I'm Counting Every Lie

15: cold

Friday second block

In art I think about what happened as I pretend to start my project. I have no idea what emotion I'm going to use. I feel so numb most of the time so describing an emotion is super hard. Painting something to make you feel a certain way? Impossible.

Kellin was my only friend I could trust and he's.. he's not my friend anymore. Josh? No he wasn't my friend but he sure did stab me in the back. He is with kellin.. are they sharing secrets?  Me and kellin don't even do that..

Josh is painting with fucking periwinkle,  I hate that color. I hate him.. He looks over to see me watching him and he instantly looks away towards Jordan. Jordan is flirting with some girl. I half expect josh to tell Jordan something about me but he then looks back at me and I realize he was checking to see if he was being watched.

He makes a thinking face for a moment and then looks at me again. Why am I still watching him? "I'm going to be sick," he says stumbling towards the teacher and me because I'm forced to sit close to the teacher.

Our teacher hates sick kids. "Out!" They say pointing at the door.

"I'm going to pass out," he say but I dont think this is real at all. He's such a liar.

"Oli! Get him out," she yells because I'm the closest one. Fuck me. I get up and i see everyone looking at josh. I walk him out- okay no, I shove him out of class and shut the door. He straightens up and smiles. 

"Okay, let's go," he says and starts walking..

What?

I look at the class door and then him. He's about to leave me. I catch up to him and look at him like he is crazy. He is crazy. "What the fuck?" I hiss and he looks at me with that bored look.

No, I need answers. Right now. "Why were you kissing kellin?" I snap and then I get a reaction. Josh's eyebrows go up and his eyes widen. His pinkish tan lips part and he stops walking abruptly. He looks both directions and then at me.

"Shut up, someone might hear," he hisses. He looks nervous that someone Is going to over hear us.

"I dont give a fuck if someone overhears that you-" I starts but stop as his hand covers my mouth and then he harshly pushes me against the wall. He treats me so rough I feel scared that he's going to hurt me. Any of his friends wouldn't hesitate to hurt me, I doubt he would either.

I grab his hand and pry it off my mouth but then it goes to my throat- my throat. I cant breath. I gasp for air and close my eyes. He's choking me. I'm going to die- tears spill from my eyes and even though my eyes are close everything goes bright and dark.

"Fucking stop, I'm not touching you," he says and he sounds farther than I thought. I open my eyes to see him 3 feet away looking panicky. I blink realizing his hand isnt on my throat. I touch my throat and then wipe my tears away.

"What the fuck? I didn't choke you at all," he says and I swallow.

"Y-you didn't?" I whisper and he looks around. The hallways are empty and bare. He sighs and looks at my throat and then my face. He looks sympathetic or something..

''Let's go, okay? We can talk outside of school," he says and I still feel completely freaked out from him 'choking' me. He grabs my sleeve and starts walking so I follow timidly. Josh doesn't seem to like bringing out my freak outs.. that good.. I hope he doesn't use them against me..