I'm Counting Every Lie

32: :c

Still Wednesday

I sit on his bed trying to think. I can leave.. but that running from the problem. The next time I would see him I would be so embarrassed that I ran. Josh is in the bathroom throwing up and coughing. So I'll stay but what do I do?

If I go try to go into his bathroom to try to explain myself or- or- apologize? What do I say? What happened? Things go quite in the bathroom except the toilet flush. I get up and a rush of pain goes through my foot to my leg.

Oh god it hurts.

I slowly walk to the bathroom door and hear sniffles. Is he.. I made him cry.. "josh? I'm sorry, are you okay?" I say and lean against the doorframe. He clears his throat and sniffles more.

"I-im fine-" he's cut off by a sob. "G-go," he says and I think like I can't

"N-no, let me in," I say and he doesn't answer as he cries.. I don't think he locked the door. The possibility of him getting mad is very high but he's crying.. I cant leave him.

Putting myself at risk I grab the door handle and twist it. Unlocked.. slowly I open the door to see josh sitting on the floor with his face in knees pulled up and face on his knees and hands crossed over his head. He's trying not not make any sounds but his body is trembling and its obvious he's crying.

I accidentally hiss in pain as I take a step forward. Pain is fine. I limp to him and sit down next to him and put my hand on his back. He flinches and chokes on a sob. "Just cry. I wont judge you. I know how hard it is to try to suppress crying and it hurts, cry as hard as you need," I say rubbing his back.

I've yet to see his face but I can imagine its red and sad.. he starts actually crying and its really sad.. Something happened.. he's not as okay as he thinks he is. Carefully try to comfort him as he cries. I get him tissues and touch his hand with it so he can know it's there. He cleans his face with it and throw it at his trashcan.

He looks forward with a red face that has tears continuously falling. He sniffles a little and clinches his jaw. I rest my head on his shoulder/arm and he seems to be breathing a little better.

"I'm sorry.." I mumble feeling bad that I'm the one who caused this. He clears his throat and wipes his eyes.

"I-it's fine," he says hoarsely. It's not fine.. He's not mad so maybe he'll tell me what happened?

"Is.. it uh.. because I'm a guy?" I say and he looks at me and wipes his tears more. He sighs and shakes his head no.

"No.. dont pry okay..?" He whispers seeming sad and guilty? I nod understanding he doesn't want me to ask questions. It's not because I'm a guy.. that doesn't make sense to me.. he gets up and sniffles a little. 

Walking really hurt my ankle so I stay seated and watch as the hot attractive guy turns on the sink and washes his face. He brushes his teeth and looks in the mirror. What going on in his mind? Will he be okay?

Is this why I've never seen him date anyone? Does he freak out every time he kisses someone? Is this because of kellin? He puts his hands on the couch and looks into the sink for a moment.

I get up and he looks at me and then my ankle. He comes over and picks me up but avoids looking at me. "Dont fucking bring this up to my parents," he says and I nod. He puts me on the bed and let's out a sigh.

"Can you just stay here? I'll go cook and come get you.. I just.. need to be alone," he says and I still feel bad that I made him sad and freaked out.

"Okay.. I, um.. I'm still sorry. I hope this doesn't hurt our friendship," I say softly.

"It wont just dont ever.. dont do that," he whispers the last part. I nod and he leaves his room. Its quite in his room unlike mine. Mine is really loud due to the cars outside and thin walls. Its also always cold in my house but this house is so much better than mine.

I lay on his soft bed and try to get comfortable. Hopefully dinner isnt awkward.. is his parents going to question why he's upset and then blame me?

Will josh close up again? He's not open really but he almost is. After a while of thinking about josh he ends up coming back and comes over to me. I sit up and look at the flower on his shirt.

He sits on the edge of his seat and looks at me. "Can this stay in between us? Like, everything?  Behind the school, at the store, and here?" He says calmly. He doesn't look sad anymore and the red has left his face.

"Yeah, it's safe with me," I say and he gets up and surprises me by hugging me. I hug back and rest my face on his shoulder.  He smells incredibly good. I'm kinda okay with eating his food, it will be cool to taste josh. Taste Josh's food! Oh god I'm so glad he can't read mines.

He pulls away after a while and chuckles. "Sorry that was a little longer than I thought," he says nervously with a awkward smile.

"I love long hugs so it works out. Um.. you said not to pry but I do have one question.." I start mumbling at the end.

"What," he says seeming annoyed.

"Will you end up telling me things or am I going to have to ask one day later?" I ask and he actually thinks about the question for a little while.

"I'll tell you if I feel comfortable but right now I just want to get dinner over with  and then sleep," he says. I nod and smile a little.  I hope he ends up trusting me enough to tell me. It's better to talk about things.. I'm a hypocrite I know but shut up.

Thoughts?

Theories?

Josh didnt freak out bc Oli is a guy?

Josh made it very clear he didn't want his parents to know, why?

Oli?

Josh?