I'm Counting Every Lie

20: okay..

Sunday morning

When I first wake up I'm not even completely conscious but I do know I'm very comfortable. I've never been so comfortable in my life. I snuggle up more against my- not pillow.. not blankets.. what am I hugging. I dont care, its comfortable. I press my face into it more and it moves.

What. The. Fuck.

I open my eyes and my blankets aren't purple. What. I lean back and look at- josh? Oh my God I'm in Josh's bed. "Oh sorry," he says in a rough morning voice. He let's go of my waist and my face goes even more red. I inhale sharply and let go of him and sit up.

We were cuddling. Oh my fucking god. "What?" I say looking at the sleepy guy who is trying to go back to sleep.

"You wouldn't stop rolling around and kicking me so I- well apparently you just wanted to cuddle because you stopped moving around," he says and I feel embarrassed. Is he gay? Do straight people cuddle? "And this doesn't change anything, I'm just carefree when I'm sleepy," he mumbles softly as he seems to fall asleep.

I look at the time to see its 5am, to early to wake up. I lay back down but I dont think I can cuddle because I'm so gay I take it as him liking me. I know he doesn't like me but I'm getting a crush, I cant lead myself on by overthinking his actions. He slides his hand to me and I watch is curiously. He then grabs my side touching some of my skin and practically dragging me to him.

What do I even do?

"You put me in the mood to cuddle so shut up," he states and I try to stay calm. My back is pressed against his chest and I can feel his breath on the back of my neck. "You're tense, stop, it's not comfortable," he says and I blush. Okay, relax. I relax against him and get comfortable.

It's just cuddling.

Its really really comfortable so I don't blame him. It's not weird. I'm so tired too so I dont care as much as I would if I was really awake and aware.

When I wake up a second time the sun is shining from the window into my eyes so I turn around to see josh isnt next to me. He bathroom light is on and the door is closed so I'm guessing he's there. My phone beeps so I pick it up and on the lockscreen I see kellin texted me. I swipe left and surprised when it doesn't tell me to unlock it.

Kellin: you're fucking gay

I know I'm gay

Me: I'm not, you changed that

Wait, this isnt me. Or my phone. The last text is what kellin just texted.

Kellin: I dont understand what happened.

I put his phone down after turning it off. I didn't mean to invade his privacy. If they did hook up maybe hes bisexual or something. I dont think I've even seen him with any girls or heard that he's dated anyone. I rub my face and feel my hair, it's still everywhere. Josh comes out of the bathroom and looks at me briefly before going to the window and closing the blinds.

"Goodmorning," he says and sits on the end of the bed and lays on his back. He uses his hands to hold his head letting me see his armpits. Is it weird I think that's hot?

"Goodnight- I mean morning," I say on accident. I want to know if he's bi or anything other than straight. Do I have a chance with him at all? We aren't friends really but.. are we now? Are we friends?

"Uh.. I already asked but I just don't understand. Did kellin make you straight? Like if you guys were talking and kissing that means you are at least attracted to guys-" I start because its really weird and I dont understand how he could be gay and then straight. He rolls his eyes and stands up.

"Why are you so fucking nosy? I'm straight. The fucking end. Get up I'm taking you home," he snaps and I blink shocked. This is why I have no friends, I cant seem to not ask or say things that are sensitive. I get up and look at Josh's clothes that are on me.

"Just get your phone and shoes I'll drop off your clothes when they are clean and dry," he says grabbing his keys. Oh.. I put on my shoes and make sure I have my phone and he stomps out of his room. This hurts my feelings that I've upset him.

When we get to the bottom of the stairs I see two nice looking people that I assume are his parents. "Josh whose this?" The mum says nicely referring to me.

"A fucking faggot," he snaps and they both look at me apologetically. I'm confused on why he's being so rude.. I follow him like a puppy who just got in trouble and we get in his car and he has a scowl on his face.

"I'm sorry," I say and he scoffs.

Okay..

In no time we are at my house and I feel incredibly awkward and guilty. "Thanks for driving me-" I say  as I get out but he doesn't even look at me. When I shut his door he drives off and I feel lost and numb..

Cuddling with him was fun but I really hate rude josh. Was all the niceness a lie?

Thoughts?

Josh?

Oli?

Cuddling?

Why is josh so weird about being gay and sleeping with kellin?