Counting Minutes | Gay MxM |

62. Man With Many Names

"I don't know what I want," I muttered, knowing how childish I was being, but...

"Blake," he whispered, placing his hand on my cheek. He smiled at me when I turned to look at him. "We're not in a hurry here. And no matter what, I will always stand by your side, whatever you choose to do."

I stared at him for a long time. His gentle smile gave me comfort, and it was becoming harder to not believe his words. I leaned my forehead against his and took a deep breath. The happiness of having him washed away the numbness I felt, and I started to believe it didn't matter what my name was.

I was still the same man. The man who was in love with Jordan. The man who he loved.

"Sorry... I seem to be having an existential crisis..." I said, letting out an awkward chuckle.

"And who could blame you?" he spoke softly. "You were robbed of your whole life and your identity."

"Still... I don't know why I got so upset... We pretty much knew the answer already. The guy in that picture looked so much like me..."

"But it wasn't real yet. Not until now," he spoke in my ear, wrapping his arms tightly around me.

"I guess..."

"Come – I'll make us tea and then I could really use some fresh air," Jordan said, nodding towards the balcony. "It's such nice weather."

Shortly after, I found myself sitting in the balcony, holding a big cup of tea and a sandwich in my hands. We stayed silent while I spent some time gathering my thoughts, trying to understand how I was really feeling.

"I always thought I was living the life I was born to have," I finally murmured, my cup half empty already. "But now it turned out that I wasn't supposed to be a homeless criminal..."

Jordan was silent for a moment, but when I turned to look at him, he gave me a shy smile.

"I always thought you were meant to find me," he spoke almost timidly.

"You're right about that," I said, and continued after giving it a thought, "And I guess that is all that matters really. I was meant to find you, and I did. That's the life I was supposed to have."

Jordan gave me a bright smile, but it faded soon, and his expression turned sad. "I can't even imagine the pain your parents must've been living with ever since you disappeared."

"Neither can I," I said truthfully.

I thought about the couple in the picture Julia had given me. Had they still been holding onto hope even after all these years? Did they still believe they'd find me someday after such a long time? How had they reacted when Mr. Ellis first contacted them? How did they feel that morning when they went to take the DNA test? Did they still miss me? A son they barely got to know before I was taken from them?

"What if I'm not the person they expect me to be?" I murmured.

"If they are decent people, you are exactly the son they'd want," Jordan said with a smile. "But if things don't work out with them – and believe me, I really wish they do – you have us. We are your family, no matter what."

"Thanks, babe," I smiled back at him, but I was suddenly feeling a bit nervous. "I have no idea how much they know about me," I said, regretting not asking more about them. "Do they know what kind of life I had? Do they know I'm in a relationship with you?"

"You will get your answers once you're ready," he smiled at me.

More and more questions appeared in my head, but one of them made me feel worse. "I don't even know their names..."