GREY

CHAPTER 29 - Pretend

PRESENT

Friday 03.03.19

Tossing and squirming, tackling against the strained night, I let out a sigh, stretching my arm out as I reached for my phone. With a squint of my eyes, I checked the time.

02:03.

Urgh. Annoyance overwhelmed within me as I rolled my eyes, shoving my phone back on bedside table. I groaned, frustration consuming me throughout at the mere fact of not being able to switch my body off. I had been rolling on my bed for as long as I can remember, unable to get myself to fall alseep.

My eyes were droopy and I knew my body was physically exhausted but my mind was on a complete different page. Questions after questions bursted through my head as those haunting memories flooded.

The night I lost my first kiss.

It was something I wanted to bury away, never again to be remembered, but after today's incident, that seemed to be the last thing happening right now.

Every detail of that night blew up in my brain as if it had personally been recorded and honestly, the more I thought of it, the more afraid I became.

I still recall the very day after that night when I found myself miraculously sleeping in my bed that I didn't remember climbing into. Though I had too much alcohol coursing through my blood that day, I remembered the kiss so vividly, it was truly surprising.

But sometimes, emotions that can make you feel so good in a moment, can also completely turn around in the next moment and bring you nothing but worry.

Gray invaded my mind that morning and at one point I had believed it was all just a dream. But I knew I was just forcing myself to think that. He must have dropped me off home after I passed out and that information itself left me bewildered.

Why would he drop off after I kissed him without his permission?

I didn't contact him the whole day and nor did he, making me immediately assume the worst; he hated me. Who wouldn't hate someone, who you consider a friend, that randomly crashes their lips against yours?

I despised myself for it, regretting every part of that night. The only thing that repeatedly rang through my head that day was that I should have stayed home. The single thought of losing Gray terrified me to the core and I hated the feeling.

Going to school alone, or not having anyone to hang out wasn't my concern. I wasn't afraid of that kind of stuff anymore. Instead, I was riled up about perhaps hurting one of the people I genuinely care for.

My harsh thoughts soon slowly evaporated as Gray behaved normal with me in school and it made me realise that perhaps he doesn't remember anything. Nobody saw us kiss and since it all happened due to the strong alcohol I consumed, it only made sense to blame it on my drunk ass and keep it a secret to myself.

That was all too vain until today, almost a whole year later when I finally find out that the guy, I had thought all along had forgotten about it, actually remembers it.

Gray was a good friend of mine and I wanted nothing to damage our friendship. He was there for me countless amount of times and betraying him would be the last thing I would ever want to do. I still don't know what brought upon me to even kiss him, especially when I had never before kissed anyone, but I was sure someone mixed something other than alcohol in my drink which had caused me to act irrationally.

Ever since he left today, I hadn't been able to focus on anything but that night. I found myself hesitating between calling him up and telling him that it was an accident or to simply ignore the matter as a whole.