll set it at random. Surprise us this time." The whole bridge shuddered and shook as they took off into the vortex. River clutched the console once more to keep herself steady, and the Doctor whooped as he was flung back, a manic gleam in his eyes. "Time is in tatters," he yelled out over the noise of the rattling, groaning ship, "It'll repair, eventually, but it makes for a bumpy ride."

And then came the familiar wheezing as the TARDIS came to rest. River looked up to see him grinning at her. She couldn't even chastise him for leaving the brakes on.

He ran down the steps like a child at Christmas and flung wide the TARDIS doors. Then he froze. River took the steps slowly, her eyes never leaving his back.

"No," he said. "No. No. No." He turned and brushed past her, almost knocking her to the ground.

She stepped to the doors to look outside. Oh. They were in the living room of her parents house. The house the Doctor had given to them. River slumped against the doorframe and felt the prickle of tears in her eyes. She dashed them away angrily. Not now. She couldn't break down now. Later, when she was alone. She needed to be strong for him. But was this really what he needed right now? The TARDIS seemed to think so.