I'm Counting Every Lie

21: chubby

Monday

When I get to school kellin finds me immediately and drags me into the bathroom. He looks on the verge of tears. It hasn't been to long since the love potion but I'm starting to forgive him a little. It wasn't on purpose, I know that. Because so in love to find out it's fake still hurts but I miss kellin. All drama aside he's my only friend.

Because lonely sucks. "I'm really sorry okay? For everything. I'm just- I really need a friend right now," he says and tears fall from his eyes. He wipes then with his pink hoodie and I nod a little.

"Okay.. I'm here," I agree to forgiving him and he hugs me tightly. He pulls away with a smile but still looks sad. He's got a bruise on the side of his face. That.. not uncommon but it's bad. He sees be looking at it and covers it.

"Jordan," he says and I scowl. How can someone be so mean to kellin? "Anyways, I made a truth potion-" he says pulling it out of his purse. Fuck no. I take it and pour it into the sink making him gasp and try to stop me but it's too late. No matter who he was going to use it on it would be manipulation. "I was going to use that to see why josh doesn't like me!" He says and I shake my head.

"That's manipulating him," I sigh and he blinks and thinks. He makes a surprise face. "But-.. well.. yeah.. okay, you're right," he says and slumps his shoulders.

"I don't understand.. me and him.. it was so good. He was so nice a different but now he hates me and I don't even know why," he says about to cry.

"Well, what even happened? He had to have a reason," I say and kellin wipes his eyes and pouts as he thinks.

"We kissed a lot and stuff but never did anything else, but we went to a party and drank... stuff happened and in the morning he was gone. I tried to talk to him but he ignored me and then he started bullying me and yeah.. I don't know why I still love him but I do," he says and I think about it. What could be the reason?

He's scared of being gay?

"Was josh bullied?" I ask and kellin shakes his head no.

"Like, maybe in middle school but not really,'' he says. Okay I need to stop. Josh is none of my business. I dont care about him.

"I dont know, just find a new guy. Dont you have a crush on that one guy?" I say and kellin's cheeks go red.

"I dont like vic," he says and I laugh but honestly it's fake.

"Then why did you know exactly who I
Was talking about?" He pouts and crosses his arms. I've seen him looking at Vic in the halls but none of us have any classes with him. He's in all advanced classes and very popular due to his looks and charm. He's on the soccer team and book club. I'm not really into his type but kellin goes heart eyes when he's around.

He then hugs me out of nowhere so I do my best to hug back. "I missed you," he mumbles on my shoulder. The door opend and josh walks in with Jordan.

"Ugh, fucking retards," josh says and walls out. Ouch..

Jordan looks at the urinals and then at us. We of course aren't hugging anymore. "I thought this was the girls bathroom for a second," Jordan says and laughs. Both me and kellin rush out and kellin smacks into josh because he's standing right outside of the bathroom. Josh shoves him to the ground harshly and I decide I hate josh.

He goes into the bathroom and I help kellin up. He looks like he's about to cry.  We walk together away towards class, it's about to be time for class.

In class kellin and I do our work together. Neither one of us bring up josh, Jordan, or vic but we do talk quietly about Crystal's and magic. Kellin doesn't need to know about how I stayed at Josh's house.. some times are just better left not acknowledged.

-

As I look at my blank canvas and sigh. I'm to numb to feel something enough to paint it. Everyone is painting but I'm now in the back of the class looking at the stupid canvas. Josh hasn't even looked in my direction but I dont care.. no.. why should I?

I get black pain and start painting it all black. My excuse for not painting after this is because I'm letting it dry.

Numb..

Can I paint that feeling?

"-chubby," Jordan says and I think he was talking about me so I look up but see josh nodding.

"Yeah, I need to start working out more or something," he says and they both laugh. Josh isn't chubby. But he is an asshole. 

Thoughts

Bro idk if I post a thousand times

Theories?

Kellin?

Josh?

Vic?