I'm Counting Every Lie

43: Our spot

Grab your blankets

Friday

When josh and I get to his spot he sits on the bench and opens his arms that makes the blanket that's draped over his shoulder and arms open up. I sit very close to him on some of the blanket. He closes his arms around me capturing me in the warm fluffy blanket and his embrace.

The cold cant get us. The cold has always bothered me but right now I'm enjoying it. I put my head on his shoulder as we watch the still pond and the trees that has wiggling leaves that are red, yellow, or brown. Theres a lot of leaves on the ground but I think it's pretty.

I'm ready for Christmas, I'm not going to have a big Christmas- we never do- but maybe josh will want to come over and celebrate? My foster father will be there so it we cant 'act gay' but it will still be fun. Benjamin is homophobic but on normal days he's 100% easy to get along with. Only times when he's questioning my sexuality is he rude. I know that's bad but he's never hit me or ever threatened it.

I think he knows I'm gay now but maybe is slowly learning to except it? He hasn't brought up the skirt I sometimes wears or the makeup so I think my mum reasoned with him or he knows I'll be gone soon enough. I dont know, the point I was getting at was everything seems to be getting better.

Under the blankets Josh's hand rests on my thigh and I blush and look at him. He's looking at a duck so I look at it with him. "Oli?" He says quietly but not whispering. I look at him to see his face is red.

His hand that's not on my thigh goes to the side of my face and I feel butterfly's in my stomach. He's not going to kiss me right? We haven't kissed since he freaked out.. He doesn't like me? Slowly I doubt my thoughts as he gets closer.

Our lips meet and I'm trying to ignore all the fireworks and energy because he's going to pull away upset. Our lips move together and I put my hand on his shoulder. This feels so magical. Our lips move in synch and he then licks my bottom lip. W-wait we are going to kiss like that!?

I part my lips and his tongue smoothly enters my mouth. Blushing and with a pounding heart I kiss back. Please dont pull away josh, this is so different and amazing. We make out on the bench of a park for a moment before I pull away so I can breathe. Our faces are flushed. I search Josh's face for a response and he smiles and looks a little embarrassed.

"S-sorry, your just really cute," he says and my lips pull up into a smile. I bit my bottom lip and almost giggle but dont. I just feel like I could because I'm so happy.

"You're really hot so no need to be sorry," I say and he smiles more.

"We just kissed.. that wasn't bad.. it felt good," he says the first part to me but more to himself at the end. He then hugs me tightly for a second but pulls out and he looks really happy. Tears drip down his face. "I'm happy I poured paint on you," he says and I laugh and nod.

"Me too," I say and he wipes his face.

"Whyyy?? I'm happy," he says to his tears. I giggle at him and he pouts.

"Guess what," he then says looking at me. I feel so happy and giddy because he is happy.

"What?" I say and then he leans in and kisses me. Yes please. I kiss back and feel like I'm on cloud 9. We kiss for a while, laugh, and talk.

"We should come to our spot more," he says rubbing my thigh trying to keep me warm. All the kissing and touching.. I put my hand over his and stop the movement. I dont need to have a boner right now.

Wait? He said our spot? This is his spot? Not our spot... is it our spot now? Does he really trust me with his spot for it to also be mine? This makes me feel good.

He blushes when I spot his hand like he read my mind. "Thank you for being by my side," he says and I smile because he's smiling. I love being by his side. Even when he's getting mad at me for caring about his health because usually he ends up realizing that I do care about his health.

He understands me and I understand him. Whenever I feel like cutting I call or text him and usually I don't tell him how I'm feeling but he still always makes me feel better. Not I'm not really clean from cutting but I think I can get there.

"Thank you for being by my side," I say and he pulls me into his lap and squeezes me in a hug. I giggle and then he kisses my forehead.

"Let's go to my house so I can cook us something to eat," he says.

"Ughhhh, dont ruin my funn," I mumble crossing my arms.

"I'll make something you've never had before, it will be fun. Maybe you can help me cook," he says and it now sounds fun so I nod and he stands up but keeps me in his arms. I wrap my legs around his waist and hold on to him.

I feel like josh could be my soulmate.. we aren't dating but I can feel it, I'm meant to be with him. We help each other help ourselves.

Thoughts

Theories?

Josh?

Oli?

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