Scary Night ✔

Chap 30 (Blame)

Salty drops I'm holding back begins to gush down as I see Brian running toward me.

"I-I ha-v-e- ", seeing of myself with total contempt, I persist to fight the weak side of me. Lingering on rational thoughts to clear me off all qualms and suspicions Brian seems to carry in those skeptical eyes, I take a step forward.

"I had n-o i-de-a t-h--a-t t-his w-ou-ld h-a-p-p-e-n", it feels like centuries to finish this one sentence with cracks and quivers blending in the unstable voice of mine.

"I-", it wouldn't be wrong to say that his unreadable expressions are assisting the thought, that is already against me, to accuse me of this state of Shawn.

"I know it's not your fault Luna", certainly all of this is my fault I know. If I wouldn't have to show up in his life, only if I could turn all clocks in this world back, travel in different dimensions, fight the inequitable fate for bringing us together, go against the deplorable fate of mine for terrible snatching of my parents, only if I could, I would never appear in this horrendous materialistic world where the irksome destiny first ensures the encounter of two hearts beating in different bodies, later play with their feelings and see them suffering since ending up at one place together was never what it had planned ever.

It's already been more than a couple of hours to us waiting impatiently outside the room in an empty corridor. Brian informed Shawn's parents. His mom is sobbing ever since she has arrived here. His dad holding her, his sister, on the other hand, comforting me. Just as I'm resenting myself for being born in the first place I see a doctor coming out of the emergency room.

"I won't keep you in dark. We've taken the bullet out but due to excessive loss of blood his condition is still critical", I try to process every word leaving his mouth. It's either I don't have much strength to reach the end of the rope he's holding or my mind is too bewildered to accept the reality.

"We are going to arrange blood for him. The next twenty-four hours are really important to him. If he--"

"I'm O-negative. Take my blood", I don't let him finish. It's pretty obvious what he was going to say.

"You look weak. We will arrange it. Don't wo--"

"No I'm okay please", I've been not eating well lately. Speaking of it, I lost my appetite, the peace of mind, my sleep, the conscious state of mind from the day I left his condo with the video.

My skin looks so pale and I myself also don't feel the energy in my body. I'm surprised how I'm standing here for hours. I just want to save their time. Deep down I just want to do everything I could to repay Shawn.

Though it's nothing in front of what he has done for me this far, I wouldn't hesitate to offer my single drop of blood that runs in my body.

"Come with me", the doctor takes me to a separate room.

"I'll go with you", Brian and I walk into the room. His subordinate tells me to lay down on a gurney and relax my body.

After identifying my vein, he inserted the needle into the vessel. I had always an irrational fear of needles. But this pain is nothing as compared to the pain my heart is carrying.
After a few minutes, he removes the needle and presses down on the vessel.

"You should have some rest. I don't understand why the doctor agreed on getting blood from you. You already look so fragile as if you would collapse any second", taking the blood bag he leaves the room.

I rise to my feet only to meet sudden dizziness.
"You alright?", Brian holds my hand before I fall back.

"It's normal. Don't worry I'm okay", I walk back to the corridor.

"Luna you look so pale and your eyes are so dull", seeing the almost lifeless body of mine, Aaliyah helps me to sit on a chair.

"I'm fine", my fading tone is must be indicating something else.

I only wish to barge in the room. Just one look of Shawn, no not one look, I want to have countless looks of him, want to hold him in my arms, want to stroke his cheeks, want to intertwine our fingers, to see him to my fill and that is for eternity.

Minutes in, minutes out. What is taking them this long?

"Luna, go wash up yourself", Brian indicates stains of blood on my hands. I don't want to leave it here, not for a second. Only if I wasn't feeling dizziness I would never go. After washing my hands and face I come back to see doctors coming out.

"How's my son doctor?", his mom jolts from the chair.

"He is out of danger. We are shifting him to the room. You can meet him, but only one person at a time", everyone sighs in relief. There are also two more persons who seem to come up when I was in the bathroom. I've never seen any of them before.

"Luna did you hear that!", Brian hugs me tightly. I nod my head not to be sure if I still should be standing here, after all, I'm the cause of every shitty thing that happened in his life.

"I need some fresh air Brian", I hold the urge to see Shawn and walkout. As soon as I step out of the place, I burst into tears.

I couldn't hold them back anymore. What if something would happen to him? I would never forgive myself. I cried and cried until there left no more tears to cry.

Leave him alone Luna! You don't deserve him. He just returned back after fighting the death. You want to stay so that again you could bring up more mess and casualties in his life!

No, none of those were my intentions.

But it was caused because of you!

Yeah but...

I was fighting the inner side of me that blamed me for everything when Brian comes up to me.

"You're here and I've rummaged through every floor. You will catch a cold here", as I was wailing, I could feel the air on my neck. But I didn't mind catching a fever. I deserve nothing better. I let the silence fill up the empty atmosphere between us.

"It's been an hour Luna. He's been asking for you ever since he has opened his eyes."

"Hour?", isn't an hour much to cry the hell out of your heart in order to feel light-hearted? Then why am I feeling my chest still heavy as if some hard rock is being placed on it?

"You go. I need some more time", I can't deny the fact that my heart is dying for a sight of him. But how am I supposed to face him?

"How long will you blame yourself?", Brian's question catches me off the guard.

"I don't know", a whimper of pain leaves my mouth at the sudden shot of pain in my heart.

"Look at yourself. Don't do this with him. You want him to suffer again?"

"No!"

"Then let's go."

I quietly follow Brian to the room. He opens the door and gestures me to get in. I enter the room and see Shawn looking out of the window.

"Shawn", I mumble out when he turns his face to me. I slowly walk up to him. He didn't waste a second to tug me in his arms.

"Shawn I- I'm so-rry", I couldn't help myself and broke down again. I thought I was done crying.

"Shhh... You're okay. We are okay", rubbing the hand over my back gently, he hugs me tighter.

I can never get enough of his soft touch, the voice that itself is my lullaby at night, his big doe eyes, that glance me the most innocent and vulnerable look every time I look in them, fusing with sparks of love and deep fondness for me, his soft lips that I got to savour once, even if I have to die and born again I'll only wish for his touch, his body at the top with me underneath, his hot breath tickling my milky skin.