To My Dearest, Enemy (Lams Soulmate AU)

♠ THIRTY TWO ♠

John's POV

I look over at Alex. He was standing in the opposite corner from me, crossing his arms. He didn't seem to want to be in the room at the moment. He shook his head to Eliza's previous question. 

"Look on Thomas's Instagram." I suggest. Everyone looks over at me and I shrug, looking over at Alex still. "I mean, the pictures are still up, we can look closely and really determine if it was actually Peggy..."

Laf nods and pulls out his phone, scrolling through some stuff before staring at it for a little bit. He nods. "That...That's definitely Peggy..." He says.

I see Alex cringe gently and shyly look over at Angelica who was glaring at him. I look back to Alex and completely zone out of the conversation. He seemed like he was hurting still. I know he just lost his son and all, but I can't help but think maybe Martha was right. Maybe he really didn't want to break up with me. I just had to know why. 

"She's free to go home, now though. Remember, be patient with whichever personality she may be inhabiting that day, it's not her fault." I hear. I look over at the doctor and then see everyone else shuffling out of the room. I look down at Frances and walk over to Lafayette. 

"Hey, you wanna spend some time with Lafayette?" I ask and she looks over at him shyly. He smiles at her and she nods shyly. I hand her to Lafayette, who immediately starts entertaining her, and then walk over to Alex.

"Hey, we need to talk." I tell him. 

He stares at me and then shrugs. "Okay...What about?" He asks, acting dumb. 

I give him a look and then roll my eyes. "You know exactly what about...Come on, why don't we step outside?" I suggest. 

He sighs and nods, walking out the door in front of me. I follow him out and then we sit on the bench. "So...Why? Why did you break up with me?"

"John, just know it's for the better-"

"No, I think I have the right to know.." I say, frowning gently at him. He avoids looking at me and I sigh. "Alex, I'm not going to try and convince you to get back together with me. I mean I want to, but I won't if you don't want to. I just need to know why.." 

He finally looks up at me, pursing his lips together. It was almost as if he wasn't sure what to say. He shakes his head.

"I can't... I can't lose you, John...Not you, too.." He whispers.

I raise an eyebrow at him. "So you thought breaking up with me would solve that?" I ask.

"I just..." He takes a deep breath. "I've lost everyone I've ever gotten close with.." He whispers, staring at the ground and starting to tear up.

I frown. I don't reach out to him, though I really wanted to just hug him and kiss him till he couldn't be sad anymore. I knew he would pull away, though.

"What do you mean...?" I ask.

He shook his head. "Just... Well, just know I lied about my family the first time we actually talked. Obviously, you know I was fostered by George, but I told you my parents and brother were all in Nevis.."

I nod slowly. I do remember this conversation, vividly actually. It was the actual start of our relationship.

"So, uh.. Tell me about your family." I force myself to say. I hated talking about family, especially mine, but it was the only conversation starter I knew.

He hesitates to answer before chuckling nervously. "Oh, you know. Mother, father, same as everyone right?" He says, almost as a question. "They're uh, they're back in my hometown." I nod slowly, then start praying he doesn't ask about mine.

"What about you?"

I mentally kick myself. Of course he was going to ask about my family if I asked about his.

"Oh, uh..Mom, Dad, four siblings. All still in South Carolina." I nod slowly. Nodding was the only response I knew right now, since I had no intention of talking to Alex in the first place. He seemed more nervous than me, though.

"Older or younger siblings?" He asks, taking a sip of his drink.

"I'm the oldest." I mumble "First to get out of the house." I chuckle gently to pass it off as a joke. He smiles and I couldn't help but smile back. His smile was actually really cute. "Do you have any siblings?" I ask.

He takes a little bit longer to respond, which is odd because it was almost like he had to think about it.  "Yeah, I have an older brother. He lives with my parents still."

I wanted to ask about Laf, but decided it was probably better to drive away from the topic of families, since I didn't really wanna get into mine anyway.

I nod slowly. "Okay...How did you lie?"

He stares at me, as if he was trying to read me or something. I shift uncomfortably before he sighs. "Um, I have no idea where my dad is. When I was ten, he left us and I haven't seen him since. I actually wrote to you that day."

I think back to when I was ten and nod. "Oh, I remember that... I saw the word "Dad" and immediately panicked and washed it off." I say softly and he tilts his head, questioning my actions. I quickly usher him to continue.

"Yeah, so then when I was twelve, uh..My mom passed away. And then a year later my brother passed as well.. I don't have any real family, just the foster family that thinks they're related to me..."

I frown gently. "That's why you stopped writing to me? I had always wondered what happened..."

"Yeah, well," he scoffs. "It's not like you ever responded. I gave up on trying to contact you after that, seeing as you were never going to respond." He looks away from me, seeming a bit angry now.

I bite the inside of my cheek. He opened up a little, I guess I should probably open up a little too.

"Alex, I couldn't write to you. I wanted to, really, but my dad forbade it." I sigh. "God, the things he'd do if he found out I dropped out of college and found out my soulmate was a guy..."

He looks back at me and tilts his head. "You...You never told your dad you dropped out?" He asks.

I shake my head. "There's no way I could. My father was...Well, is very abusive.." I say quietly.

His expression drops to a saddened one and he stutters a bit. "U-um...I'm sorry to hear that, John...I had no idea.."

"That's because I hid it pretty well.." I mumble, staring at my lap. "My siblings and mom still live with him, because there's no way to escape him. The only reason I did was because I agreed to go to law school."

He scoots a little closer and hesitates before pulling me into a hug. "We're both pretty fucked up, huh." He says quietly, earning a small chuckle from me.

I slowly hug him back, smiling in the embrace. I had needed a hug from him since this whole fiasco started, but I knew I couldn't get it.

"Yeah...I guess that's why we're soulmates.. We're just perfect for each other in a weird, fucked up way." I joke. He doesn't respond with a laugh, though.

Instead, he pulls away and smiles sadly at me. "Right...I have to go."

"Wait, what?" I ask. He stands up and I grab his hand, to which he flinches. "Alex, wait what does that mean for us?"

He shakes his head. "I... We still can't be together. We talked it through, and now you understand why because yeah, you were right. You do deserve to know the truth. You deserve so much better than me, and I know someday you'll find someone who can give you the world."

I shake my head back at him, standing up. "Alex, I don't want anyone else, I want you. I love you, Alex. Not anyone else."

He smiles at me with a pleading look. "John, don't make this harder than it has to be... The sooner you accept that I am no good for you, the sooner you'll be able to find the guy you're truly meant to be with." He says before pulling his hand out of mine and walking away, not looking back once.

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