And yet there will be happiness...

Charlotte

At last night came, all the candles were extinguished, and the long-awaited darkness filled the room. Charlotte lay on the bed, gazing thoughtfully at the ceiling, knowing full well that she would not be able to sleep that night.
The party they had attended with lady Susan was not the first, but Charlotte was just beginning this new life. She could not get used to the luxury and bustle that reigned around her, the sidelong glances of strangers, the ingratiations, all this was so far away for her and so incomprehensible that sometimes she regretted that she had agreed to accept Lady Susan's offer.
After leaving Sanditon and returning home, life seemed to freeze for Charlotte, all that played in her soul with colored colors suddenly disappeared. Despite this, she was incredibly happy to see her family, because their presence gave her the strength to live on. As the days passed, everything seemed to return to normal, as if nothing unusual had ever happened in her life. Only letters from Mary could remind her of the happiest, and at the same time the most miserable days of her life. At first, it seemed to Charlotte that she could (she should) put up with it and maybe eventually forget about what happened to her, and God knows she tried to do it. But as time went on, her feelings did not subside, and her undivided grief tore her young heart apart. She wanted to scream with hurt and pain, and she screamed, but deep down in her soul.
She missed Sidney, fiercely, as if the thought of him occupied every corner of her mind, and every little detail, every hint, brought her inexorably back to him. She knew now that Lady Susan had not been mistaken, and that she really loved Sydney, with all her heart, without looking back. Did she think badly of him? No, her loving heart didn't hold a grudge, she knew exactly what was in the balance at the time, and she could see from the pain in Sidney's eyes what this decision had cost him. She thought it was the only right thing to do, because nothing else could have saved Tom's family then. But the pain that had settled in her soul did not subside, it came to her bedroom every evening as a night guest, causing her to sob soundlessly into the pillow. The only thing that saved her was the memory of Sydney. Charlotte could not forget his beautiful, loving eyes that looked only at her, his smile, the magic voice that made her felt warm inside, his hot, strong male hands and tender lips that gave her the brightest memory of her life. Then, on the hill, just before the ball, he called her by name, and it suddenly seemed to her that her heart stopped, it became difficult to breathe, and the ground went out from under her feet. Sydney was so close, so dear, so desirable, that she did not hesitate to trust him, giving all of herself without a trace. Charlotte remembered his agitation and every word he said on the balcony, every movement and gesture. But she remembered the pain and the tears in his lover's eyes later, when he talked about the engagement and said goodbye to her. It was unbearable to see Sydney, the strong, independent man, whome she loved with every fiber of her being, crushed and humiliated. Charlotte longed to press her body against his, to kiss his beautiful, beloved face, not letting him drown in his own grief.
All these thoughts swirled in her head, did not give rest to her exhausted heart, time passed and Charlotte began to realize that her feelings for Sydney were so strong that she would never be able to accept it and she would have to live with this pain for the rest of her life.
A letter from Lady Susan, informing her that she was aware of all the events that had happened, turned everything in Charlotte's life upside down. The lady called her to London, saying that Charlotte should be there and fight for her happiness. "But how dare I? Perhaps Sidney had already made up his mind and would be happily married to Mrs. Campion" she told herself a hundred times, but her heart refused to believe it, even after all that had happened, it only believed Sydney.
Lady Susan kindled in her soul, full of doubts and unaccountable fear, a small spark of hope, which in time began to grow and flare up, forcing Charlotte to leave her home again and go to London.
She didn't like the city, it didn't have the warmth and friendliness of places like Sanditon or Willingdam, where people would smile and greet you when they saw you in the street. Here everything was subordinated to money, simplicity was not in honor and connections meant much more than feelings. But she was willing to accept all this only because somewhere in this city, among a million people, there was the only one for whom she would not hesitate to give her life, there was her Sydney.
Charlotte was a diligent student, and Lady Susan was an excellent teacher, so anyone who saw her at a reception or ball could not doubt that she was a real lady.
Charlotte got out of bed and went to the window. There were lights on in the street, and in spite of the late hour, a few carriages were still passing. Everything that happened to her in this city was new  and sometimes drove her crazy, but that was not why Charlotte could not fall asleep today. What she had most dreamed of and most feared at the same time had happened. She saw Sidney Parker.
Charlotte noticed him as soon as she entered, unmistakably picking out such a familiar and beloved profile in the crowd. Her heart was pounding and the blood was rushing to her cheeks as she stared at him, trying to make up for every second of their separation. Everything that happened: greetings, conversations, people around her, everything faded into the background, she participated in all this, listened, smiled and talked to everyone, but all her thoughts were only about him. Suddenly she felt something, raised her head, and met his gaze. Sidney stared at her, as he had done on the balcony, and the excitement made it hard for her to breathe and sent a shiver through her body, and her heart burned with a bright fire. Sydney smiled and went to meet her. Charlotte didn't know what to do, her heart breaking with the desire to throw herself into his arms or run away from here without looking back. Her hands and voice trembled treacherously,and her cheeks burned. A second later, and Sidney was standing next to her,almost the same as before (he was a little haggard and thinner), but still he, her Sidney, who caught her every glance. She saw the same warmth in his eyes as before, her heart pounding even harder, leaving her unable to resist. He was near her again, she heard his native and beloved voice, looked into his bottomless eyes, and everything else suddenly became so unimportant. Instinctively, like a woman, Charlotte felt that Sydney was drawn to her with all her being, and the thoughts of it made everything in this room suddenly sparkle with bright colors.
As in a fog, Charlotte saw Mrs. Campion, who as always tried to prick her, it get back to cloud cuckoo landand and reminded her where and who she was. To Charlotte's credit, she gave no indication of her feelings or emotions, even when Sidney left the room. Lady Susan was pleased with her.
Charlotte was in complete disarray after meeting him. Sadness and melancholy were replaced by joy from the meeting, thoughts circled in my head in a frenzied rhythm, making her go crazy and not letting her sleep. Now she knew for sure that she had never stopped loving him, and she wanted to believe that he felt the same way. Charlotte knew that she must see him again, touch him, and hear the voice that she loved. She needed it badly. "I have to fight for my happiness, I need to help Sydney whatever it takes." Exhausted by thoughts and feelings, Charlotte fell into a light sleep in the morning preparing to meet a new day tomorrow....

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