Uneducated Submission

Keep Holding On

A.N

Hello My Lovelies,

I've really been into these type of songs lately and they help me focus so well on writing my chapters and i just happened to be listening to the song above whilst writing this chapter and i think it really fits the mood, you know. 

(P.S. Trust me, you'll feel the mood shift and you'll know when to play the song)

Anyways i Hope you're all okay but adios for now.

Love, Hasina.

***Neveah's P.O.V***

I was really beginning to hate hospitals.

We were currently waiting for the doctor to tell us what happened to Royalty.

To say I was still angry at Jaxon would be an understatement. What could they have been talking about that he couldn't just tell me? And then for him to say that if I hadn't been with Laila it wouldn't have gotten that far.

My blood boiled and I tapped my foot impatiently on the floor as I glared at him from the other side of the room.

"I can feel you glaring at me", he said not looking up from his magazine.

I rolled my eyes, "Good. They should burn you for real".

He scoffed and ignored my statement which only made me angrier at him.

"Why are you even still here, Jaxon", I said annoyed at him.

"Because Royalty is still my friend and I'm concerned for her right now.", he said looking up at me with a sigh.

I bite my cheek and look at him indifferently before reverting my attention to one of the posters on the wall.

"Ms. Walcott", the doctor says walking out.

I stand and look at him in anticipation.

"Well, Royalty is stable now and she's fine. She just got stressed and because she is still slightly unstable her panic attack was prolonged and sent her into shock.", he explained, "She'll be able to leave in a few hours once I check her vitals and the baby's condition again",he said with a brisk nod before turning and leaving.

As soon as he was out of earshot I marched over to Jaxon and slapped him across the face.

His eyes snapped to mine in pure fury and I glared challengingly at him

"What the fuck was that for Neveah?", he shouted causing a nurse to look up at us warily.

He grabbed my arm and pulled us into an unoccupied hospital room giving me a pointed look.

I slapped him on his chest, "What. The. Fuck. Were. You. Talking. About?". With each word I slapped his chest again and with each slap he took a step backwards; I took one forward until his back was pressed against the wall.

"Neveah. I already told you. What we were discussing was private. Fuck stop hitting me", he shouted and flipped us around so my back was now against the wall.

His hands gripped mine in a rough manner and his eyes burned into me, his breathing erratic.

Damn he was pissed...and I was kinda turned on.

What the fuck was I thinking.

"When Royalty is ready she'll tell you. Until then leave it alone for both her and your sake. And stop fucking hitting me", he said slamming his hand into the wall directly next to my head.

I flinched away from him and whimpered.

Okay. Definitely not turned on.

Backing away from me he sighed running his hand through his hair, "I didn't mean to scare you Neveah. It's just you keep doing infuriating shit all the time and your so blinded by Laila like  come on", he says angrily pacing.

I stood straighter and cocked my brow at him folding my arms, "So that's what your little tantrum is about?  Your jealous that I'm spending time with Laila? Jax what the fuck? You literally spent a month with me. Just us.", I said annoyed.

 He was ridiculous.

Clenching his fist he turned to me, "It's not that Neveah. It's not about how much time you spend with her or me. Royalty is sick and recovering from a traumatic experience in her life and yes I get it, Laila's your girlfriend but can't she understand that maybe you know after being completely alone for a month Royalty's gonna need someone? And you know what, maybe I am angry that you spend time with Laila. I think she's a bad influence on you, Neveah. You're not you when you're with her".

I scoff in disbelief, "You what? You think she's a bad influence? Who the fuck are you to say? My mother? And I get that Royalty's in a bad position. You don't think I feel horrible that I couldn't help my own best friend? Or that I can't be there for her or understand the pain she's going through? It hurts me everyday and I just wish I could find the person that hurt her but at the end of the day Laila is still my GIRLFRIEND. If I keep neglecting her for Royalty how do you think she'll feel? I can't just say she's my girlfriend but treat her like she's just a friend neither can I deny the feelings that I have for her Jaxon. Why can't you understand that. I am In Love with her. I have never felt this way about anyone before and it pains me so much that you and my best friend, 2 of the only people besides my daughter, that I hold so close to me hate her so fucking much and I have no fucking idea why", I yell at him breaking into tears.

He stares at me long and hard seeming to fight back the urge to say something. He opens his mouth to say something and closes it just staring sorrowfully at me before he embraces me.

I hold him tight and inhale his scent just feeling overwhelmed and exhausted at everything going on right now in my life.

"And us? I don't want to add more to your plate Neveah. But I loved every moment we were together with Rosie, we felt like the perfect little family but I realize now that you're always gonna choose her over me and as much as I would love to tell you why that may be one of the worst decisions you ever made i can't because it's not my place. I also know that until you figure out what to do with your relationships between Laila and Royalty we can't be together. So I'm sorry I really am but I hope you understand why I can't be with you if your with Laila. It's just something I have to do for the betterment of your mental health and mine.  So maybe you were right, we should just stick to co-parenting. At least until you get this patch of your life sorted out", he says still holding me.

I feel as though piece of me is breaking. I know every part of what he said is true but that didn't deny the fact that it still hurt. Jaxon and I did have a bond, even if it was mainly because of Rosie we had a bond and I knew I had feelings for him I just didn't know to what extent yet. I couldn't pursue a relationship with him, it'd be unfair to everyone, especially myself. 

And he was right I didn't think I could mentally handle anything else right now.

So I held on. I kept my arms around him because something told me it would be the last time for a while I'd get to hold him like this.

And I just held on.